PALESTINE Seeing for Myself

Where have I been?

2011-09-22T22:10:00.001-04:00

Begun July 2011
Where have I been? That's not such an easy question to answer. Since my last post I have been home... doing little to keep myself busy. Rarely is that a good mode for me. I can't seem to become interested in anything....not even the things I know interest me. I just don't engage. Sliding into a depression is never fun! For me depression is always hanging over my head like a black cloud.

I've just returned from a three week trip to "the heartland" Had it not been for the children's art exhibit, I would probably still be down. "A Child's View from Gaza" was scheduled to be exhibited at Grinnell College during the Friends Gathering. Once again I drove halfway across the country to talk about Gaza; this time to show the children's amazing drawings.

The exhibit didn't draw as much attention s I'd anticipated.the location could have been better. We were in a large hallway area in front of a very large room accommodating the "book-sale" A huge book sale with thousands of books. The people passing had their minds on books and couldn't be distracted.

However.... young couples, college students, teens and pre-teens were captivated by the drawings. They were given a history of the exhibit and a program providing background information and answers to many questions. Quakers are a bit subdued any way so

Whose soldiers. are they? I replied they were Israeli soldiers. "Well, where's the other soldiers, you know who's fighting them?" I explained that Gaza has no army', navy, air force. "Well then, how can they win?" I told them I didn't know, that the two sides were very unbalanced . Gaza militants did have rockets which they shot towards Israel but the rockets went up and came down...They guided themselves.

"Boy oh boy, this isn't fair. Why don't they just go somewhere else?" The boycott and siege were explained....very simply! When I told them Gaza's borders were closed. Gazans were basically locked in. Even their harbor was closed and Israeli ships were always on patrol. "Well, that's not fair! It must be against the law. It has to be!"

"How did you get to Gaza?" My journey into Gaza was shared. I said we were very lucky because some people never get in; as an example I used the doctors from Ireland who were never allowed in. "They won't even let doctors go to Gaza? This is really bad!"

We chatted a bit longer and one of the boys said, "How do they get away with this? Why doesn't someone help Gaza?"

We had spent maybe 10 or 15 minutes together. They asked all the right questions about things that are quite obvious: look at the drawings they tell volumes about life in Gaza under Israel's occupation. It those boys can "get it," why can't our leaders?

With friends like this, who needs enemies?

2011-06-11T22:41:00.001-04:00

Obama needs to seriously and strongly challenge and bring a halt to Israel's hold over the US. Money and votes to our elected officials from AIPAC are Israel's weapons as they control the US support to the only democracy in the middle east. It's clear that Israel's benefits from US support much more that the US benefits from theirs.

US aid to Israel includes over 3,2 billion dollars in military aid yearly ...that's right 3.2 billion That does not include additional aid, millions of dollars to assist Israel! One has to wonder why Israel receives aid when they are not a third world country? Where does this benefit our country? It doesn't seem to add up...even though numbers are involved.

"Stand by your friend" is the US motto where Israel is concerned.....it doesn't seem to matter what Israeli says or does; they can count on the US support and protection. They can break the International Rules of Iaw during their Occupation of the West Bank and Gaza. The law says an occupying country may not populate the occupied territory by moving people into that land.

What does Israel do? They encourage this practice. They establish settlements through out the West Bank...approving the addition of more "illegal aliens" daily. What does President Obama say? "Stop building settlements" What does Israel do? They continue to build more settlements.....even announcing an expansion the day before Vice-president Biden is to arrive for a visit. Does that show respect for your best friend? How about for respect and appreciation for the country who gives you billions of dollars in aid? Isn't that just a tad defiant? Yet the US receives this type treatment consistently from Israel and does nothing publicly to show anger...let alone displeasure. This does nothing for the US image throughout the world. Other countries wonder about the US.

When are elected officials and their staff going to put the USA needs and interests before those of Israel.We Americans need a wake-up-call!

Who do I have a problem with? Israel and the Israeli government! It's one country's exploitation of another country.....Israel exploiting the USA! It's one country's blatant discrimination, inhuman treatment and military actions against another country.... Israel's deplorable and evil treatment of Palestine and Palestinians.

Pink Parasols ,Moving Over AIPAC

2011-05-20T11:45:00.001-04:00

AIPAC is one of my least favorite groups in the whole world....ask me and I'll gladly give you at least 100 reasons they should be outlawed. I am justified in wanting to see them disappear....which will never happen. AIPAC stands for the American Israel Public Affairs Committee What does it do? Lobby our lawmakers on behalf of Israel. That's only the tip of the iceberg!! More about that later.

This week end in Washington there will be a new group in town MOA. It's no accident MOA will be there at the same time AIPAC is having their yearly conference. MOA stands for Move Over AIPAC. It's the brainchild of Code Pink and other sensible organizations.

Code Pink was created by women who think beyond the status quo and outside the box as they support causes they believe in...and they "act" in the most creative ways imaginable. Their "uniform" is pink...hot pink...very hot pink. It includes, but is not limited to: pink dresses, skirts, blouses, shoes, hats, gloves, flowers, parasols....the parasols are my favorite. What a feminine group of women....all decked out in frilly pink.

I was introduced to Code Pink in Washington DC years sgo while participating in a march in opposition to the US invading Iraq. They certainly were noticeable....most people in the march were wearing rather ho-hum, drab, boring attire. Then along comes a group of women all decked out in hot pink....strong women wearing strong pink .....energetic and oh my gosh...they were having fun. Waving signs, chanting cool chants not the usual boring ones, doing little dance routines with their parasols waving in the air. They even unrolled a giant banner from windows in a large building.

Watch for Code Pink....they'll be in Washington this week end and should be on the national news. That is unless AIPAC pressures our free, un-biased news media to ignore thrm. (which they are very likely to do

Influencing the students; it was easy!

2011-05-13T18:08:00.003-04:00

It was spring 1960, in Rock Hill South Carolina. I already knew spring wouldn't compare with spring in the Philadelphia....I was right. When I heard, "did yall see thad paink tree?" I just remained quiet with a smug look on my face.

During my time at Winthrop I came to the realization that Tennessee, where I lived until I was 14, was a border state...not a true southern state. Living in the deep south was a shocking experience. Dixie and the Confederate flags were an accepted part of everyday life....the flags were seen in dorm rooms, cars, public buildings and proudly waving over most occasions.....southerners singing Dixie with sounds of love and pride in their voices. It was now 1960 ..didn't they realize their side had lost?

The depth of opposition to integration was surprising to me....the fact that this opposition was so intertwined with hatred was a shock. It was an issue people fought against without any doubts in their conviction...jesus and the bible were on their side....how could it be questioned? ...amazing! I was
certainly expecting a negative reaction to integration but not from 90% of the people I encountered.

Meanwhile, I was horribly bored! I could have studied but I don't think I thought of that as an option. Then I caught wind of, what I believe was called, the National Student Association.Winthrop was a member of the association but because the student association had endorsed a statement supporting integration they were withdrawing. In its place, they were joining a southern organization that "knew what the south stood for" I was disgusted and decided to see what I could do to stir things up in favor of the national organization.

Why do this? Boredom. For fun. A bit of "the devil made me do it" What would be the reaction be? Could I start a ball rolling? What would the dynamics be? Was it possible to manipulate the facts? Could I be convincing enough to be listened to? Most importantly, would students believe what I wanted them to believe....and take action?

The more I thought about it the better it sounded.

The issues involved in withdrawing from the National Student Association
Winthrop remaining in the national association..or joining the southern association.
The students who will be most effected by the decision were ignored...had no input in the situation and were not allowed to vote on the matter.
The seniors were putting something over on us...power play...abusing their power...our rights were taken away

There would need to be a targeted audience, especially at first. The appeal would be made to underclassmen...freshmen, sophomores, maybe some juniors. No seniors.

Visiting in dorms was the route to take, starting with my own dorm. I was testing out the.. voice of reason and persuasion...sense, sensibility, no sense and nonsense. Seniors were to be avoided...the less they knew the better.

Why did the executive of seniors decide to give up and move to the southern association rather that stay and fight for what they believed in?

We found most people didn't even know about "the problem....being deceived and excluded." Which was in our favor, we could present things how ever we wanted to, with in a certain amount of reason.

Why were lower classmen excluded from the issue and not made aware of voting? Was there deliberate exclusion? Only seniors were involved, why?

Why were the seniors so involved and secretive? Weren't they exerting power about something that wouldn't effect them because they would have graduated?

We went on and on making up numerous reasons for lower classmen to be furious. Our petitions were filling up rapidly. There were four or five of us in the core group; we were amazed how simple it was to have people "join" our side, want to stay in the National Association and become convinced the seniors had deliberately deceived them. It was the most fun I had during the nine months I was there.

It took the seniors about two days to realize something was happening; they tracked me down and were none too happy with the yankee troublemaker. Why in the world was I doing this? They couldn't understand.

They' become more involved...save their good names. A new vote was called for but not until the senior council had met with students in each dorm explaining why it was better to stay with southerners and promote segregation, which they knew was the right way to believe. We lost, which I was certain we would; the vote was closer than expected.

Groups are much easier to influence than I'd thought.

no whistling Dixie

2011-04-12T00:38:00.003-04:00

Okay Susan, it's your decision, choose a college! Forgetting the fact that I lacked decision making skills....I'd never been allowed to make a major decision in my life, I did as I was told!

My choice, sight unseen:, Winthrop College in South Carolina; a Southern Women's College (which I'd been led to believe was the proper thing for me to do) It was exactly what I wanted, especially since Pennsylvania was far away. So, in August 1959 I left home; flying to Charlotte NC, traveling by bus to Rock Hill SC where I spent the next eight months, miserable but discovering much about myself, north/south, human nature and group process.

Choosing a college without visiting first is not too smart. Winthrop's campus was pretty, nice buildings and grounds which I quickly learned were divided into front campus and back campus. There were many rules, way too many draconian rules with ridiculous punishments attached to them.

Most of the girls at Winthrop went home on week ends leaving it quite empty except for a few of us damn Yankees. It was horrible! Even more boring than during the week. Receiving mail was about the only thing to look forward to. I mentioned front campus and back campus...well the post office, even though it was in the back, was considered "front campus" where the wearing of a dress or skirt was required No slacks no Bermuda shorts were permitted on front campus. (Jeans and shorts were never to be worn by Winthrop girls.) So, I had on Bermudas and wanted to check my mail box...not wanting to change, I put on my raincoat covering my shorts.As I opened the box...my raincoat slipped open exposing my forbidden clothing! I was caught by a professor and restricted.: be in dorm room at 7pm. not allowed freedom until 7am...should use of the toilet be needed permission from thea hall monitor. that went on for a week. And I didn't even have any mail!

1959 brought sit-ins to the Carolinas and much of the South. Segregation brought cries of "Dixie for ever" and "Integration? Never, Never, Never!!" Right off the bat I was treated with suspicion; no southern hospitality for me! That was such a shock....I was being called a Yankee when I thought I was a southerner. And I'd been contending with suspicious from Yankees for the past three years because I was a southerner.

My first real encounter with "Dixie" was in Charlotte, I'd gone there to see a doctor. The bus trip was long, I was tired and very hungry when we pulled into the terminal. I went directly to the luncheonette...they weren't "serving."... I went to Woolworth's; they weren't "serving". I was starving and getting angry, There was no food being served anywhere... because they didn't, wouldn't, refused to serve Blacks! How could all these restaurants and people be so stupid? I was mad at the south for being bigoted. Their bigotry was directly affecting me. Why hadn't I realized this before?

Next I hopped on a bus headed for my doctors appointment...hopping was slow and careful because I had a brace on my back and neck. The braces were quite viable yet not one southern gentleman, young or old, offered me his seat. The bus was packed except for one seat near the back. I sat in the available aisle seat next to a thirty-something black woman. She immediately began to vacate her seat.I asked her not to move because of me, explained all was fine and if anyone stood it would be me. She gave me a weak smile...at the next stop she left the bus. I was angry at the ignorant "white folks" on the bus. I'd shown them! Years later I realized I'd put the woman and the other Blacks on the bus in a terrible position, even a dangerous one. She probably got off at the next bus stop because she was afraid. I hadn't considered the possible consequences of my actions.

My lack of belonging was quite apparent. The fact that I'd decided I didn't really want to belong was probably apparent as well. I struck out on my own, to hell with the southern belles. I don't remember the chain of events leading to it but I organized an afternoon pre-school group for retarded children. My sociology professor was involved in the process. She was aware I'd worked in a camp for special needs children, was bored, with way to much time on my hands and in need of doing something satisfying.

A church volunteered space for the program. Word spread and mothers began to inquire about the "special class". One of the mothers I met with was black. She hoped her son could join the group which I said he certainly could. I met with my Professor to finalize arrangements. She gave a big sigh upon learning one of the students was black. "I'm not so sure you can do that." Well I was going to do that....if he couldn't be in the group, there would be no group. She listened as I said over and over again it was wrong to exclude blacks and I'd have no parts of it. She understood, even agreed with me...but....

But...the church might not let us use the room if there's a black child in the group. That certainly isn't very Christian. We went to see them, after lengthy discussion we came away with permission to use the room.
But...what will the other parents think, the white parents? There were no programs for pre-school special needs children...if they wanted their child in the group it was an integrated group, it was that simple.
But...what about the college? what would they think? what would they do? The group wasn't affiliated with the college in any way (we'd forget about the Sociology Professor) If I was threatened with retaliation....That would be a shame, I have so many contacts with the media in Philadelphia and I was certain they would want to "cover the story"

The group flourished, The Rock Hill newspaper ran a feature story about the city's first pre school group for retarded children and the Yankee who started it. There was no mention of the class being integrated. Years later I realized that little group was probably the first integrated classroom in the city, if not South Carolina.

My experience with group dynamics will follow/

When does a freedom go one step too far?

2011-04-02T12:57:00.002-04:00

Haven't we learned that prejudice and discrimination get us no where individually or as a country? The US sells itself as the land of freedom; the last time I checked that included freedom of religion. There are anti-discrimination laws; don't they include discrimination against people because of their religion? Like Islam? How have we arrived at such a hateful place? Why aren't we as Americans standing up for people who want nothing more than to worship in their own way?

Another of our freedoms includes freedom speech. I don't want to loose that right, but I am confused...when does freedom of speech cross the line and become discrimination? Is it within the law to accuse people of being terrorists, anti-American, unfit to live in this country? Is that slander? Does freedom of speech make that okay? When the words are filled with hatred, half a step away from physical violence, are they okay? When does freedom of speech go one word too far?

Antisemitism is the charge of being against or hatred towards Jews. Referring to someone as being antisemitic is serious; an accusation that shouldn't be used.Is there a similar term to use for the defamation of Islam or Muslims? There should be!!! Accusing someone of being a terrorist, a rotten Muslim terrorist is anti-Muslim.

Helen Thomas said Jews should go back to where they came from. She lost her job. Californians opposing
Muslims attending a fundraiser for community organizations told the Muslims to go home, go back to where they came from. They also used numerous racial and religious slurs. They didn't "tell"; they screamed! Shouldn't they receive a punishment? A reprimand? A fine? An elected official joined them; aren't they supposed to represent everyone?

I grew up in the south....moving to PA when I was 14.Drinking fountains designated Black or White never made sense to me. Neither .did blacks having to sit in the back of the bus...their having to get up and offer their seat to me, I was a kid! The thought of going to school, the movies or shopping together never occurred to me. We had a maid, I don't know how many days a week she worked for us; we also a man who did yard and heavy garden work. We certainly weren't wealthy, far from it. I suppose Bessie and Sam were paid very little.

Tootsie, Bessie's daughter was my first friend. I remember crying when she started school and no longer came with her Mom. We always gave them used clothes, produce from the garden, bouquets of flowers. We had chickens; Sam liked the necks and backs which were always saved for him.. I wonder if he really liked them...they have very little meat and are mostly bones...tiny bones making eating them difficult.

Even though I saw blacks weren't treated equally and knew something wasn't right about it; when I moved north I insisted blacks were happy in the south, had more white friends, were treated like family; I could not see the discrimination...the patronizing treatment.

I'm not sure exactly when my eyes began to open. Perhaps that began when I went to the real south for college...Winthrop College in South Carolina. I found that Tennessee is in fact a border state, not a southern state....being in the south was a shock!

More of this will follow.

Mike Tyson and a boxing memory

2011-03-17T00:42:00.010-04:00

I just finished reading an article about Mike Tyson in the New York Times...strange thing for me to do.l had been reading about Libya, Bahrain, Japan...all disasters on such a large scale...then Mike Tyson pops up on the screen .I began reading out of shear curiosity. Boxing has got to be one of my least favorite sports....biting someone's ear either!

There is a memory of boxing strongly encased in my brain. My first husband had a serious operation the year after we married...he was in law school and I was teaching in a day care center and working retail on the week end

His had a very long, involved surgery in the chest and was found to have Hodgkin's disease. Naturally I was in a state of shock...he was in great pain with no knowledge of his diagnosis. The hospital allowed me to stay there with him overnight, which was pretty unheard of at the time. His roommate, Paul, was in his late teens and had undergone open heart surgery.
It was the night of the Patterson-Liston fight...my husband, as well as the doctors and nurses crowded into the room among all the machines, tubes, monitors and other equipment. They wanted to listen to the fight;I was assigned the task of finding a radio; which i did. The pre fight jabbering was beginning. I didn't think Paul should be subjected to the excitement and had the volume quite low. Just as the bell rang to begin the first round, a faint "turn it up" came from Paul's bed. The doctors nodded approval; the volume increased. Liston knocked out Patterson in a little over 2 minutes, ending the fight in the first round. It was over almost as quickly as it started.

I'm always struck by the memories of that night. Here were two young men who'd just undergone very serious and risky surgeries; Even with successful surgeries neither had a good prognosis; Paul would live 2-3 years and my husband was expected to live 6 months to a year. (He in fact had a new form of radiation treatment and lived into his sixties) And what had they wanted? Boxing! To listen as the announcer gave a play by play...blow by blow as two men tried to knock each other unconscious...kill each other. My husband and Paul spent the day unconscious as doctors worked hours to save them...extend their lives. What do they want to do when they regain consciousness? Listen to the radio as the boxers do the opposite and try to knock each other unconscious.
Life is so very strange.

Back to Mike Tyson. He's really quite fascinating. he's become a vegan....there's no more abusing his body. He lives what he describes as a boring life...reading occupies a great deal of his time and he enjoys discussing the books...history, biographies, books I would never have associated with a man who bit a piece out of someone's ear. Boy has he changed! He adores his wife Kiki and it sounds as though she not only makes him, happy, she is his anchor him when his mood starts to shift...he does have dark periods. They have a girl about 3 and a baby boy...he takes the kids for walks...all very routine. Actually, I'd enjoy meeting him; he sounds fascinating. I wonder how he feels about violence and war?

Zoning in the suburbs

2011-03-14T11:18:00.001-04:00

My friend returned to her apartment in Manhattan reeling from an experience she'd had in suburban New Jersey. She and others from New York went there to attend a township zoning hearing. And why would they go? To offer support to Muslims in that community who would like to build a house of worship, a Mosque. The Muslims have been met with opposition from the township government, the residents.... What they are hearing is" build your mosque somewhere else." They are also hearing thinly veiled ethnic, racial and religious slurs; voices with bigotry, prejudice, hatred and intolerance. They've met islamafobia.

The group my friend is part of is "Jews Say No" They say "no" to Israel's inhumane treatment of the Palestinians. Feeling strongly about equality, justice, acceptance they traveled to that suburban enclave saying "no" to bigotry, hatred, prejudice. They said "no".....silently, but solidly, standing beside a group of Muslims wanting nothing more than to build a house of worship.

As I said in the beginning, my friend was reeling from what she'd witnessed....in a state of shock and disbelief. The hatred was evident....how could these people, these Muslims, these awful terrorist Muslims even think of building in their township? Were those words said? No. Were they hanging in the air? Yes. Were they written on faces? Yes. Could it be detected in their tone of voice? Yes! She couldn't believe her eyes and ears. Not one elected official or non-Muslim offered a kind, welcoming or inclusive word to the Muslims.

The zoning concerns were for safety...too much traffic....way to much traffic coming in to the township.... what about traffic patterns,....possible traffic conflicts with surrounding communities....would special activities be held in the mosque....they would pose risks, traffic risks the need for extra security...the children in the township deserve to be protected from these...traffic problems. When you live in the suburbs you learn ....control the zoning, you control who is in your community. There "traffic issues", creatively imagined traffic issues almost outnumber cars on the street.....it becomes a farce.

And so, another community does its best to remain exclusive using their right of free speech to hamper someone else's freedom of religion. When does freedom of speech cross the line and become intimidation... Today we're faced with Americans, waving flags, professing love for their country...their idea of America values are their own values. They live in an America I do not know.

America is a country that is inclusive..."the melting pot"....a land of freedom....equality for all...opportunity for all...that all includes "all" not a "select all" We, America, found ourselves excluding people from "all""....having laws to deliberately exclude people...women and blacks pop into my mind. And our courts threw out those laws, upheld the constitution inclusion of all people regardless of age, sex, religion, country of origin, sexual persuasion .....

People originally came to this land escaping religious persecution. They came seeking religious freedom ..and now, in 2011 we find a suburban community that seeks to deny religious freedom and the equality of all people....and accomplish that exclusion through their zoning, especially when "traffic safety" is affected. Suppose those seeking religious freedom so long ago had been required to overcome "zoning and traffic issues" and the fact their religion was Islam and they in turn were Muslims?

At this time in our country's history, we all need to follow the lead of "Jews Say NO" and stand in support of Muslim throughout our country. It is the right thing for "all" to do.

25th of January Revolution

2011-02-12T23:27:00.015-05:00

Congratulations to the people of Egypt. They've accomplished what was thought to be the impossible ....President Mubarak resigned....gave up the power he's held for 30 years...he did so defiantly! First saying he was the President and had to stay in power for the sake of Egyptians. He then chose a vice president whose past history suggests that he's an expert at torture, "security," the military and a very good friend of the US and Israel ...."well respected"...... which in diplomatic speak means his loyalties toward Egypt, the Egyptians probably comes second to the needs (and orders) of the the US and Israel. Mubarak could not withstand the will of the people

The revolution is dynamic, focused and dedicated to bringing freedom and democracy to their country. This 5 year old radiates enthusiasm and determination as he motivates crowds to echo his chants. Witness a future leader! Children are our hope for the future: Egypt's and the world's .

Mubarak did little sharing about his plans, what he would say to the Egyptian people and the world. It was thought he was going to resign Thursday night....that was suspected by all of the news sources I check, with the exception of one and I can't remember who that was. Again defiant, he announced he must stay...he was president even though he relinquished some responsibilities to his self appointed vice-president.

The anger, frustration and disappointment on the part of the crowds, the revolutionaries, were quite visible on their faces. It could almost be felt through the TV or computer screen. (I watched Al Jazeera English...live stream...which always beat the other stations to the story...they were fantastic.) It appeared to be a shock to world leaders as well. That's not surprising having listened to Hilary who told us just two weeks ago how strong and stable Egypt's government (Mubarak) was. ....not to worry, all is under control.

Friday the vice-president announces Mubarak was turning the government over to the military....he was stepping down.....finally, after 30 years of corruption, fear, and increasing poverty, Egyptians were free of him and his ruthless government. It was an amazing celebration...joy, pure joy. I heard a reporter describe how the cab he was in was stopped in traffic, when the driver just opened the door and jumped into the crowds... he could not resist joining the celebration.

This is just the beginning for Egypt and Egyptians. They have my prayers .....may they secure the freedom, justice and democracy they seek and deserve..

Where is Cairo?

2011-02-09T23:46:00.000-05:00

While in Egypt last year I fell down marble stairs needing 18 stitches on my face and after doing enough complaining about pain in my foot; an ex ray was taken, a toe was broken and a cast was put on my foot. After calling my family, I called my doctor's asking for an appointment the day after I arrived home. The receptionist was very slow. I explained I'd hang up and call back in 15 minutes; I didn't want horrendous phone charges; I was calling from Cairo.I called back in 15 minutes and my appointment was all set.

When I went for the appointment and signed in a woman behind the desk said."Oh, you're the one who was in Cairo" she began laughing, pointed at another receptionist, saying, "She didn't know where Cairo was!" I did a double take. Others in the office began laughing and teasing the receptionist. It seems I'd spoken to her the first time I called; she'd hung up the phone asking "where's Cairo, this patient's calling from Cairo." I made some comment about having lousy geography classes, with hopes people would stop laughing at her

Where is Cairo?.Today, I'm sure she knows about Cairo. as do all people with access to news.....Cairo, Egypt, the Egyptian's revolution;......not knowing about them would be difficult unless you had no radio, no TV, internet, no contact with another human being.

My phone began ringing last Wednesday....I bet you're thankful you aren't in Cairo... Isn't it awful?.... What would make them want to carry on like that?.....Aren't those demonstrations terrible? People are getting hurt!.....Were you near that square?,,,,,There's no food; no bathrooms...I wouldn't get into that mess....I'm thankful you aren't there! .....Did you know this was going to happen?......I bet these demonstrations and everything are why you weren't allowed into Gaza! ...At least no one asked, "Where is Cairo?"

I was in a quandary....how should I respond to these questions and comments? Part of me wishes I was in Cairo standing with the Egyptians...supporting them; being counted as one of those tens of thousands. As I write that I realize, I'm not an Egyptian so I probably couldn't be counted....but I could be a part of their amazing revolution. Probably being there would add to everyone's stress, including my own It has gotten dangerous and outside Tahrir square. Yesterday and today the number of protesters rose again....an encouraging sign. Some of the Labor Unions also went on strike which is support the protesters need.

Yesterday I saw a video clip of an interview with John McCain,,,he refereed to the demonstrations demanding freedom and a democracy in Egypt as a virus....yes a terrible, horrible virus that will spread throughout the middle east. How in the world can someone be that out of touch and stupid??? Referring to the desire for freedom and democracy as a virus....beyond words....well he did give us Sara Palin so it shouldn't be too great a shock.

AMAZING EGYPT!!!

2011-01-31T12:26:00.029-05:00

The demonstrations and revolution in Egypt are amazing, totally amazing. I could never have imagined the groundswell of action to remove Mubarak and his government. When I was there, if Mubarak's name came up in conversation it was met with negativity...he has ruled too long....he, his family and friends have become rich; stolen from the Egyptian people who have become even more poor; he doesn't care about his people or his country; he just does what Israel and the US want...he gets paid and we suffer.

It seems as though everyone, save the elite, have suffered under his 30 years of dis-service to Egypt. It appears he and his government never saw this coming....sometimes people in power believe they're immune from dissent.The masses may be discontent but "those in charge" are out of touch, powerful and in Mubarak's case evil. They are certain no one can touch them. I think he still doesn't get it....the Egyptians have had it!

His talk of reform, removing his cabinet, appointing a vice president (who no one trusts) are met with scorn and disbelief. He's had 30 years to reform....why, all of the sudden, has he decided reform might be a good idea...and expect people to believe he is capable of putting forth positive ideas that will benefit Egypt, Egyptians, all Egyptians. He can not do what is wanted, needed....demanded by the people. Perhaps tomorrow, Tuesday, when a million...I bet there are more.... are to demonstrate, calling for him to resign he might "get it." The world certainly does!

What's Mubarak up against? Take a glimpse of this video!! Here's one fearless Egyptian woman! Defiant, enraged, confident, filled with purpose and ideas. She's spontaneously chanting...no fixed script...just calling from her heart, allowing it to speak out loud. So much for all Muslim women being suppressed!! I know. I'm being dramatic. However, in the Egypt I saw three short months ago, this could never have happened. Probably the girl in pink would have remained silent. Had she been brave enough to speak out the secret police would have taken her away.

And what is happening in Washington DC??? What are they thinking in Israel??? If Mubarak goes they loose a key player in their Middle East game. Wouldn't that be lovely? Suppose the US realizes Israel is not really their best friend?? And if the US wants friends in the Middle East, Israel makes that impossible. I'm certain things are uncomfortable in Washington and I would suspect the powers in Israel there in a panic.They should be. I don't believe Israel and AIPAC can control this one.

Tomorrow we'll see...

GUNS...who wants them?

2011-01-17T00:47:00.001-05:00

It's been more than a week since the shootings in Tuscon, The losses created are tragic. Lives were snuffed out because people were in the wrong place at the wrong time....a very troubled young man acted on thoughts racing through his mind....six people killed and thirteen wounded...a semi-automatic gun. A GUN! A sick individual!! People being together in the same location!!

Could this tragedy have been accomplished by one person without a gun? I seriously doubt it....unless the person used explosives or poison. Without a gun chances of that happening would be slimmer than slim. A gun....usually the weapon of choice in domestic killing....Why?? Ease! Ease of purchasing and ease of using. In the US, purchasing a gun is a simple matter. Regulations? The very unstable individual who committed Saturday's violence purchased the gun he used only days before he went on his rampage. He was able to purchase the gun, a hand gun, legally, without a hitch..."only in America" In the US gun restrictions are the responsibility of the state....responsibility.... Restrictions In a nearby state there is a limit on how many guns you may purchase. My memory tells me 14 per week is the maximum...could it have been month not week? God I hope so...who needs 14 guns per week?

Violence is one of America's greatest problems. Few countries in the world have more guns per person than we do. The sole purpose of a gun is to kill....that's its function....KILL. We are so desensitized to violence and guns that had a Congresswoman not been involved in the Arizona tragedy, would the media and public have been as shocked and outraged?

It was suggested that a bulletproof shield be erected in congress to protect members of the house and the senate against gun use.....Well what about the rest of us? What is needed?...a bulletproof bubble for each of us to wear? It seems to me there are two steps that need to be taken....tougher regulations on guns and adequate funding for mental health services. It's a very sound beginning.

Guns? The NRA is the most powerful lobby in the country....some will dispute that and give that honor to AIPAC.....both lobbies involve violence and weapons power. They control our congress with their power... their money.

The NRA has protected your god given right...no, excuse me, your constitutional right to have firearms. Why does anyone have a right to purchase an uzie ? They they are legal to own but illegal to shoot? Now than doesn't make sense. Actually they are a rip off; you're encouraged to purchase something you don't need and can't use. And you may purchase a pistol but you aren't allowed to carry it without a license...how do you bring it home?

Guns are for killing....killing what ever the shooter wants to kill. Well, there are those times when the shooter makes a mistake and kills something...usually someone...he didn't intend. If he hadn't had a gun...it wouldn't have happened..And then there are the children who find a gun, shoot it and kill their baby sister, the kid next door, their mother. Sure, it should have been securely locked up..... I can see no need for guns....they are for killing...it's not for the hunt, you can certainly hunt without killing...try a camera instead of a gun. The NRA would disagree with me on every point. They are here to protect us. Not us, not me, that's for sure.

And the other lobby AIPAC...they want guns...need guns....get guns,,,,need weapons...get weapons...need bombs, missiles, helicopters, airplanes, drones...you name it, if it relates to war, killing and the military ....they get what they want from the US Congress. Actually, that's wrong,,,it comes from my tax dollars, your tax dollars, our tax dollars

How are they able to do this? "Education" false, "Needs Assessment" are you kidding? It's power.. by donating money, building power, using pressure...threatening, no it's not threatening it's merely a friendly reminder...we've enlightened you of our needs, should you choose to ignore this...not vote for us to get what we want....you need to remember.....you can be replaced as an elected official.

AIPC is the lobby for Israel....they are here to promote and produce (from the US) Israel's wants and needs...their wish list ...mostly military...Israel is not a third world country. They, Israel, are #1 on the list for receiving US aid. Our tax dollars send them 3,5 billion dollars a year...sometimes they want more...within the past few weeks we added on another 2,5 million. These aren't loans they are gifts. It's difficult to make sense of....for me anyway.

Once again I've gone a bit wild...wish I'd thought things out more clearly before I started.

Lets talk about mental health funding and providers on another post. I care passionately about the mental health issues and want to be focused.

youtube video new URL

2011-01-08T12:34:00.000-05:00

"A Child's View from Gaza"
The video featuring drawings from the exhibit can be seen on youtube..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byn4Byyya48
just click the above link.
The original URL is no longer the correct one to use.
Apologies for any inconvenience this might cause.
PLEASE, WATCH IT!!!

Suppose, just suppose

2011-01-07T01:13:00.001-05:00

Suppose, just suppose.......you live in a house that belonged to your father and before that it belonged to his father, and before that it belonged to his father and before that....well for generations the house has belonged to your family. It's not a fancy house, but it's comfortable and it's yours, your family's for generations.

You never thought you would be uncomfortable, afraid in this house....you can hardly believe it, but you are! You worry about your wife and children, your parents....all of them! You worry about their safety. It's so hard to believe....someone, some people, want your house....they've said, no, threatened, they will take it from you...they live near by...have guns, have their own guards....life was never like this before. Never has there been trouble, harsh words or threats...it's been a quiet neighborhood....it has been for generations.

And now for the first time in this house there is fear....horrible fear.

Most of us feel safe and secure in our house.....It's difficult to imagine someone deciding they want it....trying to force you to move ....successfully driving you out....assuming residence in your house...what's even more unbelievable is they receive police protection while they drive you out....while they take over your house and move in....they will continue to have armed protection....Is that to keep you from returning?

How can this happen?..happen in a democracy...the only democracy in the middle east?.. But it's happening!.

It is happening in Israel....where Palestinians are not part of Israel's "democracy."

Suppose this happened to you? Just suppose....it's something to think about.

A Child's View from Gaza

2011-01-05T23:43:00.002-05:00

There's excitement in the air about "A Child's View from Gaza" the exhibit of drawings created by children in Gaza.

#1) There is now a video featuring many of the drawings on youtube.It hasn't been up for three weeks and has almost 4,000 hits. It was created by Rajie Cook with technical and creative collaboration from Thomas Francisco. The children's drawings are powerful and the video makes them even more powerful....dramatic and upsetting. Every time I watch it it brings tears to my eyes. If you haven't seen it, I have the link below. It is well worth watching and passing on to your friends
.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byn4Byyya48
This link is new...URL originally given was replaced.

#2) The exhibit is preparing to travel to Maine for a February show in Brunswick at the Curtis Memorial Library. Tomorrow I will be taking 15-20 drawings to be matted....they'll be added to the 15 shown in Vermont, creating a stronger exhibit. The exhibit is being sponsored by Maine Friends of MECA and the Women's International League for Peace and Freedom.

#3) MECA, the Middle East Children's Alliance, is interested in having it come to the San Francisco Bay Area. That will probably happen in April or May. It's hoped they will arrange for a number of venues and even take the drawings into schools.

#4) I'm trying to arrange for children in Gaza to create additional drawings. Additional drawings will make it possible to have two exhibits available.This will certainly make marketing to venues much easier. Drawings in each exhibit will be similar with equal impact. Should you be interested in hosting "A Child's View from Gaza" or want additional information, please email: achildsview1@gmail.com.

So, I will be active once again with and for Gaza. It's exciting to see the drawings on my dining room table once again....even if it leaves little space for eating. The children's artistic skills are amazing....in many of the drawings emotions jump off the page. War's destruction, horrors and the fear they cause are always visible, I'd forgotten the impact they have on me....I do not know how the people in Gaza maintain such dignity and resilience in the face of horrendous treatment. And what is it doing to the children? How can the not be bitter and angry? They've seen and experienced way too much....the damage they've suffered will remain with them.

good stuff from Mondoweiss

2011-01-05T22:38:00.000-05:00

I have neglected my blog, which causes me to be angry with myself. I have all the time in the world....I remain captive in my own home....can't go out without using my wheelchair or walker....thought my boot would be off for good on Friday but found out today that's not going to happen. i'll have to gradually go without it....thought I'd be able to go upstairs, sleep in my own bed, take a shower, find my clothes....that's not happening yet either.

Today I started out-patient physical therapy and they have brought me to a screeching halt. They don't want me hurting myself by going too quickly,,,shedding my boot in one step...walking up stairs before I'm strong enough. The thought of falling down stairs hit a nerve...I'm going to down shift and follow their suggestions.

So what have I been doing? Reading Mondoweiss daily, which keeps me up to date on Israel/Palestine news. They currently have a series "Two Years Later" featuring Gazan writers telling their stories....living through Operation Cast Lead. Most are exceptional....dramatic, vivid and riveting. I've included links...one is written by a college student. The other is a video featuring a family telling their story. Both are terrific and paint a very true picture of what the people of Gaza endured for 23 days.
http://mondoweiss.net/2011/01/one-family-in-gaza.html
http://mondoweiss.net/2011/01/gaza-two-years-later-23-days-of-my-life.html

Will try writing little snippets....getting my blog and myself back inti action.

And my life is wheeling along

2010-12-12T21:51:00.000-05:00

Continuation of my left foot saga....My surgery was October 14, was to take about an hour or an hour and a half, After two hours the surgeon talked to my husband telling him the surgery was successful and my foot was fine, They needed to get me stable before he could see me.....seven hours later he was allowed to talk to me. That was a very long time after the operation.

My voice was very scratchy and it was difficult to hear me....much like laryngitis. When I visited the doctor for my first check up I asked about it and found I had to be intubated during surgery. I neglected to inform the doctors I had asthma, ( it only appeared when I had bronchitis and then very mildly. Big mistake on my part. I had breathing problems and needed a tube inserted into my lungs making it possible to breathe. Stabilizing my breathing and heart rate took hours.

Rather than sending me home I was taken to a rehabilitation centre for a few days. I arrived at the centre at 7:00 pm, around 4:00 in the morning I woke being unable to breathe...back to the hospital, where I stayed for four days...It was determined I had acute bronchitis and was having asthmatic attaches.. My foot the origional problem, was in a cast/boot, I was not allowed to put any weight on it for six weeks, I was given a wheelchair as "transportation... All this was a shock and emotionally draining....plus my foot, lungs and throat were painful. Not fun or what I'd expected.

Going home wasn't even discussed, So much for going home the day of the surgery or any time soon. All types of medicines were used to clear up the bronchitis and stop the asthma attacks....the most welcome medications were for pain and sleep! It was days before I was strong enough to start physical therapy.
Even that didn't go smoothly....the therapists wanted me to put "just a little weight " on my foot....each time I told them the doctor said "non-weight baring", we'd argue and I'd refuse. I insisted they read the doctors orders....which they had not bothered to do... There was no more asking me to put weight on my foot.

It seems every thing ends up being complicated and a challenge!! I'm weary! I left to go home after a stay of nearly four weeks.

Being home is a challenge. Our house is old, by American standards, built in 1858. The doors are small, the rooms are small, there is no bathroom on the first floor, where I have to stay, my bed is in the living room, the kitchen is tiny...once I was stuck in there for ten minutes because I couldn't turn my wheel chair around...the kitchen counters are too high for me to reach safely from my wheelchair, outside we have put in a wheelchair ramp but I can't manage using it myself and must rely on someone helping me...someone strong! Apologies, I know I'm whining....you won't have to hear about all the other little problems.

I do have a renewed appreciation and admiration for people confined to a wheelchair for an extended period or for life. EVERYTHING becomes so difficult and too much of the world is denied them because there is no wheelchair access. I don't know how they do it...

GOOD STUFF I received a visit last week from Felice, she arranged our trip to Gaza last year. She brought a young woman from Gaza I'd not met her but we'd emailed often.. It was so great to have contact with Gaza again!! They came from New York, which is about a two or two and one half hour drive. They brought a delicious lunch and satisfying talk especially about Gaza...reminding me how important it is and that I need to become active again.

Months ago my husband and I had our house painted. We never got around to rehanging pictures....the living room and dining room have looked naked. The bare walls were driving me crazy...they needed to be spruced up with pictures on he walls. Two talented friends came and hung all the pictures in the living room...all 14 of them. Most were painted by my father, a few by my grandfather and two by a best friend. One small wall is devoted to photographs of the women in my family; mother, grandmother, great grandmother..a beautiful fan that belonged to my favorite grandmother....my parents had it framed as a wedding gift when Ken and I married.

My activities involving "A Child's View from Gaza" were brought back to life by a phone call from Rajie telling me about the progress he'd made on the CD we plan to send galleries and museums with hopes they will show our exhibit. He emailed a copy to me and it is amazing...so powerful,,,it's sad, shocking and dramatic. Hard to believe children created the drawings. The man Rajie has handling the music has done a a terrific job, it's fantastic with the drawings, making the cd pretty much perfect..We are considering putting it up on youtube....we'll have to make some decisions during the next few weeks.

Today I received an email with great news....some of the women I went to the West Bank with are driving down from New York to see me. They will bring lunch, laughs, good conversation and I suspect a bottle or two of wine. They'll be here on December 21. Women of a Certain Age...a group of my favorite people!

It feels so wonderful to have Gaza actively back in my life. It is not without major difficulties and personal loss for me.... Hopefully time will heal wounds...emotional wounds which are more painful than physical ones. It is devastating to find you've hurt people...especially when no intent was remotely involved.. in fact it was not thought of.

The holidays are just around the corner....I am not prepared. I am looking forward to 2011 and ready to put a great deal of 20110 behind me.

My departure from Egypt, arrival in the US...home to Doylestown and news

2010-12-04T00:05:00.006-05:00

This post was begun between October 7 and 14...I am finally finishing it! Events of the past two months will follow!

My departure from Egypt was set for October 6. After my fall and injuries I debated returning home early. Changing flights was complicated and I didn't have the energy to deal with airline personnel.

Ahmed, the de facto manager at Cairo Centre sat down in my room for a chat...Susan, who do you live with? my husband....is he at home all the time?...no, he works...do you have friends to take care of you? all the time? no!...He then looked quite serious and a bit worried. Susan, I think you should stay here and go to the US on the 6th. You need someone to take care of you all the 24 hours. Your husband can't do that. You should stay here!! We can take care of you 24 hours a day.I think you should stay here!! I agreed with him and stayed in Cairo. The hotel staff...and the guests were wonderful; they helped with anything and everything. Cheered me up when I needed it.....left me alone when I needed to be alone.

Parting with friends is never easy and leaving the staff at Cairo Center was difficult. Who knows, maybe some day I'll return to Cairo on my way to Gaza and see those Egyptian Friends again.
Returning to the US was a breeze through the airports....the airplanes were another matter. I had called ahead with special seating requests which were basically ignored except when a flight attendant led me to my special seat. It was truly a bummer.

After eleven hours in the air, plus a layover Amsterdam the touch down in New York was welcome. Passing through all those lines and annoyances....customs, pass port checks, baggage claim...were no problem at all, thanks to my wheelchair and escort. I was picked up at JFK by Gail and Carol from WCA; we'd travelled to the West Bank together in 2004.

Having them there to greet me felt right. We'd shared so much and they could understand my feelings about the past six months....my disappointment about not entering Gaza....the reasons I had wanted to go there to begin with....something many people don't understand; even disagree with. We returned to Gail's apartment ton the Upper West Side, where we talked, drank wine and ate. My re-entry to the US was going well.

My husband picked me up around 7:00 and we drove back to Doylestown. Every thing looked the same...but it wasn't...my cats, especially Cleo (Cleopatra), would have very little to do with me. my foot made it difficult to go up to our bedroom on the third floor...I crawled into the bed in my little room on the second floor....though weary I couldn't get to sleep memories of Gaza, my inability to reach there; Egypt the Cairo Centre, the staff and their warmth and friendship were all racing through my mind.

I felt a thump on the bed, heard little purrs and felt Cleo working her way towards my face...she gave me kisses; I scratched her head and petted her. She curled up next to me and we both fell asleep.

All my memories of Egypt are positive except for the Foreign Ministry and the US Embassy....and not all of those two are negative. I loved walking in our neighbourhood....and finding my"home.

The next morning I had a doctors appointment....I wanted my head and foot checked out; to make sure I was okay. The doctor was reassuring and concerned; he sent me to the foot specialist. I arrived wearing my cast on the left foot and carrying my x-rays from Egypt. He viewed them, took off my cast and had his staff take new x-rays. Injury had been missed in Egypt...I had a lizfrank's fracture and dislocation...it involved the big toe and the second toe...and the bones on the top of my foot. I was shocked when he said I needed surgery.
We scheduled it for October 14...My foot was fitted with a boot/soft cast and I was to put as little weight on it as possible. The surgery was to be a short procedure; meaning I would go home the same day. The foot would be non-weight baring for a few weeks but it didn't sound like a big deal.....how wrong I was.

Egyptians....and then?... the Anglo American Hospital

2010-10-13T20:40:00.000-04:00

This is out of sequence; it should have come before the cast.
Oh well, it's a confusing time.

I arrive at the Anglo American Hospital. I refuse the hospital's invitation to stay over night....it's very old...1920s'...perhaps used in a Humphrey Bogart Movie.If I've had a concussion I know the gang at the hotel will follow the doctor's instructions down to the letter and watch me like a flock of hawks...are hawks in flocks? I'll ask my brother.

The Doctor is very nice....he thinks I have such a cheerful attitude and great sense of humor after such a horrible experience, "You're certainly fortunate you weren't killed." ha,ha,ha..."that's why I ran to the left, it was my only chance, ha,ha,ha I wish I hadn't hit the old man"...I am not laughing! "Oh, you're lucky he was there. He probably absorbed about 70% of your momentum. You'd have been killed." I'm absorbing 99% of what he's saying and feeling nauseous. ..

The Doctor gives me his business card in case I need to call him. It contains: his name, the hospital address; hospital phone number, his office number in the hospital; his home phone number; his cell phone number; a fax number. How difficult is it to contact your doctor...or even the answering service?

My foot swells up on Tuesday; it's red and painful. I call the hospital around 5pm....they say the doctor will be in at 9pm. "Call him at home or on his cell phone" I call his home, his wife answers, "he's sleeping. call back in about an hour" How amazing, wonderful to have a doctor so accessible! .... but the hospital.....the Anglo American Hospital....it's dingy, old...it's not giving off good vibes or instill tremendous confidence.

When I go for my x-ray I'm wheeled from the doctor's office to a doorway next door....it leads to a dark dingy hallway, looking like a basement in need of repair...only it's on the first floor. People sit in chairs along the outside wall...at the far end of the hall four men, in short sleeved plaid shirts sit around a square wooden table. At first I think they're playing cards; no! Having lunch or coffee break? No! Going over papers, reports? No! They're just sitting there.... I wondered who they are...why they're just sitting around the table.

One of the men gets up...walks toward me, saying.".x-ray? come on!" I follow him into the x-ray room...it also looks dingy like a basement with a VERY old table and x-ray machine placed in the center of the room. The plates used for the x-rays are chipped. He takes two pictures in record speed and tells me. "wait outside". Rapidly he returns, says "broken," hands me the x-rays in an envelope almost a third the size of x-ray envelopes I'm used to. He then walks back to the three men sitting around the square table. Me?...."But where do I go? What do I do now?" "The doctor." he replies..

go to previous post for cast information.

Limping along

2010-10-09T08:09:00.003-04:00

It's Sunday morning...October 3 I believe. I have been inside the hotel since Monday...only times out? Wednesday to go to the doctor's, have my foot x-rayed and an ugly orange cast put on my foot and lower leg. There is a break in the third toe continuing into the bone on top of the foot. I just can't use regular crutches....have no confidence. If I fall down stairs when I have two feet, how can I be expected to keep the leg with the cast bent ...no foot on floor. crutches in each arm pit. place crutches in front of me...not too far not too close and hop on right foot forward to crutches. You just have to be kidding! Actually that means I'm swinging on my crutches...all my weight....protecting my left foot.....thinking I'm going to fall on my face...obtain more cuts and brakes. Can't do it!

Next I'm given crutches you slip your arm through and grip "handles" with your hands. That's better but I continue to be scared to death of hopping. Back up on the examining. Apply more orange "plaster" to the toe and foot...."I hate to do this because the casts will be heavier but I can see you are going to walk on this!" I wanted to say...I told you so...but didn't. A very stupid; way too long; flimsy cross between a slipper and nothing is put over the cast. It is sticks out so far in the front that it flips and almost trips me. After a day and a half of trying to adjust to it, I leave it on the floor next to my bed. I am using an arm crutch on my left arm; keeping as much weight on my right foot and the left crutch as I comfobtatly can.

sorry i forgot to post

Things have been better!

2010-09-30T13:19:00.003-04:00

An sitting in the hotel having a cup of tea....no pastries though...thinking about asking someone to go purchase some from the wonderful bakery.

It has not been the best since Monday. Sunday I mapped out a plan to see the sights....the driver will take me where ever I want to go. I'm excited to be a tourist.

Monday I take a taxi to another part of town...lots of Embassies, boutique shopping, cafes...my destination is Fair Trade Egypt. I want to get little gifts for the grandchildren....want to do that before I hit souvenir shops for tourists. It's in a large French Building; I think it was an office building, not a home. The shop is on the second floor...which they call the first. The wood work is beautiful...the floors and entry/lobby, stairs, landings are all marble and elegant...even though the building could use restoring.

The shop's in many rooms and there are crafts of all kinds. The staff is pleasant and helpful but not hovering over you. I wander, enjoying what's there and begin building a pile of gifts....I can't believe the prices....even after transferring cost into American dollars in dollars they'd be about three times what I'm paying. Purchases in hand I.leave; looking forward to a cafe and cup of coffee.

As I go from a landing in front of elevators to the stairs I miss the first step, can't grab the railing and begin to scream and fall...I realize if I keep going straight I'll end up tumbling down to the lobby and know that's a bad idea. I begin running to the left stumbling down stairs as I go...my body is about one or two steps ahead of my feet. I hope to catch the railing on the left side which would have been impossible. I see an old man coming up the steps; I try to miss him but can't; I knew he was flying to the lobby but couldn't see him. I was now pretty much face first heading toward the marble floor of the lobby.

Don't think I passed out but I realized I'd hit the left side of my face and could feel the blood. What I could see was the old man lying on his back moaning; softly, then loudly. People began appearing out of no where. I kept asking , yelling for ice...for the old man for the back of his head. Either no one knew what ice was or they just ignored me. They wanted me to sit in a chair...I declined wiggled back against the wall and sat there. People kept saying American, American...There has the poor old man draped between two chairs...he continued to moan and I kept asking for ice.

Some how word of my fall traveled upstairs to the Fair Trade Egypt and a sales woman who spoke English and Arabic appeared.....a translator and support! She stayed by my side during the hospital trip..we dropped her off at Fair Trade Egypt on the way to the hotel. The decision was made that I would need stitches... An ambulance was called. I said I wanted to go in a cab, call a taxi. The ambulance arrived and I said the old man should use it...everyone said he was fine, I didn't believe them. The ambulance men examined my head...came to the conclusion I did have a cut that would need stitches. The stretcher was wheeled in and I said there was no way I was getting on it. I was going to walk...no they would get the chair...again I said no, I can walk. they were all set to help me stand up...again I said I can do it myself I was used to it, I fall opften.
I got myself in an upright position and did accept the support offered while I walked out into the sunshine... and there was another crowd of people...American, American. Again I was asked to lie down on the stretcher and said I'd sit on the bench that ran along the side of the ambulance. Wrong choice...the ride was bumpy and swaying back and forth. I was getting sick to my stomach and asked for a bag...fortunately I didn't need to use it.

will finish later

Have 16-18 stitches between left eye and side hair line...three cuts
Have broken my foot...third toe into the bone on top of the foot.

It's the pits!

Sad Facts and a Reality Check

2010-09-23T20:08:00.001-04:00

Sad facts are difficult to accept as well as to pass along to others. I am unable to enter Gaza. It's short and simple; actually it's long and complicated. There are no viable avenues for me to explore...I feel I've tried my best; it is time to face reality and move on. I've experienced an extremely emotional four days...all the days I've been here have been more emotional than "regular" days...the past four have been gut wrenching for me. I've felt heart broken, defeated, sad, angry, sorry for myself....you name it.

Last night I spoke with a new guest, a handsome man about 30 years old. When I asked where he was from he answered that he was born in Sweden but is a Palestinian, from Gaza. When I heard Gaza I told him I was trying to go there but was being denied permission to cross the border...political/bureaucratic games stood in my way.

He then began to tell me his story. He's here trying to get his wife out of Gaza, he hasn't seen her in more than a year. His parents are here with him; is their third trip to pick her up and take her to Sweden. Once they waited two months without success; the second time one month. His parents are from Gaza; they can't return., which is very difficult for them. And he hasn't seen his wife for a year...that is repeated through out our conversation. They have tried and tried and tried to receive permission for her to leave....it's been expensive, it's been difficult and disappointing; Hopefully this time they'll be successful. He wants me to talk with his parents, they would love to talk to me.

I had tears welling up in my eyes when I told him about not being able to go to Gaza. As he told his story, tears began rolling down my cheeks. It brought me back to reality...the "problem"....the horrible situation involves and encompasses the Palestinians.... My situation is minuscule compared to their's. I needed the reality check!

This post was begun on Wednesday....it's now Thursday night, actually Friday morning 1:45 am. Sleep has been difficult to come by for weeks. I just sleep when I can...it's a very irregular schedule and probably not particularly healthy. I'll correct the sleep pattern when I return to Doylestown.

I saw the young Palestinian man early in the evening...then went with him to visit his parents in their room.
I hardly know what to say....they have been through so much....love Palestine...love Gaza....it's so painful for them to be denied entrance to the place they were born and consider home...even though they have lived in Sweden for over 40 years. ...they are subject to discrimination... hatred...from what they said this has increased during recent years. They want to go home...where their grandfather lived, their great grandfather lived...their family's home for hundreds of years..and they can not return. Part of family land was ~~taken~~...stolen for the buffer zone.

They offered me coffee, cookies....homemade, brought with them from Sweden...traditional Palestinian cookies. When I left I was given a plate of cookies and apples...from Sweden but grown in Jamaica., The Palestinian hospitality never ceases to amaze me.

At one point I mentioned the pictures the children in Gaza had drawn...their experiences during Operation Cast Lead. A very noticeable change came over the father, a man about my own age. He maintained his composure but it was struggle...When I was a small boy, just six years, they came and burned, burned everything; we ran, my feet were burned, here and here and here (he showed me his foot). my parents ran but I was lost...I was on my own for weeks...no one taking care of me...only six years old...same clothes, no bath..my father found a man with a strong voice..they went from house to house calling for me. I was only six...it comes back to me...I dream it; I was only six.

I think... And now he's lost again....he may not go home to Gaza..they must stay away from the border..four or five miles, I can't remember which..

This is insanity! They should not have to be going through this. None of the Palestinians should. The US is the only way to solve the I/P problem....maybe US soldiers must.. I do not understand how the world can stand by and watch this happen....without US money and support this would not happen. Why my country contributes to this insanity...finances it...I do not understand. It makes me ashamed!

beyond difficult

2010-09-22T08:34:00.015-04:00

This is difficult to write...there are many thoughts swimming around in my head, conflicting thoughts. Tuesday was a nightmare trying to reconcile the conflicts to my advantage ....it was impossible. The day did have a bright spot, a few delightful hours.

The young couple who gave me candies were here with a friend preparing to go out into the world They observed my distress and invited me to join them...then they insisted. Nour would not let me decline the invitation; she's a very determined young woman who charms you into compliance with her smile and laughter.

The four of us spent time walking and playing in traffic. I thought I was becoming proficient in the art of crossing streets...they are masters of the art. We joined hands crossing a five lane highway... accommodating six lanes of traffic...they didn't blink an eye. Then we stood on a tiny divider before crossing the next part of the highway.

We went to a large mall complex to go to the movies. Yes, all the way to Cairo and I'm going to the movies . We discussed and debated what to see; they wanted me to decide ..I said no; no scary, no guns, no blood and I'd be fine...they would have to choose. We went to see "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" which I thoroughly enjoyed...just the right amount of action, fun and romance to keep my mind occupied with something light and funny.

After the movie there was more walking and playing in traffic....then dinner...Egyptian food.... a popular dish; spaghetti with a clear sauce and spices...it is served in a bowl and needs to be tossed to spread the sauce around. Individual small dishes holding tiny pieces of meat they are tossed into the spaghetti. I can't remember what it's called but it's very tasty!!

We topped off the meal by walking to the wonderful bakery...they also offer wonderful ice cream. Big problem....no mango! We passed on the other flavors and walked back to the hotel.

Once in the hotel the reality of my situation returned. There are few if any chances left for me to use in my quest for Gaza. Thinking of not being there breaks my heart. I'm aware the obstacles are beyond my control; that doesn't make me feel any better. Games are being played.... bureaucratic games, diplomatic games. It's disgusting! My tax dollars at work!

When visiting the US Embassy the second time I was told my going to Gaza...my reasons and hopes for going were "Diplomacy at its best" And my government won't even make it possible for me to be that "diplomat." I have moments of being angry but mostly I am so very, very sad. There is also disappointment but the sadness has overtaken my feelings. I am not falling into depression...it's entirely different.

A good sign, I have not lost my sense of humor....if that disappears I'm in big trouble. Tuesday night at 2:30 or 3:00am Egyptian time I called my friend in Ohio...it was comforting to hear her husbands voice when he answered the phone. Nancy and I talked until the minutes on my phone card were used up. Our friendship began in 1980...one of those relationships that no matter how long it has been since we've spoken, we pick up where we left off. She was laughing at my silly "coping" comments...her laughter lifted my spirits. It always does!

Ken has been helpful, encouraging, supportive...all the things I've needed...(except for forgetting my birthday). At home he's taken over giving the cats their treats and tries to hold them up to the phone so I can talk to them...really! We are a bit crazy with them but not as crazy as our neighbor whose cats think they've died and gone to cat heaven. She pampers them so much...feeding one cat chocolate pudding from a spoon....or my brother and sister-in -law who take their csats for walks in a cat stroller. Talking on the phone with ours sound almost normal, right?

How do I tell all the people who've support me...emotionally, spiritually, even financially? How do you tell them "mission not accomplished?" What disappointing words!

Who knows, maybe a miracle will happen...one of those calls holds the key to the Rafah border crossing...I'm on my way to Gaza!

Anonymous again....

2010-09-21T12:12:00.002-04:00

Anonymous: I am out of the country and don't have facts and figures with me....I will post them when I can. Perhaps another reader has them.

I do know that the World Health Organization and UNRWA have spoken and published about food shortages, malnutrition and vitamin deficiency. These are serious problems with children and pregnant women.

Israel's extension of a "buffer zone" on Palestinian land has greatly reduced Gaza's tillable land by 25 to 35 percent. This seriously reduces their food production...causing severe shortages. I can't quite understand taking Palestinian land for Israel's buffer zone. If I wanted to create a buffer zone between my property and my neighbors I would have to build it on my own land. Even if my neighbor was throwing things onto it, even shooting things, I would have to take that to court (as in the International Court for countries) It may not be right, and even illegal to throw things on your neighbors land but you can't just take it for your own use. Israel has taken and taken Palestinian land...As I said, why, if Israel wants a buffer zone can't they build it on their own land?????

AS for "Israel sending ~~millions~~, correction billions of Shekels of food into Gaza these days? I sure would like your reference source on that. Is this aid...you know, just given to help the people in Gaza...similar to truckloads of food that rotted in the desert in 2009 because the aid was not allowed to be delivered to Gaza. In 2009 Israel was allowing 50 items...50... to be imported into Gaza..at any one time ....they created a list, which no one in Gaza ever saw and without input from Gaza's medical or health care professionals, UNRWA, WHO...! The list also changed without notice. The goods Israel does allow to be imported are goods and food produced in Israel....which helps Israel's economy?

If you want facts:...The US gives more aid to Israel than it does to any other country in the world! I thought Israel was booming and was shocked they met criteria of a country in need. Speaking of BILLIONS the US gives Israel 3.5 billion dollars in military aid per year. That's right, 3.5 billion. I'll find some information about Israel's "starving" the people in Gaza. Thanks for writing. ( you may check this out on the US Gov. Foreign Aid site.

You proceeded to send me photographs of well stocked shops in Gaza...that may have been true for these reasons: The photos when originally circulated were taken prior to Eid, a major celebration at the close of Ramadan. New clothes are worn by children....or their very, very best. Stores in all Muslim neighborhoods are as well stocked as possible. Now, how do you know those items were generously allowed into Gaza by Israel??? Food is also an essential part of the Eid celebration; again availability would be at it's peak. Think about Passover....that is the closest I could come up with because of all the special food. Gaza's source of daily staples....food, clothing, housewares, etc are supplied vis the tunnels. Yes anonymous there are tunnels and the Palestinians in Gaza would not be able to live without the goods brought in through tunnels. They are not there to supply militants with rockets....they are used for that but munitions are a very small portion of tunnel business. It's estimated there are 1,000 tunnels....on tunnel roads....not hidden away in secret. If you are interested I did a post about them in 2009.

Should Israel actually have allowed the items shown in your pictures to be imported, I applaud them. It was a humanitarian act rarely exhibited by the Israeli government. Hopefully if Israel did allow those goods into Gaza this will be the first of many such actions....a change of policy that is greatly needed for the people of Gaza and for Israel its self..

I have not published your comment or pictures, sorry but that's my prerogative. If I'n not mistaken the pictures were released by the Israeli governments public relations department, that may not be the correct title for the agency. I do not consider them a creditable source...they doctor photographs, splice audio recordings and lie about "information"....fortunately, at times they have actually retracted said items.

...what about baking cookies?

2010-09-18T10:21:00.006-04:00

...and here I sit in my cheap little hotel... WAITING! I've not heard from Yolanda since my last post. Friday and Sunday are the week end here so the Embassy is closed. The wait is wearing me down; depression is hovering around my head, ready to take over....even without a moments notice.

I've tried to figure out why the drastic, well almost drastic, change in mood. I guess you can't remain Merry Sunshine forever. However I wasn't trying to be or even thinking about being merry and as bright as sunshine. I was totally focused on getting into Gaza; doing what ever it took to reach my goal. There was always an action to plan for, even if it involved some waiting. I don't know how Palestinians manage the waiting they have forced on them,

Action has been taken away from me...I am just sirring here; wondering and waiting...eating mango ice cream when ever I can. A few nights ago it was my dinner. The power over whether I am permitted to enter Gaza under the old rules is being reviewed, decided upon, discussed by people who could care lees.(except for Yolanda, she does care.)..SO, just let me go! I have what was previously needed. In fact I have strong documentation and letter of support. Not letting me in makes no sense. It's a damn game being played by Israel, the US and Egypt. There big game is trying to squeeze out the Palestinians or starve them out, especially those in Gaza. My problem/game is even less than peanuts compared to that.

God forbid I should take pictures, give presentations about what I saw, heard and experienced. My little presentations shaking up the world., causing waves of protest. Me? I suppose if enough people did it there might be ripples. I don't know...I know what I want to do and why; that's all I need. I remain in contact with the people from New Horizons, but not as often. They keep saying they can't wait to meet me...and I want to meet them. I know life isn't fair but this is beyond "not fair." It's absurd! Re-reading this I sound like an over privileged, spoiled brat. My apologies to the Palestinians~

I wish I knew some action I could take short of barricading myself in the US Embassy. Guess I'd need some sort of weapon besides my mouth and determination. Violent weapons are out...think Susan, think! Be creative....maybe doing something outside the Embassy would be better...if I could obtain news coverage viewers would see me as I am, just a chubby little grandmother wanting to spread my talents around.

I've got it I could use a propane oven and bake cookies....I know there are women upset to hear me say "bake cookies" but for PR coverage it would be a hit and very positive.The press would eat it up (joke, joke) I could bake cookies at the US Embassy, the Egyptian Foreign Ministry and then the Rafah Border Crossing. Who could speak unkindly of a grandmother baking cookies....the odor of grandmother's baked goods cooking in the oven? the taste of baked goods fresh from the oven? I think I have a project to absorb my time. Then I should bake cookies in Gaza!

diplomatic confusion

2010-09-15T08:28:00.002-04:00

What mixed up craziness....As I reported last Wednesday the US Embassy said they knew nothing of Egypt's regulation that they must send documents of Americans wishing to go to Gaza. Yolanda, the supervisor I dealt with told me my questions were the first time she'd heard of it.

We had the three day Eid holiday and she was to call me on Monday...when I hadn't heard anything I called her around two finding out she had a call in to the Egyptian Foreign Ministry...she didn't call back. When she hadn't called yesterday I decided to wait it out until today and call her around eleven. She beat me to it!

Apparently my news of the new regulation was news to everyone in the embassy. After checking with the Egyptian Foreign Ministry they found I was in fact correct but had not been told the whole story. The Egyptians want some type acknowledgement from the US Embassy that they know/approve/allow/recognize the person is going to Gaza. The US is totally shocked. It's my opinion they have pretty much ignored the issue after the affidavit has been signed; which does put the responsibility on Egypt.

This has caused major diplomatic upset. Our Embassy has been dealing with Washington Foreign Service and their legal department....Yolanda tried to make an appointment with the ambassador and couldn't get one until a week and a half from today...Guess I'm not the only one who has to wait for appointments.

It will probably take weeks to resolve the controversy... diplomacy moves slowly. Which is not good for me. However, Yolanda is proposing to the Egyptians and US that I be allowed into Gaza under the old agreement while they negotiate a new one. She brought that up; I was thinking about putting that forward myself and didn't even have to. I said earlier the woman can think and think out of the box.

and again I wait! This should probably be the final wait...I have to see what Yolanda advises.

I want so badly to be successful...go to Gaza...experience the children...get to know Mona and Talal and others at New Horizon and Mona's water purification project with UNRWA. It will be such a disappointment if I'm not allowed in....more than a disappointment. I'm hopeful but have to be realistic...I can't think of other appeals to make.; this is probably the end of the road. And the road needs to lead to Gaza!!

Keep me in your thoughts, please..

Birthdays

2010-09-14T06:05:00.002-04:00

September 12, Had anyone ever suggested I would be spending my birthday in Cairo...alone in Cairo,I'd never have believed them. It's a bit shocking to me. I expected to spend this one in Gaza....maybe a slim chance of being back in the US but here in the Cairo Center, Never!

The staff has been showering me with "happy birthday" since breakfast. Mid afternoon I went out to the wonderful bakery and bought myself a very elaborate birthday cake...was tempted to ask if they could write "happy birthday Susan" but I decided it would take too much time and effort. It's a large square cake, tall with three layers. It's half chocolate/half caramel; triangles of taste preference, which I thought was cool. the caramel side had half an apple cut and fanned out, a slice mango carefully arranged, a large pastry type thing, cherries and a fruit I can't identify; it's all covered with a caramel glaze.. Chocolate side has wonderful thick chocolate icing, chocolate shavings, icing decorator swirls. The sides are covered with ground almonds. It is beautiful!! I am sharing it with staff and guests...even took a big piece to the man downstairs in the small area you might call a lobby...if it were a lobby he'd be the doorman...he sits in a little area that's partitioned off with a glass window.

Two evenings ago I came in and he and two friends were eating their dinner out of a large aluminum pan...it smelled delicious and looked yummy. Here, here have some, yes, yes. The next thing I know a spoon full of the food was about an inch from my mouth. It was delicious...rice with what I'm not sure. There were pieces of meat placed on top of the rice. I was trying to find out what type meat. The pretend doorman picks up a hunk of meat tears it off and begins handing it to me,stops and tries to find a spoon. I took it from his fingers and popped it in my mouth...it was beef.

Now tell me, how many Americans have an experience like that and on their birthday no less?

Sharing is such a satisfying act...feels so good to me. The guests were a bit surprised but most accepted my offer of cake, especially when they saw it. A lovely young couple took cake...she was so excited, gave me kisses on both cheeks. A few minutes later she appeared with her hands full of chocolate candy...each wrapped in foil, gold or silver...with a small gold sticker with the company's name. Shortly after that he appeared with his hands full of candy. They were cute..very happy with each other...nice to watch, This morning they were going out invited me to come with them but I declined...all morning I kept thinking about how much fun I would have been having...

Another couple sent a beautiful e-card they'd made for me...things like that made it a special day. However, I kept looking for an email from my husband...maybe a telephone call. I waited and waited. Around 2:30 our time I called ...it was about 7:30 in Doylestown. We chatted, I talked to the cats (we are a bit crazy), finally I said, "I guess you forgot it's my birthday" He was very, very sorry....and he should be! We'll celebrate when I return to the US...it's going to be a special celebration, I'll guarantee you that.

Last Wednesday was my visit to the US Embassy and Yalonda...I was encouraged and expected to hear from her yesterday. Foolishly I thought,....she'll call around 9:00 am and I'll leave for Gaza on Tuesday...Well that didn't happen. I finally called her about 2:00 pm and she had no news, she'd called the Foreign Ministry and was waiting for a return call....she'd try again....it's 1:00 pm on Tuesday and I haven't heard from her.

For the first time since this saga began I'm beginning to become depressed...and angry. I need to watch the anger and not allow the "wild woman" take over. I am becoming weary...maybe a nap will rejuvenate me, I'll give it a try.

You'll never know how lucky you are

2010-09-11T16:26:00.000-04:00

I gave a big sigh as the taxi pulled up to the security street in front of the US Embassy on Wednesday...a here we go again sigh...I'm so weary sigh. I looked down the street; along the Embassy wall was a very long line...longer than the one on August 26 when I was here. I also looked for the American Citizen entrance and didn't see it...how could it disappear? I walked to the right all the way to the end of the wall where Egyptian police stood..one with a long gun. I tried to explain what I was looking for. All of the sudden the police man with the intimidating gun swung around...the gun almost hitting me. I must have shrieked; I know I jumped back and was totally freaked out. The policeman was laughing until he saw I was truly frightened. I blurted out, I hate guns, put it away. He stopped the laughter and was so sorry, very sorry, excuse me. I collected myself and followed him to what was the wrong door.

It's back to the long line and the man in charge of it. He wants to see my appointment confirmation...which I don't have. I have to have it to get into the Embassy, well I didn't receive it. I had an appointment on September 14 and changed it to September 8, I didn't receive a confirmation., I have to have it. Maybe I can find the Citizens entrance. The man in charge of the line has told me in his strongest voice, the entrance does not exist. A policeman tells me to go down to the corner turn right and it's right there....I follow his directions and find a small store with cigarettes and junk food; a barber shop, big stairs, important looking stairs and decide to try them. When I reach the top, I have no clue what to do...I come back down and ask a policeman who can't understand. Finally a very pretty college student fashionably coved in a peach colored head scarf; a peach and pink swirly loose scarf/top and a wonderful tiered skirt with the same peach, pink, with green, yellow, cream and deep orange. Follow, she tells me. We're up the stairs, turn to the left go up more stairs we knock on a door and she says, Here. As the door opens it reveals ten overweight men in Black slacks and blue shirts...come in, come in, here's a chair, you want water. I know this isn't the Embassy...it's a computer and communication center.

We depart and I notice a very striking brass and glass door across the landing. There's no sign but it looks official...I ring the bell and no one answers. I knock gently, I lock louder and see a small man with glasses making his way to the door . No this isn't the Citizen's entrance; it's really not part of the embassy, but it is part of the embassy. It's the research archival library with signs saying "employees only" carefully placed when you are insinde...come in, come in says the archivist. I receive a short tour and then I'm on my way back to the long line against the wall.

I go to the entrance and try explaining again to the man in charge of the line that I have a special problem, don't know who I should see, had a 9:00 appointment and it's almost 9:30. Again I'm asked for my confirmation, which I still don't have, he knows that. Well let me check on your appointment. You have no appointment, your not on the list! (I have trouble getting on lists) I can't understand...I talked to BB, head of the Embassy Legal Dept and he said I should call if I have a problem; maybe I could use the phone of the man in the glass window...he tries to dissuade me but I zip to the window. As the man asks for my appointment confirmation I slip my pass port through the opening. And begin explaining...need help, don't know who I should talk to, can't understand why I'm not on the appointment list, I'd spoken to BB, he said call if I needed help, maybe I could use his phone to call. Out of the blue the man behind the window says, "go, go , go in" and waves me toward the Embassy entrance. I hurry because I don't want him to change his mind. As I reach for the door knob a voice says "You have no idea how lucky you are" I turn around and see the man in charge of the line just shaking his head in disbelief.

Inside is a breeze, literally! there's air conditioning and a fan. I'm directed to the same place I signed my affidavit two weeks earlier. I take a number and sit down. When my number's called I take a deep breath, exhale slowly and walk to window two. The clerk thinks she remembers me, wasn't I here in the winter? when that group, code pink,, that's it. No, no, no, no I wasn't here then I was here in May with a very small delegation, 13 people. I know there continue to be unpleasant thoughts about the Gaza Freedom March and I need to stay distanced from that.I begin my "problem"...you need to sign an affidavit...I did that...what I need are documents faxed to the Egyptian Foreign Ministry. The wise woman says, I can't help with this you'll have to see the man in window three, he's busy go take a seat. Finally, someone who recognizes the limitations of her position.

I'm called to window three, I begin my explanation...and am cut off. Now! let me explain what you need to do, what we do...he talks about the US warning...you will have to sign an affidavit...I shove mine through the slit under the glass. Oh! I explain all I need is to have my documents faxed to the Egyptian Foreign Ministry....we don't do that you must take them yourself. I explain I did that and there is a new procedure...the embassy needs to forward them. Well, they can't and they won't that's supporting my going to Gaza which they don't support. Please, I'm not asking for support; I'm asking that you follow the new procedure...nothing more, nothing less. But we can't support you. I mention BB and Legal, no change in his stance. I thank him kindly for being helpful giving me so much of his time but I really need to talk to his supervisor. He doesn't think I need to but finally tells me to go sit and they'll call me.

Once again my number is called, god forbid they use a name, it would make you seem human, The supervisor is also behind window three. He doesn't look like a supervisor...at one point I almost question that. Upon occasion I have been passed off to pretend supervisors and I'm getting pretty good at spotting them. He begins with the same script about the warning, the affidavit.....Please, I've been through that. I need for the embassy to forward my documents to the Egyptian Foreign Ministry. Why? You need to take them yourself. I really want to scream, but don't...no wild woman scene...We go over the new procedure at the Ministry, he says no, we can't do that, we do not support your going to Gaza. I mention BB in Legal, maybe I should call as he suggested It's a procedure, I am not asking for support, I'll even sign additional papers just follow the procedure. NO Ok here we go; thank you for your help, etc., etc. I would like to speak with your supervisor. He looks shocked. She's very busy, she may not even be here, she has appointments. I certainly understand, I'll wait until she's free. I have no plans for the afternoon, I'm quite willing to wait. Please go have a seat.

My number is called, I give another big sigh, take deep breaths, smile and go to the windows once again...
I'm in for a pleasant surprise "Y" the supervisor is friendly, smiles easily and often, has long curly hair, blond hair, wears stylish clothes in bright colors, she listens, thinks and even thinks outside the box. I wonder how she was hired, maybe the interviewer had lost their glasses and hearing aids.

My information is the first time she's heard of the new policy at the Egyptian Foreign Ministry..."but lots of the time they don't tell me things..ha, ha" When i explain I merely want the US Embassy to follow the new procedure she smiles (she's on to me) I mention BB in legal if she'd like to call him. The letter of invitation from UNRWA, "that's very good" The support from the ML in the Egyptian Intelligence. My disappointment, frustration. I'm not a radical..."you certainly don't look like one" Here's the phone number for my contact at the ministry who handles Palestinian matters. I say I'd be more than willing to sign a release or another document if that would help. She promises to work on it that afternoon and she'll call me before 4:00. I add that I don't mean to sound corny but the reason I want to return to Gaza is the children...they've been through so much. I hope to leave them with some positive memories, memories of me, positive memories of an American. "Y" smiles and says, "That's diplomacy at its best" God I hope she can help me!

Iftar

2010-09-07T15:47:00.004-04:00

This was on September 6....I am so mixed up with time, days posts, blogs...how I've gotten so far behind with this one I don't know.
I have been writing some posts for Mondoweiss, my friend Philip Weiss's blog. He just posted one today...I wasn't finished but he loved the ending and put it up. When I write for Mondoweiss I write and then can put it in draft, on hold or submit for approval and posting. He has access to all the drafts, etc. I had left the post in draft and this morning he emailed saying he wanted to post it. I thought I wasn't finished but what do I know?

OK...it's time to visit the Egyptian Foreign Ministry. The Foreign Ministry draws up a list of people who are approved to enter Gaza at the Rafah border crossing. Somehow I missed that I needed to make contact with them. All my documentation needs to be processed by them for me to be "on the list" however before, someone with power and position could call and have your name "put forward" So I went off to the Ministry thinking I was a few steps away from entering Gaza.

The taxi dropped me off in front of a very impressive gate in a very impressive wall; inside the wall were very lush plants, flowers and grass. I went to the nearest gate; it looked very important and had a number of men in tan suits milling around it. I asked if anyone spoke English and was looked at with blank stares. Finally the man closest to me asked who I was looking for. After listening to me explain I needed the person who reviews documentation of people wishing to enter Gaza; he told me the Foreign Ministry had nothing to do with that. Again I explained, asserting I was certain from high Egyptian sources this was the proper place, I heard oh yes and was refereed to gate three. I mistook gate two for gate three; found gate three and was told gate one was where I belonged.

This quest, getting in to Gaza, is designed to wear a person down! When I return to gate one the suits have disappeared and I am met by a friendly security person who leads me to a small room with chairs, windows, a fan and a very helpful man who has the patients of a saint. He spoke no English but in fifteen minutes had me on the phone with the woman who process requests to enter Gaza. Sadly, I learn she has a new boss and there are new procedures. All requests and documents must be sent to the Egyptian Foreign Ministry by an Embassy, as in the US Embassy, which does not want me going to Gaza in the first place. They no longer deal with individuals....please, I plead my case..she agrees to speak to the new boss and see if under the circumstances an exception can be made. NO EXCEPTIONS!

So, I drag myself back to my hotel and computer...google the US Embassy Cairo...the site for appointments. The first available one is on September 14. I don't know whether to cry or scream...I take the appointment.
Two or three days later I google again and find an appointment available on Sept. 9 at 9 am...I sign up for it.

There have been many bright spots, lovely experiences, just plain fun. The hotel staff, and they are numerous, are all young men,most in their early to mid twenties... similar to having a whole group of Matthews surrounding me...they're my pretend grandsons. They keep my spirits up...the one day I was quite down and discouraged they were visibly concerned and as relieved as I was when I perked up.

The manager, age 23, invited me to join him and three friends as they celebrated Iftar. I was surprised... flattered and accepted without hesitation. We went by taxi to an area of Cairo called in English "the lady"
There was a very large intersection with most of the cars, trucks, donkey carts and a man leading two camels headed down the same small street. It was lined on both sides by small restaurants with outdoor tables filled to capacity with patrons. The tables were covered with food...meat, salad, pasta, chicken, every possible dish an Egyptian would want to eat in celebration to break the Ramadan fast. At exactly 6:30 everyone tool their first bite.

We had to wait for the 6:30 "seating" to finish; which was in many ways best...my escorts said the food later in the evening was better than that fixed for the 6:30 rush and for me, I was delighted to people watch. I wanted to take pictures but was without camera so I was loaned a camera phone with the explanation that none of them could take pictures because people would suspect they were from the government. As I was clicking away I was tapped on the shoulder with a request from a group of "mature" men wanting me to take a picture of their table. I wish I'd gotten a picture of the man with the camels...they walked along so calmly, oblivious to the blaring horns, screeching breaks and wild vehicles. They ignored the entire scene.

I've finally taken to exploring my neighborhood; walking for an hour or two, depending on the heat and time of day. Night is the best time to go out. The streets are full of people, lots of families, young women in their 20s usually in groups of three for some reason, mothers and children, men tend to hang on the sidelines in small groups. Few people seem to walk by themselves after 7:30 or 8:00. As I've said before...stores are wide open and doing business at midnight.

Most of the time I am the only person who doesn't appear to be Egyptian or Middle Eastern...once I passed a woman who looked as though she was from the Andes...(clothing and hat) People are always apologetic for their lack of English...which they have no need to be. I'm the one who should be speaking Arabic...I'm insulted by my own lack of expertise...I can understand very little and don't seem to be making any headway at figuring out what's being said. I do fairly well here in the hotel because we are used to our sign language. Put me on the street and I'm lost. I carry a card with the hotel's address...it's with me every time I leave the building.

Tomorrow I visit the US Embassy...hopefully I will receive good news. I realized today that the Muslim celebration of Eid begins on Friday....Egyptian government closes for the three day holiday...this would mean the Foreign Ministry won't be open to process my documents if the US Embassy approves their being forwarded. That takes me into next week....................

This is an adventure even if it's not the one I had looked forward to having.

Today I went to the bakery which was filled with male customers...pushing, shoving, making their selections. Cookies were displayed in various assortments packaged in the bottom of a box. When your selection is paid for you receive a small piece of paper, move from the cashier to someone who puts the top on the box and ties it up with ribbon, he takes your paper. When I returned to the hotel...where I was the only one able to eat them before 6:30, I was told that men buy them for their wives of fiancé. hence all the men shopping.

The manager here in the hotel commented on how difficult it was to shop there when many women buying sweets, My thought, women look at everything, take their time and more than their space before they make their purchase. NO...not the reason, the young men cannot bump up against a woman...she may start screaming,this man is touching me, bothering me, etc There is no way you can enter that store with out bumping into people...no wonder all the men were there at one time...I guess they knew I wasn't going to scream and make accusations.

2010-09-05T14:56:00.000-04:00

Another day without progress of any kind except for the small amount of hand washing I did. Basically I slept all day.. I guess it was on and off but I certainly slept and slept. I wish I felt rested. (That was written on Friday)

Last post I left off leaving the Rafah border after another unsuccessful attempt to cross the border. My driver Amed (I think) and I headed for Cairo. He wore a white dishdashah...the long one piece dress worn by Arab men...which to me looks exotic. His driving was amazing; he should enter a competition. First...he's fast, really fast! I'd say 80-90 most of the time; beeping his horn but vary rarely blaring it angrily. His driving was smooth and effortless easily gliding along the highway.

Mohammad, the man who'd picked me up from the airport, has become what I call my "babysitter" Checking in via cell phone either with me or the person driving me; as well he put calls in to Mona and other "person's of interest" who many be able to assist with my case. He kept calling Amed or me at least every half hour...checking in even though there wasn't much to check on. He'd speak to one of us and then ask for the other. After a while, every thine the phone would ring through our laughter we'd say "Mohammad." See, there are little inside jokes even between people who don't speak the same language.

At 6:30 it was time to break the Ramadan fast so we pulled into a truck stop.... literally, there were trucks parked all along the highway. The dining area was a large space out side, on the dirt, with about 15+ wooden tables. Once again, I'm the only female in sight. I wasn't sure if I should sit at a table by myself...using motions I determined it was fine for us to share a table.

A large homemade grill was set up between the dining area. A cinder block building housed the kitchen and a large space I suspect turned into the dining room during the rainy season. There was also a small room attached to the building for prayers. The meat coming from the grill was about the best I've had...tender, delicious ... full of flavor. Amed ordered an enormous spread of dishes: two kinds of salad, mango in syrup, rice (two kinds), a dish I think featured chicken, meat from the grill, soup, a yogurt dish...a tall stack of pita!!. I'm sure I've missed something. After his meal was finished he called for a hooka to smoke after having it refilled twice he was ready to hit the road so we left..heading for Cairo once again.

I have to say something about the men and their hospitality they extend to each other. Often I see groups of men reclining on the ground talking and laughing. Initially I thought these were groups of friends getting together...that's true and not true. It seems as though there is an instant "long lost friend" custom between the men even though they never saw the person before. Men just wander up, issue a greeting, pull up a spot of "dirt" sit down and then recline. I think it's a great custom. There's friendship going on almost everywhere where you look. Don't mean to be glamorizing the life here but it's unusual.

The Ciaro Central Hotel was waiting for me and it was comforting to have a familiar place to welcome me. The staff here is friendly and always helpful....they seemed genuinely happy to see me return. Having two unsuccessful tries to enter Gaza I needed to collapse in familiar, secure place...this was it! My friend Sammer from last year's trip suggested the Cairo Central...he'd stayed here for the Gaza March. His recommendation seemed to focus on the staff (the hotel itself is old and nothing to write home about except for the price which is cheap) The manager is 23 very smart and personable,,,he speaks English and German along with his Arabic. The employment of staff is interesting...they can't make much money per day...the jobs are divided and one does not do another's job under any circumstance of convenience. If you would like more tea and someone is standing right next to the water warmer..the proper tea person must be called to get it for you. I needed a box of tissues...there were three employees present plus the manager, who called for someone who was in the back room...the tissue fetcher.

I'll begin the next post with my trip to the Egyptian Foreign Ministry.

Catching up from Cairo

2010-09-02T11:20:00.000-04:00

It is now September 2 and I'm in Cairo. It's very hot and I'm not as exhausted as I had been earlier in the week. I reluctantly discontinued fasting. I was truly exhausted and am certain the fasting contributed to it. My brain, which isn't the sharpest to begin with, was becoming mush and I was experiencing disorientation. None of this will help me gain entrance to Gaza and I came to the conclusion I needed to eat on a regular schedule.

My hotel in Al Arish was a bit strange. I had wanted to stay in the Sinai Sun which is where our group stayed last year. I was over ruled...if not ignored.. and taken to an Egyptian Hotel in what seemed to be predominately a residential area. When we opened the door there were at least eight men gathered around the reception desk. By the time we'd made it up the three steps to the lobby the only people in sight were two men behind the desk.

The hotel was spotless, the building and I sensed something was out of place...and it wasn't me. I did wonder if there were women hidden away somewhere...and not necessarily with their husbands.

Once again, dinner consisted of chicken which I'd ordered when I checked in. It was wonderful..moist, a bit spicy and the bones were bare when I was finished.

Sunday morning I had a new driver who spoke no English but I can not complain, I should be speaking Arabic. We drove to the border crossing and followed the same routine as the day before. I handed my papers to the man with the power and took my place under the tree...a bit removed from the men. The three women were already in place, sitting on their blankets with their bags of almonds and dated in front of them. It actually felt very comfortable and normal being there.

The women's faces were veiled with only their eyes showing. However they weren't totally covered, loose cloth was over their heads and shoulders down to their waist and they wore long black skirts...they wore blouses that were visible when the cloth shifted. The senior member of the group had a leopard print blouse...very shiny and glitzy. She sold two bags of almonds to one of the men and needed to give him change, she reached inside her blouse, lifted up her large saggy left breast, retrieved a bag of money, gave the man his change, replaced the money bag under her breast and proceeded to jiggle things around until she was comfortable. So much for modesty and covered faces. When it comes to retail...closing the sale is the most important thing.

The man with the power was in a horrible mood but didn't direct it at me...he ranted and raved at the guards, soldiers, policemen and people whose title I don't know. Some shoving matches developed; at one point I thought there was going to be a real fight. And those of you who know me, guess what I was thinking? "I'm going to step between them, stop the fighting" Fortunately for everyone they stopped on their own. Why in the world I have this little voice inside me that urges me to intervene in situations I don't know.

The day involved many phone calls back and forth with Mona and Mohammad. They were contacting people, trying to find someone who could plead my case; pull strings. Around 1:30 or 2:00 I checked in with the power man who made it clear I was again denied entry. I collected my documents and pass port and got in the car for the ride back to Cairo. When we'd been driving for a half hour Mona called telling me to return to the border my name had been put on the list.

So, we turned around; I once again submitted my papers the the power man and took my place under the tree. The men continued to encourage me with smiles, nods of their heads and thumbs up which I appreciated greatly. I sure they knew I wasn't going to make it through the gate to Gaza. I was holding out hope because Mona had worked so hard to get me in and if anyone could make it happen she would find them. So I sat!
Darned if I wasn't made to wait until the gate was locked and the "officials" were leaving

Ruffled feathers and I'm off the track

2010-09-01T12:41:00.000-04:00

The comment on the previous post has ruffled my feathers, hence this post which started as a comment.

This is for Anonymous from Susan...it's a shame you felt the need to be anonymous. I can't help but wonder. does the tone and use of words have anything to do with you preferring to be anonymous?

Now for all...Muslims vary as much as any religious group. Muslims in some countries, certain groups or sects of Islam and just plain groups believe in social separation of the sexes except with in the family. Some, countries such as Saudi Arabia, have very strict rules that we (non-Muslims as well as many Muslims) view as oppressive, sexist, "wrong"

I oppose the death penalty in the US and its process of determining who is to be put to death which is racist. Stoning anyone to death is wrong..sexist, I'm not so sure.Societies with practices such as stoning are, as near as I can determine, run by violent, intolerant, viscous men. Usually severe treatment is also dolled out to both sexes which removes it from the category of being sexist. It is wrong!

Applying "psychotically" ("sexist") to any society is something that wouldn't pass the test determining psychosis. An entire group can not be label that way let alone diagnosed. Psychosis is a severe psychiatric condition. It's not a condition to assign an entire group. No matter, I do not agree with your diagnosis!

Brutalization? How can you apply that term or even begin to prove your statement? Making generalizations can be a very dangerous practice; often the roots of generalizations and labels involve prejudice, gone to the extreme; hatred. Generalizations can involve positive label ...a few exceptional people all of the sudden be stretched into becoming an entire exceptional society.

There are aspects of Islam I don't agree with. That same statement applies to Judaism, Christianity..Protestant and Catholic... Buddhism, etc. I joke about some groups within a religion as being "lunatic fringe" which is disrespectful on my part. Your generalization about Muslims is unfortunate, your unfortunate opinion...Using "psychotically" and "brutalization" as you have pushes me to the verge of labeling you. But should I jump to that conclusion?

I believe in looking for the good which is within each of us. (Just realized, is that a generalization?) Finding and encouraging that good is much more productive than concentrating on the "bad".

Perhaps I'll add to this...and would encourage readers to share their comments...join in the discussion!

Egyptians, Fasting, Denial

2010-08-31T04:02:00.000-04:00

And I'm running behind with posts. The past week has been exhausting, to say the least. There's good news and bad news.

First the bad news: I've been denied entry to Gaza twice! First on Saturday and then again on Sunday. I've returned to Cairo in search of official approval and placed on the list of those the Egyptians will allow to enter Gaza. I should have tried for the approval before I got here but my brain scrambled what I should do, Tomorrow I will try to find the Egyptian Foreign Ministry and accomplishing that, I will try finding the appropriate person to put me on the approved list. Sounds easy but it isn't.

Now I will back track to the 24th, which seems like ages and ages ago. I traveled by Transbridge bus from Doylestown to the Port Authority Terminal in New York to JFK airport. I'd purchased new luggage for this trip; easy to navigate spinners with four wheels, in fact the large bag has eight wheels. They roll frontwards, backwards and sideways making it much easier to wheel your way around, especially down airplane or bus aisles.

My packing wasn't finished when I needed to leave for the bus so I threw things into my carry on and back pack, I carried them onto the bus and proceeded to pack properly. When we reached the PAT I decided not to rush and let everyone pass by me. As I gathered my belongings I put the carry-on in the aisle, getting it out of the way.As I was almost ready, I glanced over and watch it begin to roll down the aisle, not bumping into seats and gaining speed as it went. It crashed into the front of the bus, bounced back and made a right turn down the stairs. It hit the pavement up-right and on all fours wheels, then proceeded to try to catch the bus next to us. I couldn't believe it and the bus driver just rolled his eyes and shook his head. It would make a fantastic commercial.

The plane was two hours late leaving JFK and three hours late arriving in Cairo. It had been overbooked and was filled to capacity. My seatmate was an elderly (ha,ha) Egyptian man. It was obvious he wanted to talk and I was not the answer. I noticed another Egyptian man sitting across the aisle and up one seat...he kept trying to talk to the young American next to him. I asked him if he'd like to change seats which he was delighted to do, The two of them chatted, laughed and disagreed all the way across the Atlantic.

My new seat mate was an American in his mid 20s coming to study Arabic for two years at the American University in Cairo. Next to him was a Muslim woman maybe 30 years old who'd studied in the US and was returning to her home in Cairo. Both were interesting and a much better match for me than the talkative Egyptian.

Back to the taxi and Mohammad, The first thing on my agenda was to purchase a phone. Mohammad made a phone call and we drove into the city...the traffic is even wilder than I remember from last year. There are NO TRAFFIC LIGHTS. Everyone just beeps their horn and heads in the direction they want. Amazingly I haven't seen an accident and from what I've learned there aren't too many. The streets were filled with cars and people; all the shops were open and fancy restaurants had cars triple parked in front of them. This is what happens during Ramadan. During the day shops and restaurants are closed and at sundown everything opens and the carnival atmosphere begins.

Mohammad drove to an older area with apartments and shops. He pulled up in front of a building, got out of the car and began a serious conversation with a man who'd appeared carrying a small box. After a few minutes Mohammad reappeared with my new phone (and the box). Where the phone originated from I have no idea. I paid for it and low and behold the man with the box and phone was Mohammad's father and their apartment was in the building. I was invited to share Iftar with them and accepted.

Mohammad, his wife, son and parents live together. The apartment was modest...it would be difficult adjusting to the bathroom and kitchen; fortunately I don't have to. The meal consisted of a fantastic soup..more of a broth seasoned with bay leaf, whole cloves, cardamon and other spices I couldn't identify. I thanked the mother "explaining" how delicious it was; fishing out the bay leaf and cloves and saying their English name...wrong; they thought I didn't like it. Once I convinced them I loved it the mother pointed to her daughter in law, the chef. Salad was delicious. The mother insisted on giving me huge portions of everything...it was impossible to finish, which I should have done, but I was stuffed.

Next stop was the Cairo Center Hotel...built by the French and in need of rehabilitating. It's fine for me and inexpensive, even in Egyptian pounds. I'm paying $29 American a night. The staff is friendly, helpful and very accessible..by now the manager and I are good friends. It's located downtown in the center of the city, quiet day time and after sundown the fun begins!.

I believed I rested on Thursday and ran errands on Friday when everything is closed until after noon prayers. Oh now I remember, Thursday I visited the US Embassy to sign away my rights to counsel while I'm in Gaza. When I arrived at the Embassy I got at the end of a very long, very slow line. Finally it dawned on me it looked as though I was the only American in line. Ah Ha...there must be an American only entrance, which there was. The process went smoothly and I received my notarized affidavit; at a cost of $50.

Since arriving I have been in contact with Mona in Gaza and Mohammad in Cairo. He's taken charge of me...he's a bit beyond a mother hen but that's OK, he's getting things done and keeping me on track. Also I have decided to fast as everyone is doing for Ramadan. That involves no food, cigarettes, sex or drink between sun-up and sun-down. I an not eating but am having one cup of coffee first thing in the morning and water throughout the day. This will be my fifth day! No one has expected me to do this; in fact everyone has assured me it isn't necessary, but for me, it's necessary to try and observe the fast out of respect for the people around me.

Saturday at 4:00 am we left for the Rafah Border Crossing, a drive of about five hours. Mohammad was to drive me but had his "brother-in-law" also called Mohammad take me. His English was very sparse but my Arabic is non existent so I shouldn't complain. It is a long ride. First crossing over the Suez Canal and then crossing the Sinai Desert. The canal was the only part of the trip I remember from 2009. I'm going to save the "crossing the desert" story for another post.

The Rafah Border Crossing....my anxiety level rose as we drew near. I was confident I'd be granted permission to cross into Gaza but wasn't at all sure of the process because last year Falice took care of all the details, god bless her...day by day I am more appreciative of what she did for our group.

There is a large rather ornate gate that contains the actual entrance (the first step) with a small box/room/house for the head man and them various gates for exit and entrance. Next to the gate is a small shop selling snacks and money cards for cell phones. Most important is a very large tree offering shade! It has lots of plastic chairs, which are in constant use. There were three women, covered except for their eyes, sitting on blankets. selling dates and almonds. Their donkey carts were placed along the road and the donkeys tethered near by. The only time I have seen anyone run in Egypt involved one of the women. She took off racing across the desert trying to catch her donkey who'd escaped. Her black robes were flying in the wind.

I went right away to the window and presented my papers: the notarized paper from the US Embassy and my letter of invitation from UNRAW. The man with the power was unfriendly, frowned at the papers and motioned for me to go away. I headed for the shade under the big tree but wasn't sure where to sit. I decided to take a chair, move it a bit away from the men but remain in the shade. This was met with no trouble. Periodically I would walk over to "the man" to inquire about my papers and entrance. I'd be told not yet and waved away. The third time I rose to walk to the window the men became my buddies giving me thumbs up and big smiles...when I returned they also expressed encouragement. This went on for hours until finally "the man" said telephoning the embassy, go, go sit in the shade come back 10 minutes, then 15 minutes and so on. Finally I asked to use the phone and call myself (using mostly hand signs) No, no no outside only inside. Which meant the phone was not capable of making outside calls. I was not happy! You have not called the embassy all this time. You haven't told the truth. No speak English...go. When I returned to inquire one more time he said No, No and handed me my papers. Why? No English. I was not a happy camper but my buddies under the tree continued to smile and encourage me. It did help. I hope they know how much I appreciated and needed their support...it was an unexpected blessing.

It was decided I would stay in the near-by seaside town of Al Arish and I'd try again on Sunday....stay tuned for the next installment. I hope to write that this afternoon.

.

Pick up and delivery

2010-08-27T11:09:00.000-04:00

We land in Cairo with out incident. My knee is throbbing a bit but so what? It's been in an uncomfortable position for over 10 hours. Cairo airport does not have "jet ways" to connect from the plane to the airport. There are stairs from the plane to the runway and a bus taking passengers to the terminal.

Entering the terminal is a breeze....literally. Cool air hits you as soon as the door opens; it feels wonderful! The visa for Egypt is purchased at the bank and I make change to Egyptian pounds. Once that's accomplished it's off to the passport check in. Surprisingly the line moves rapidly and I'm through in no time. Baggage Claim follows. As all baggage claims carrousel's people are pushing their way in towards the conveyor belt...they are packed in so tightly people have a difficult time removing their bag when they see it. And I don't see mine...bags go around for the second time and start on the their third pass-by all of the sudden a few bags are added; my two are among them and easily dragged off the belt.

Initially I thought the taxi driver would be waiting in the baggage area. When he wasn't I inquired and was directed to the waiting area. I was delighted to see a young man holding a "Susan Johnson" sign! Mohammad was as happy to see me as I was him. Mohammed, get me out of here and on my way. When the door to the outside was opened it felt as though we were walking into an oven it was so hot!

Airports have never been a favorite place for me. When I was about eleven I was sent to visit "friends" in Washington DC. I had no idea what they looked like...they had a daughter a year older than I was. They had lived near from to us in Chattanooga and for some reason I was being sent there.

The summer had been hot and a bit confusing. Dur, my grandmother was sick; spending most of her time in bed. She still smelled of Gardenias and gave me wonderful smiles...the gold on her teeth sparkling and would give me change for treats. She didn't wear her silky dresses that were so cool, smooth and comforting to touch.

Her bedside table continued to hold a white glass hobnailed lamp, aspirin-gum and her change purse...now there were also medications in various containers and a glass of water.

I knew she was very sick...once I saw John lift her so Mama could change the square sheet under her; it was soiled. The skin on her legs hung loosely, especially her thighs; I could even see her bones. The skin on her arms was also loose and flabby but most of the time her arms were covered by a bed jacket. What was wrong I didn't know but I was sure the medicine would make her better.

One day I was packed up and sent to Washington DC. There was no reason to afraid of flying, I was lucky to have the opportunity; but what about when I get there? Again fear was foolish. The people I was staying with would meet me. They remembered me from when they lived in Chattanooga.
Don't be foolish, there's no reason to be afraid. They did meet me and all went OK except often I wanted to go home and even more often thought of Dur.

The day I was to leave the woman told me Dur had died while I was with them. She hadn't told me because she didn't want to spoil my good time. I was in shock, numb, certain she was wrong. I flew home and don't remember Dur being mentioned. I decided she wasn't dead...she was living with my Uncle. My sister also lived there so she was able to see my new nephew. I talked to her, confiding in her as I'd always done and continued asking for comfort and love.

When I was 14 we unexpectedly moved to Philadelphia. Naturally my parents wanted to visit my sister and the new grandson. My myth of Dur living in Pleasantville had to draw to a close. I looked everywhere for her and then had to accept she was gone. It was my fault! Had I stayed home she would have been OK.

Airports bring back hurtful, sad memories and I have such a difficult time in them!

Finally, it's August 24!

2010-08-26T19:57:00.000-04:00

It is 12:45 am, August 24, 2010....the day my journey officially begins. My flight takes off at 9:55pm. And here I sit writing rather than packing..wondering what's going to happen, who will meet me in Cairo...I now think I have two people coming to the airport to pick me up. I'm afraid of trying to sort out what's happening because I might screw it all up and there'll be no one to meet me.
Right now, I can't believe I'm actually doing this...going to Gaza, staying for six weeks, traveling by myself, not knowing any Arabic. I must be crazy! (which is what many people think)
What do I want from this journey?

Meatloaf, chicken and the unknown

2010-08-22T16:54:00.003-04:00

On a recent Sunday my older grandsons' shared dinner and the evening with us which was a special treat. They both asked about the menu and when I said meatloaf they were thrilled....hadn't had it in years...boy oh boy, this is going to be good. I've picked a winner and I'm happy.

While I'm making the meatloaf the 22 year old and I talk non-stop. He's excited for me...going to Gaza...I should go and do what I want to do...what I think is best. It's unconditional support and that's the best kind; just what I need!

The meatloaf and the baked potatoes are put in the oven and we move into the living room...talking, talking, talking.

Husband's in the kitchen fixing produce from his garden: tomatoes, cucumbers, lettuce, green beans....I hear him call.."are these eggs out for some reason?" They are supposed to be in the meatloaf, which is in the oven...and I have two grandsons anxiously waiting for Gram's meatloaf. "Oh well ,Gram, don't worry about it, it'll still be good" He's a 17 year old wonder! We sit at the dining room table and my husband serves up the meatloaf...it actually looks much as it always does. Darned if it doesn't taste fine! And I doubted my culinary skills.

I wonder what will be a "meatloaf meal" in Gaza? I doubt it will be meat; I think that's pretty much a special occasion treat. In the West Bank we had chicken. We even saw their heads being chopped off...memories from my childhood. My family had chickens which my father would be-head; then hang upside down from our swing set...that's crazy and I didn't realize it until this very minute. He'd pour boiling water over the chicken so we could pick off the pin feathers. I assume the regular feathers were the first to be removed...all I remember are the pin feathers. Then my mother would make fried chicken. She'd use her largest iron skillets, fill them with shortening and while it was melting and getting hot, she would put flour, salt and pepper in a brown paper bag...shake it a few times...open it and drop in a few pieces of chicken...shake the bag some more.remove the floured chicken...shake off excess flour and carefully drop each piece into the hot shortening. Her chicken was the best!

Memories keep popping into my head and narrative. It seems as though I'm drawn back to my past as I embark on this journey into the future. Everything I prepare to do...pack, pick out thank you gifts, purchase a small tube of toothpaste...everything quickly takes me on a journey to the past. It's not unpleasant....just strange; causing me to wonder why my subconscious is releasing these memories.

This time next week I should be in Gaza...probably sleeping or getting ready for bed. WOW! The internet has provided a number of pictures of Mona and one of Talal. I think I'd probably recognize them, which is good. What about Mona's house where I'll be living...I have not a clue what to expect. The same holds true for New Horizons, where I will volunteer or the Nuseirat Refugee Camp it serves. I'm trying not to conjure up images of these places. I don't want to find myself surprised they're not what I'd envisioned. I will find out quite soon how things are and how they look. WOW.

Children knocking at the Green Door

2010-08-21T21:55:00.000-04:00

This week I sent my "children" off on their own. It was a bit traumatic for me. I've looked over them, protected them, shielded them for months. And now they're off...and I won't even be able to see them make their debut. They are off to "Art Hop" which takes place September 10, 11, 12 in Burlington, Vermont.

My "children" are a collection of drawings created by children in Gaza called "A Child's View from Gaza." Through out Gaza children's centers have developed arts programs to help children deal with the emotional trauma they've experienced as a result of "Operation Cast Lead." The drawings are amazing yet painful to view. Detail and emotion leap off the paper....children are very honest! They should not be exposed to such horror...no one should! The 22 days of bombardment, invasion, loss and fear caused physical damage and destruction to homes, schools, businesses, etc...and people! The emotional damage is more difficult to see and heal. Gaza is doing their very best to help and heal their children.

The exhibit for "Art Hop" includes 15 drawings and will be shown at the Green Door Studio which is in South Burlington; 18 Howard Street. I think that's a bit off the beaten track....but a high traffic area at "Art Hop." Should you live in Vermont, want a week end away or know someone who's in Vermont...please check out "Art Hop;" the Green Door Studio and "A Child's View from Gaza" Please, please, please if you see the exhibit, share your thoughts by posting a comment on this blog. Don't worry about which post to comment under...just comment!

And now, I need to go upstairs and begin to sort and pack preparing for Tuesday when I leave for Cairo on my way to Gaza.

I hope to bring more "children" home with me.

Trying to recall Cairo

2010-08-18T14:26:00.000-04:00

It's Wednesday afternoon and this time next week I'll be in Cairo. Hard to believe!

It's wonderful someone will be meeting me at the airport. I hadn't realized how apprehensive I was about my arrival in Cairo... Large airports tend to be overwhelming even when you've been there before and you speak the language....I was in the Cairo airport last year but it's a bit of a blur in my mind. It was BUSY, full of travelers, confusion, languages and dialects, an ATM with a very long line, a security spot where we thought our picture was being taken but were told later it was to detect if you had a fever (swine flu precautions).

We were met by three members of our group who'd arrived earlier in the week; this was a big help! They had transportation arranged but I can't remember if it was a van for all of us or taxis. I do remember the insane traffic! Also the main road which was lined with palm trees and some very beautiful gated estates. The cars raced in all directions and it was chaotic, to say the least.

Our hotel wasn't wonderful but could have been worse...I can't even remember how many people I shared a room with; whether we had our own bathroom; what floor we were on...nothing. We must have eaten but that memory escapes me as well. I went shopping for a cell phone with someone who'd gravitated to our group and supposedly knew all about phones and where to buy them. That too was a chaotic scene...he bargained with the sales man and they reached what sounded like a good deal for me. The phone worked well in Egypt but when we got to Gaza it stopped functioning. It wasn't such a good buy!

I'm trying to recall memories and information in hopes that will make this trip easier. So far I haven't come up with much to go on/

Not much fun here!!!

2010-08-14T10:24:00.000-04:00

If you by chance received an email from me saying I was in Wales and need $1,500...not true. Don't (and I hope you didn;t) send a penny.My email account was hacked on Wednesday. Thursday Yahoo froze it so I was unable to get in and let people on my contact list know. Finally, Late yesterday it was taken care of. I a[[o;ogize for the craziness....it was beyond control.
Susan

preparing, shopping and getting hacked

2010-08-13T00:18:00.000-04:00

   Time is passing too quickly. Even though I made head way with my "to do" list I added a few things and guess I'm almost back to the number of items I started with. At least I'm trying. The things that are being left undone are domestic chores... washing clothes, cooking, loading the dishwasher, changing the sheets, the list keeps growing.

   Preparations for being away for six weeks is involved....much more so than I thought. And I'll be in a country whose customs and dress code are quite different....in fact most things are different form Doylestown standards.
   Modesty...long, loose pants, long skirts, tops/shirts with long sleeves, modest neckline
   Clothing: linen or cotton to beat the heat..if not beat it at least make life a bit more comfortable.
   Long skirts they aren't a problem because I wear them most of the time any way though I did purchase two new ones...end of summer sale and a thrift shop.
   Tops and shirts long (maybe 3/4) sleeves and discrete neckline required, there have been a few shopping trips for these. I prefer linen and inexpensive; which calls for bargain shopping. I made the mistake of purchasing cotton knit tops which didn't seem heavy in the store; but in my bedroom they were way to heavy and I was burning up. Necklines are a bit tricky...I'm constructing little fabric triangles with lace or ribbon trim that I'll be able to fit inside those "revealing" necklines and bring them up to modesty standards.
   Pants: long, preferably baggy....not tight or almost tight. Well I'll make do with what I have that fit the requirements though they are actually "cropped" I'll wear skirts.
   Shoes required sorting through my meager collection and picking ones for comfort. That's something I have to have all the time so it boiled down to picking ones that looked like fun!

   I started this yesterday, now it's August 12....I hate to think what Friday the 13th will bring! Today has been awful When I tried to access my yhoo email this morning my password wouldn't work and I had to keep trying to decipher those rotten little combinations of letters and numbers...they don't take into consideration that some of us wear trifocals.Finally a notice popped up saying my email account was frozen because it may have been compromised. Then the phone calls began: "Susan, I just got a strange email saying you were in Wales, had been robbed and needed $1,500" Yes, my account had been hacked into and everyone on my contacts list received the same email. Naturally, I couldn't send an email saying it was a fake...the account and access was frozen and the hacker had changed the password. There was nothing I could do but answer the phone...say yes, I know and apologize.

   I decided to contact Yahoo...lots of luck....expect no help....expect long waits and lots of frustration. While waiting my turn in the 25 minute wait phone line I read the comments written about Yahoo's customer service. There were over 300 comments and I doubt 10 were positive. Almost no one, no customer, receives service at customer service.

   Finally Rachel answered and began quizzing me about my use of the help features Yahoo offers....well Rachel, they weren't helpful which is why I've called. Round and round we went,,,when she asked if Id filled in the form about "pishing" and emailed it in...I unglued...Rachel, tell me how I can email something when my account's frozen??I would like to speak to your supervisor. Can you believe they were all busy . OK we went round and round some more. I explained the I would stay on the phone all night if necessary (I was quite serious and I'm certain she believed me) And I explained she best not hang up on me; she assured me she wouldn't

   I tried in my calmest, sweetest voice to explain I knew she was only doing what she was told; using the script supervisors had given her....adding that I felt badly that her bosses and Yahoo were using and abusing  her, which was not fair to her or the customers. silence! Rachel, your supervisors are mistreating you badly by not talking to me. I don't want to talk to one any more... I want to speak to their Manager. Guess what the Managers don't answer the phone. They don't take any calls...I'm ready to scream...Managers don't answer their phones? You have got to be kidding!! How could any one be expected to believe that. The audacity of them to direct Rachel to make that statement.

   So I decided I was going to sue yahoo...contact the police. the FBI...darn, I forgot homeland security ... someone would have to speak to them. Oh yes says Rachel have someone from the police department call and we will transfer them to the legal department. I'm about to hyper ventilate...transfer a call, transfer a call, amazing. Rachel, I'm delighted there's a legal department to be transfered to...I am an attorney and would like to be transfered....Can't be done...you must be from a police department. Finally I asked her if she would expect her police department to spend any where from 25 to 60 minutes waiting for their call to reach a live person? Well that's what they have to do to be transfered to the legal department. I flipped back into my attorney role. Much to my surprise she finally agreed to transfer my call to the legal department...I suspected a trick. I guess I received half a trick I reached the legal department and there was a person only she wasn't there at the moment and had left a recording. I left my message. Do I expect my call to be returned? Not really!!

Support? It varies.......

2010-08-06T18:17:00.001-04:00

My return to Gaza is fast approaching and the process is going forward ...backward..some times with things I expect.... ofter times with thins=hs totally unexpected. Keeping up from day to day is extremely difficult. I am also rather irritable (that's an understatement).

I am more certain than ever that what I've chosen to do is absolutely the right choice. It's clear Gaza is where I want to be. I want and need the opportunity to interact with Gaza ..... learn the lay of the land, establish relationships, listen to the people...hear what's being said, educate myself, there is so much waiting for me to discover. I especially want time with the children. They've experienced trauma and loss well beyond what most people can even imagine. How can they not be afraid and angry? It stands to reason they will become angry adults.....their experienced in life has been tainted by repression, war, inhumane treatment. I'd be very angry. Currently the older people in Gaza remember better peaceful times....they hope life will return to that. For todays children the picture will be much different.

On the home front in Doylestown, experiences are volatile. Naturally everyone tells me they want me to be safe...I want to be safe....I'm not a masochist. "Be safe" can be said in many ways and I've heard most of them. It's been a surprise to find some people are angry....angry with me for being stupid; causing others to worry....how selfish can I get? Others are maudlin: filled with doom and gloom; anticipating the worst..with hopes I'll have a at least a narrow escape from it all AND learn my lesson; never do anything out of the ordinary again. Then there are the "jolly campers"...telling me how amazing I am...brave, dedicated, strong, true to myself....but...(they begin to wring their hands, maybe even tear up.) Am I sure I'm aware of the situation in Gaza? Oh please, please, please...for me...be careful. The reaction I find amazing is, "You're going where? Gaza? Ah, where is that? What's it near?"

There are a few wonderful people who accept me, what I'm doing...without any personal criticism, or questioning. Their concern for me...my safety....is just part of the acceptance..on their part and on mine. I'm not made to question my sanity, feel guilty, apologize for what I'm doing... explain the impossible. make excuses ...none of that negative, damaging shit. If I've totally missed something I should take into consideration. then I certainly want it pointed out to me...gently... information shared with an equal. All that's expected is a hug or two, I love you, be safes (for me and the other person.)

Two family memories fly back to me. The first involves my mother who was 95 when I went to the West Bank. Family was shocked I intended to tell her what I was doing....how could I not? what if something did happen to me? When I explained I was going to the West Bank, her response, "Well dear, I would never have thought of that. You'll be careful, you always are." While there I called her. I was walking along a high ridge, the sights were beautiful, we had just helped Palestinians tear down a road block and been treated to a feast under a magnificent grape arbor. I wanted to share it with her. Had my trip been kept secret, our wonderful talk would not have happened.

The second memory involves me brother John. When I went to the West Bank in 2004 he was any thing but supportive... asking what I expected to accomplish? Did I really expect to solve the I/P situation or make a difference? When I went to Gaza in 2009 his attitude was totally different. It was wonderful I was going. What a great opportunity. He was so proud of me... my involvement was necessary. He was so positive and interested, I even asked him if he would like to join our delegation. He declined but wished us well. I wonder how he would react to this trip his little sister is taking. I'm certain he would be proud of me and what I'm doing. He died in October so I'll never know.

Let me close this by saying I appreciate support....having re-read this I sound critical, ungrateful for people
giving me "support" I realize they are doing their best and I should accept it as support with out judgement of the person or what they've said. Life is not easy....it's a balancing act!

Time is moving along...I think

2010-07-26T00:12:00.003-04:00

This time last year I was coming out of my "Gaza haze" and doing something, anything I could do to speak about Gaza and my trip. I met with my Congressman's outreach coordinator; developed my slide presentation; began speaking before groups.....and I thought and thought.

Gaza changed my life. I said before the Susan who went to Gaza in May 2009 was not the Susan who returned to Doylestown in June . That's a good thing. The devastation in Gaza was a shock. I wasn't prepared for the total destruction. I continue to wonder how the people in Gaza manage with so much loss,..homes, buildings, schools, hospitals, police and fire stations, farms...and the most difficult loss people, family, friends, neighbors. I think of Gaza numerous times through out the day...it's become a passion.

AND I've talked of going back first it was to be in September of 2009, then January of 2010, May 2010 and now it seems as though I am really set to leave around August 24 and return the first week in October. I know family and friends are not thrilled or convinced this is something I should be doing. And I don't really expect them to be...they certainly are entitled to their own opinion about my journey. I am not trying to convince anyone they should understand or agree with my plans. I want support, I need support but if they can't give that to me or if it's given conditionally...with strings attached...I will do with out. I understand their concerns, worries, etc but this is something I have to do and I accept the risks.

It's difficult to articulate what I'm feeling....I'm energized but very peaceful about my decision to return to Gaza I feel no need to defend or explain this to others. I suppose that sounds selfish; it isn't meant to be. Before 2004 I knew little about Palestine...I became aware in such an amazing way...If I believed in divine intervention this would be a #1 example. Traveling to West Bank woke me up and kindled my interest in the entire Israel/Palestine conflict and GAZA.

Why do I want to return?? I wish I could answer that clearly. At one point, I believe it was late afternoon, we visited a tent city...I believe I wrote about this in an earlier post...I was emotionally overloaded and wandered off from the group to watch some children building and flying kites. They saw me watching and in no time we were communicating with out words. I was invited to fly the kite...given instructions and shared laughter as I tried to follow them. For the first time in my life, I was successfully flew a kite.

That incident has stuck with me. I wanted to play with those children...laugh...learn from each other...share experiences together...create some time that could turn into pleasant memories to hold on to. I wanted to return to Gaza and have more experiences with the children in Gaza. I hope by doing this we'll have fun.and by getting to know me, even for a short time, they'll have an American to remember and I hope those memories are positive in many ways.

2010-07-25T02:07:00.001-04:00

Blogging certainly has its ups and downs...I guess every thing in life does.Why do the downs seem to come at the times when they are least welcome?\

From the eyes, hands and memory of a child
I know I've mentioned the art exhibit we're working on, "A Child's View From Gaza" The pictures the children drew are wonderful...some are exceptional...the subject is devastating! Take a look for yourself!

We are working on venues for the complete exhibit and have some exciting possibilities. In the mean time a few of the pictures will be featured in Burlington, VT"s "Art Hop" September 11 & 12. I'll pass on more information about it as soon as it's available.

This time next month I will be somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean on my way to Cairo and then Gaza. Whew! I bought my tickets last week and immediately the reality of what's in store for me set in. I've never been away for six weeks; what will that be like? I'm sure I'll probably be homesick at times...it would be strange if I weren't.

My biggest concern it making it from Cairo to Rafah and through the border crossing into Gaza. Yes, I've done that but before only that time I was with a group, someone else was taking care of the arrangements. There will be glitches and problems; am I capable and resourceful enough to work them out myself....without speaking the language? Most of the time, when that crosses my mind I'm 80-90% confident that I'll have no trouble. At other times I envision myself in dirty, messy clothes, my suitcase fallen open; the contents spilling all over the sidewalk and street, tears flowing from my eyes leaving dirty streaks running down my face. I'm sitting on the curb with a crowd of people around me...Laughing! Not a pretty picture...thankfully I don't have that vision frequently.

A friend has offered to have friends of his help me in Egypt and at the Rafah Border crossing. That sounds good, very good. It would certainly be nice to have someone waiting for me at the air port. Our friend and his wife are from Gaza, they have five exquisitely beautiful daughters which shouldn't be surprising their mother is gorgeous. We met them at the "Gathering for Gaza in December" They haven't seen their family in Gaza for six years. The oldest child remember being there....

I would be devastated if I couldn't see my grandchildren, Friday night my husband, a grandson and I went out for dinner for a birthday celebration....my grandson is now 17! It doesn't seem possible for him to be 17 and a senior in high school. Dinner was so good food, conversation, company...couldn't have been better. He's matured so much in the past year. He travels all over Philadelphia on public transportation,,,for a suburban kid that's quite an accomplishment. He's talking about colleges....where did the time go?

How do the grandparents in Gaza and the West Bank manage not seeing their grand children? Their freedom of movement has been taken away. Does it make anyone safer? I doubt it.

The Long Road From Munich to Palestine

2010-07-04T21:46:00.266-04:00

It was early morning September 5, 1972.My husband, seven year old daughter and I were sleepily riding the underground in Munich on our way to watch water polo, the first Olympic event that day.

I loved the Olympics! I loved all those different people from all those different countries being able to play those games.I get teary thinking of the African athlete running in his bare feet...finishing hours after everyone else. As he ran into the stadium and around the track, he received a standing ovation. The noise from clapping and shouting was deafening. He was everyone's hero an exemplary athlete.. It was wonderful to experience. I feel ashamed I don't remember his name, where he was from and which sport, it must have been the marathon..

As we stepped into the light that September morning, we were met by German soldiers surrounding the fence around the Olympic Village...weapons slung over their shoulders. What could possibly happen to cause the massive increase in security? Neither of us spoke German so we reverted to hand signs. A pistol shaped hand;"bang, bang": followed by eyes rolling back and closing:a head dropping to the side; they sent the clear message of shooting and death. We determined the shooting involved athletes in the Olympic Village but that was all.

Near the Swimming Hall and right next to the Olympic Village we saw a concentration of soldiers and police joined by handful of newsmen and spectators. We then found out Palestinian terrorists had killed Israeli athletes.How many no one knew; nor did they know how many terrorists there were. The balcony of the Israeli apartments was in plain view....every once in a while someone with a ski mask and gun would appear on the balcony, then duck back into the apartment.

We went to the water polo event, I was afraid to stay outside or return to our rooms without my husband.. I believe water polo was the only event played that day, All the remaining events on the 5th were canceled. By the time we went back outside it was impossible to get near the Olympic Village. News reporters were everywhere

with cameras and video...it was a mob scene and "facts" about what was happening changed with each person you asked. It was too much for me....I took my daughter and returned to our accommodations.

Once we were safely "home" l kept wondering "who are these terrorists?" "Palestine??" "Why would Palestinian Terrorists want to kill Israelis"

It made no sense! I was living a "nice" little life as a suburban housewife, entertaining beautifully, going to cocktail parties and dinner dances, I was even a Republican committeewoman! What did I know or care about Palestine?

I did know a bit about Israel, they are always the victim and mistreated; they suffered through the Holocaust; they are turning that land where nothing grew, into green, green green; they deserve to have the land, Israel,,,,,oh, they? The Jews! They should have everything, after all. they have suffered so badly.

(A complaint was voiced about the above paragraph...it's reference to Jews, the Holocaust and how I was unfair and nasty. I eared by writing "the Jews" I did not intend to refer to people, Jews or Jewish people. I was referring to Israel,:Israel the country; Israel, the government; Israel the state of action and force. .It should also be noted that in no way were the Palestinians justified in killing the Israeli athletes.).

In the early eighties husband #1 left and I returned to college but never studied Israel of Palestine...can't even remembering hearing Palestine mentioned. Late eighties, enter husband #2 who is British, has traveled extensively, speaks four languages and really, really thinks Israel is racists, certainly not a democracy, receives too much money and special treatment from the US and what they are doing to Palestine.is wrong. I avoid his conversations and when I can't...I speak up for Israel.

I began listening when I heard Israel or Palestine mentioned and gradually realized I was hearing things that sent up little red flags. Still I clung to Israel and Jews not being wrong because they'd suffered so much. And very clearly, I worried that disagreeing or criticizing Israel was a form of antisemitism. I was pretty sure I wasn't but if someone accused me of being antisemitic, then I could be. I didn't want that!

I was making a very slow, almost silent transition. Then in March 2004, during a demonstration in New York on the anniversary of the invasion of Iraq, I was approached by a stranger asking "Have you ever thought of going to Palestine?" I replied, "No, it never entered my head," She explained a group of women, "Women of a Certain Age" were going in June. She gave me web sites to check and her email address. I began thinking of Palestine full time. I went to New York, met the women and signed on. I asked Gail why she'd chosen me..... She saw my grandson and me sitting on the curb being interviewed by a reporter and decided "go for it" I was the only person she asked out of the hundreds of thousands of people there. I believe it was divine intervention....not everyone agreed with me.

For Palestinians, life in the West Bank is one humiliating experience after another. I do not know how they are able to maintain their composure. They are harassed at checkpoints. insulted by unexpected searches, fearful of the Border Patrol, soldiers and police, powerless as settlers take their homes and land....destroy their trees. Forced to live in assigned areas...unable to leave them. road blocks make travel difficult or impossible. The threat of unjustified arrest and imprisonment is always a possibility.

How do they maintain such pride and dignity? They are amazing people!!! Kind, gracious, hospitable they do not complain, but they do ask "Why" Why don't other countries help us?"" Why?" "Why?" Why?" And what answer can you give them? There is no excuse for what is being done and no excuse for allowing it to happen or continue. No countries even try to help.

Israel has created an atmosphere of fear in Israel and in the West Bank. Because of military presences Israelis believe they are in danger....why else would soldiers be needed? and so many of them. Their government tells them they are at risk, danger is lurking around each corner You need protection from people who wont recognize your country.... want it destroyed. . The Israeli government has created an environment of imagined fear...they need the army and other protections to be safe.

In May 2009 I was able to join a delegation traveling to Gaza.It is impossible to describe the conditions in Gaza! Rubble everywhere; ghostly shells of buildings; homes flattened or left in jagged piles; farmland and orchards ruined; everywhere you look their is massive destruction. I wasn't prepared for the magnitude of destruction left by Israel's "Operation Cast Lead"

People who'd lost their homes were living in tents of all sizes and description. Not only had they lost their homes, most of their possessions were gone as well. The most devastating loss was that of family, friends and neighbors.
Almost everyone we met had lost a loved one. Many in Gaza are very angry; anger that is justified. I don't know what I would do faced with those circumstances. It would be difficult not to hate the people who had caused such devastation.

The people of Gaza were as gracious, kind, helpful and hospitable as the Palestinians from the West Bank. With so very little they were prepared to share what they had. They didn't ask for handouts, or to have help getting out of Gaza....all they asked was that when we arrived home we tell people how it is in Gaza. They are trapped, unable to leave due to the siege and closed borders; even those with medical conditions needing treatment in other countries are often denied permission to travel. Food and items needed for daily living are limited, controlled by Israel. Damage from the bombardment has not been repaired or rebuilt because Israel has denied the necessary supplies to cross into Gaza.

This summer the road is leading me to Palestine once again. While in Gaza last year I was invited to return and volunteer at the Qattan Center for the Child. Since then I have received a second invitation; this one with Afaq Jadeeda. So I'll leave for Gaza the last week of August and spend six weeks there, spending most of my time with the children and I can't wait. I hope they'll accept me, teach me some Arabic, help me fly kites....and that we'll build friendship and respect for each other...and between Americans and Palestinians.

Had anyone told me at the Olympics in 1972 that I would be happily planning a trip to Palestine I would never have believed them. I wouldn't have believed it in 2002. Thank goodness we are able, if we choose, to change our attitudes and beliefs when we find they are wrong. It has truly been a long road from Munich to Palestine.Many supportive people have contributed, making this all possible. Fortunately I've been able to make the journey .

My Road-Trip to the Heartland

2010-06-28T00:45:00.200-04:00

Sunday, May 2......and it is now June 27..
Some how I lost the entire post...very discouraging, to say the least. Here we go again.

On May 2nd I began a road trip to Iowa, making presentations along the way. The planning took place over a matter of days. My husband was in Iowa working with a colleague. We have friends there and along the way so I decided to drive out on my own and we'd make the return trip together.

My bright idea to give presentations while I was traveling hit me one morning. I began writing emails and making phone calls...in three days I had set up four engagements and I already had one for the morning of May 2, the day I was to leave. I began sharpening up my slide show and researching the communities I'd be visiting.

Usually I change the slides a bit before each presentation. It adds variety and most importantly puts me in the position of concentrating on Gaza, my pictures, the stories they tell and the things I want to say. This time I added a slide which proved to be very effective. A map of Gaza is always shown ...this time to the left of the map I typed in Gaza'z size in sq. miles, its total population and the population under age 15. On the right side I added the same statistics for the community I was speaking in. It certainly help the audience compare the two and realize how small Gaza is, 139 sq miles, with a population of 1.5 million and half the population under 15. It's one of the most populated areas on the planet.

May 2 I spoke at the Presbyterian church here in Doylestown. The group was small but interested; which is much better than a large group that's disinterested. They were disturbed by the destruction, the tent cities and the people forced into this temporary housing. I worried about the presentation being shortened to 35 minutes to accommodate their schedule. Everything went smoothly; I'm sure I was the only person aware they were missing information.

I'd hoped to leave Doylestown around 11:30. Things didn't work out that way and I left about 2, well aware I was very tired. As I drove out the PA turnpike I opened all the car windows, letting in the fresh air to keep me awake. Next I splashed water on my face. It did little other than get my clothes wet. By the time I passed Harrisburg my head began to nod and I'd jerk myself awake. After the third time that happened, I knew I'd better get off the turnpike, find a motel and sleep. Wise decision!

Monday was my first stop. Cleveland! I was visiting with very dear friends. Our time together was cut short because I stopped to sleep, but I got there in good shape...if I hadn't stopped, who knows what might have happened.

Tuesday afternoon I left for Chicago, Downers Grove to be precise. I arrived in the Chicago area well before dark and promptly got lost. My cousin's husband Tom became my navigator via the telephone. Right off the bat we ran into trouble. He asked where I was and I told where route 30m runs into route 50. "Can't be" says Tom, "It doesn't exist!" Well, the signs were right in front of me. Puzzling, until he figured out I was in Indiana not Illinois! After two hours I made it to Downers Grove.

My cousin, Ditty arranged a presentation for me at her church for Wednesday evening...complete with a free home made middle eastern dinner. Needless to say it was well attended with over 50 people. I do believe the dinner was the drawing card.

The presentation started while the dinner was under way. Actually it worked very well. Diners kept noise to a minimum and actually they often arrived at questions by consensus. They asked why the blockade extended to people crossing the border, especially for medical reasons or students who had received scholarships to study abroad.
There's no logical answer to that.....Israel does it because they want to and they can! The International community looks the other way. They may say it's to keep terrorists out of Israel but few people believe that.

What about the tunnels? What about the rockets? Once the slides showed the tunnels are not hidden away but easily visible; that they supplied Gaza's need for food and most other goods. The negativity began to vanish. Yes, shooting off rockets is wrong! However the rockets from Gaza cannot be directed to a spicific location, like a missile. One person has been killed by a rocket since 2008. Naturally taking one life is one life too many, but it is difficult to compare that to 1,400 Palestinian lives taken during the bombardment and invasion..

Ditty and I had talked earlier about why I haven't asked for an honorarium when I speak. My reply was I would hate for for a group to not have me speak because they couldn't give me one. Gaza's story is too important to have to pay to hear it. She understood my reasoning but had doubts about it. Especially since I need to fund raise for my trip.

Anyway, she placed baskets around the room and after the presentation announced anyone wishing to help defray the expenses of my return trip to Gaza in the fall could leave a donation and keep me in their thoughts and prayers. The response was generous, very generous...one person handed me a large bill to be used for the trip or the art exhibit. I'm unsure of what to do...should arrangements be made so those wanting to can leave a donation?

Returning

2010-05-21T16:40:00.013-04:00

My apologies, How I have been away from my blog for so long I don't understand. I always wondered how bloggers remained silent for months. then reappeared with little explanation. How did they just "drop out" and then return? I still don't know, but here I am doing the same thing. There were no major traumas, no change in my commitment to Gaza and the West Bank...I just didn't write~

Have put up the post I wrote on March 6 explaining A Child's View From Gaza,a traveling art show of drawings and paintings created by children in Gaza. The children's art work is amazing! It's difficult deciding which pictures can be put in the exhibit

From February I had written:
We've had our third February snow storm worthy of much comment, fretting and sore backs from shoveling.
Being stuck at home my mind began looking for something to do...I wandered along a curvy path leading to a clearing edged with enormous bright yellow forsythia bushes. That led me to a memory and has put me in a thinking mood...memories and the future...

I'll have to do some thinking about "the clearing, edged with enormous bright yellow forsythia" That intrigues me.

I'll attempt to pick up the bits and pieces of what's transpired between February and now.

The presentation at Rembrandt's became a reality...attendance was small but as often happens in such cases...there was time for much discussion and that's invaluable. The presentation received praise, which is appreciated. The remarks also led me to make changes which I think have made it stronger. We spoke about putting the presentation on line, but I think that's in the distant future.

Have yet to send out a small mass-mailing to prospective venues. Seems I always find an excuse to avoid doing it. Wish I understood why! I should stop wondering and just do it!! I do believe I undermine myself by dragging my feet and questioning, questioning, questioning. My desire is for everything to be perfect so I revise and revise which is ridiculous because nothing is perfect.

I took part in a teach-in at the University Pennsylvania titled Israel Apartheid. It was interesting and I'm glad I participated. I wasn't sure I was going to because i didn't see where I fit in. Really didn't think I could contribute to the topic. It's pretty clear opinion is moving towards agreement that Israel is an apartheid state....in many ways the Palestinians are subject to the same discrimination and treatment Blacks were in South Africa. Hopefully the BDS movement will pressure Israel to grant the Palestinians the equality they deserve.

In early May I set off on a road-trip; giving five presentations in different towns/cities...it was a fantastic experience and I hope to schedule more of them. I'll devote my next post to my road-trip adventure: where I went, what I did and what I learned.

Please, stay tuned! I won't disappear again!

A Child's View From Gaza #1 posted May 21, 2010

2010-03-06T18:22:00.007-05:00

The title above is #1 because there will be others about A Child's View From Gaza In Gaza we visited three children's centers they all displayed pictures drawn by their children. At Qattan we took photos of work from their Art Therapy Class. (They are featured in my blog entry about Qattan) The night before we left Gaza our group selected projects we hoped to accomplish when we returned home. A children's art exhibit was among those selected and I volunteered to work on it.

Since November, I've devoted much of my time to make this exhibit happen. Six centers are participating; the three we visited and three I contacted at the suggestion of MECA (Middle East Children's Alliance) Each Center is from a different area in Gaza. I wonder if the pictures will reflect those differences.

Thank goodness for email....it has been our only means of communication. Gaza has no residential mail that I'm aware of. The people I'm working with have access to computers where they work; I don't know if they have them at home. Within Gaza cell phones are relied on for communication. They offer freedom to people who have little freedom.

The children were presented with three areas expression for their pictures: the bombardment, invasion and their aftermath; their every day lives, home, school, play, family; the future..dreams, needs, wants. I don't like telling them what to draw about; but felt it was necessarw for the exhibit to have some continuity.

School supplies, materials and paper are in short supply and I have concerns the art exhibit used much of what they had. When I asked for sizes I received paper sizes I am totally unfamiliar with.

Getting the pictures out of Gaza has been an extremely difficult task. Originally, it was planned they would be picked up and brought back to the US by participants in The Gaza Freedom March. Since they weren't allowed into Gaza, the pictures remained there.

Making things happen...positively!

2010-02-18T19:09:00.005-05:00

Positive things are happening...they must be! Perhaps writing them down will help me accept that they are; providing incentive and a more positive attitude. I should not be down!

I'm exploring the possibility of immersion in conversational Arabic before I am immersed in it for real. It could be a great help to me. The need for Arabic is scary because I have little if any aptitude for languages. More on that as it progresses...or falls through.

Great news: I received a sizable donation towards my Gaza trip. Very much a surprise and very much appreciated! I'm overwhelmed by the generosity. It's exciting having someone believe in you; invest in you. We, the donor and I, often discussed my support of Palestine and Gaza and how much my involvement means to me. My friend summed it in one word, passion. Thanks to her I'm well on the way to having the funds I need to follow my passion for Gaza. It's a humbling experience.

For weeks I've worked on the materials to explain and promote my presentation. Finally, they are finished and ready to attach to emails or print and mail. Currently I'm contacting 25 possible venues; faith based groups, schools and over 55 communities. I have my fingers crossed I'll have at least four positive responses. Next there's Saxby's, I'm reserving three time slots.

There's an exciting possibility for a presentation at a popular Philadelphia restaurant...without a rental fee! While having coffee there one Sunday I struck up conversation with a man who turned out to be one of the owners. I'd been telling him about Gaza and my report backs. He suggested I might want to use their upstairs conference space...for free! Great opportunity! Our friend Cy is helping with contacts. Cy organized a Friday noon vigil for Palestine in front of the Israeli Consulate every week...have been doing it for years. Cy knows everybody!

So things are going well!
(I resisted the urge to add on junk that could be going better. That's progress!)

Leftist organizations??? The Methodist Church? ??

2010-02-04T20:49:00.009-05:00

How is it possible? Time slips by so quickly leaving few, if any, accomplishments. I seem to be spinning my wheels; actually I'm stuck ..not moving. Am I in park? I'm not going forward, that's for sure! Meanwhile my brain is racing with reactions and emotions rather than focusing on thoughts, ideas and plans. There's an awful lot of anger swirling around in there as well.

I'm finding the Israel..Palestine..Gaza...Goldstone Report ...Israel..AIPAC...all beginning to drive me crazy. I'm a wild woman! The straw that broke the camel's back was small compared to all that's happening and being said. I was searching the web for information about the letter sent to Obama by 54 members of congress requesting the siege and blockade of Gaza be lessened for humanitarian reasons. The entries on Google upset me..most were hate filled...

Finally I found a "reasonable" site featuring commentary that wasn't too offensive ...until it stated "leftest organizations" also signed the letter. It then listed these lefty groups....including the Methodist Church. The Methodist Church?? A leftest organization? I was so angry I had to write a comment ...an AOL email account was required. I open one; then pounded out my sentiments. Today I checked the site, "leftest organizations" remained in the article though there was no list or mention of the Methodist Church. They'd edited their article! And they printed my comment.

Backing away from the controversy is a must right now. My best chance of having an impact, being productive or effective is by giving presentations and focusing on traveling to Gaza in May. It sounds easy. When you're emotional, passionate and a bit wild..it's not as easy as it sounds. I'll try!!

What happened to our non-violent demonstration???

2010-01-14T20:23:00.021-05:00

I have just finished my daily read of mondoweiss, a blog by Philip Weiss, Adam Horowitz and contributing guests. I was all set to comment on Philip's experience in a peaceful demonstration which with no warning became "pandemonium". He talked about the soldiers; conversations with Palestinians, an English politician and others. There was also a post by Michael Ratner sharing his experience at Yad Vashem, Israel's Holocaust museum.

I was preparing to share my thoughts about their posts.....when I found two comments waiting for my approval or denial...my blog receives few comments, I wish there were comments, suggestions....anyway, these comments are quite lengthy; obviously written by the same person and signed "anonymous." The writer didn't include their name; the comments weren't in direct response to something I'd written. I question approving them. Later about that.

Philip's experience was similar my own at Al-ram in 2004.....the day was beautiful....Israelis, Palestinians and internationals joined in the demonstration...young drummers supplied the beat to unify our spirits, lead us forward....feelings of exhilaration, unity and purpose were in the air...chanting, singing...non-violence at its best!

Israeli soldiers were present..not prepared for non-violence...their jeeps, guns and equipment were ready for action. Guns weren't there "in case they might be needed"...they were front and center; ready for use; not pointing at a target; but with fingers on the triggers.
When you're part of a non-violent demonstration, especially for the first time, the soldiers, their guns and equipment seem almost funny...laughable. Why in the world are they so "prepared"? Prepared for what? We're just a group of people peacefully demonstrating ... we won't cause problems...that's not why we're here.

All of the sudden "pop" a tear gas canister is shot, hits the ground, tear gas fills the air....pop, pop, pop; a haze of tear gas surrounds us; then a horribly loud explosive boom...a sound bomb; meant to deafen you brain as well as your hearing. Next, as we run for cover, come the rubber bullets..not rubber, that's for sure! They are metal inside (very, very hard) coated on the outside with "rubber" They do not bounce or bend as rubber does; yes, they can injure and kill! so much for "rubber bullets" Thankfully, Palestinians pull us to safety in a shopping arcade. Outside the altercation continues; just as we begin to think the action had stopped, it starts again. Added to the IDF actions are tires burning in the street (making it more difficult for the soldiers to see) and stones being thrown by Palestinian youth. I wrote about them in earlier posts) The stop and start action of the soldiers continues for over an hour.

Once we are certain the action had died down permanently we venture out; heading for our bus and the ride to Ramallah.
Pop, pop, pop; deafening booms; ...no rubber bullets this time ...live ammunition is being shot over our heads! Quite frightening! We find cover behind a concrete barrier...I watch 2 soldiers beat an Israeli photographer to the ground...kicking him, hitting him...over and over again... until they were able to get his camera; the camera with the evidence! There's a scuffle in the crowd ...soldiers pull someone out and drag him away. All becomes quiet. The soldiers turn around, walk to their jeeps and ride away.....this time the quiet remains.
Out of nowhere, an ice cream vendor appears. We buy ice cream and walk to our bus.
As Phil Weiss said he didn't see or hear any demonstrator do anything that would turn a peaceful protest into a scene of IDF violence. Always, the IDF says their actions were provoked... usually they are the only ones who see this happen...strange...could they be seeing things that don't exist? It's difficult to understand what Israel expects this type action to accomplish. It certainly has not broken the spirit of the Palestinians.....in fact nothing will break their spirit. Never have I seen such a proud, determined group. They love their land, their families, their people. And they are peaceful!

2010...Challanges

2010-01-02T22:43:00.011-05:00

With the arrival of 2010 I am faced with many challenges...some perennials: my weight; control of the messing up fairies or as we've come to call them "MUFS". The messing up fairies found us in Iowa and followed us east in 1990. They specialize in creating clutter; hiding things; making a mess....they are more of a nuisances than a problem. However they are beginning to hoard junk, pack stuff away...this is becoming more than a nuisance.

Over the past two years a new group has joined the MUFS. From the concentration of mayhem, they've taken up residence in the basement; making forays into the house when we've gone out or are sleeping. They specialize in the placement of heavy duty grime, dirt, dust...they are slow and steady in their work! Upstairs there's no evidence of their existence; then boom.....one day you notice 1/8 inch of sticky dust on the chair rail. Could it appear overnight? Was it there in disguise? How do these new "destructors" decide when it's time to "go public" with their work? I don't think they are fairies; the tasks are heavy duty; requiring more strength than fairies have to offer. They make life a constant chore. They also need an identity!

Enough of challenges on the domestic front! I will not venture into the front, sides or back of my weight challenges..other than to say..I out did myself in 2009; enjoying good food and wine a bit too often. If I'm honest, the problem hasn't been the good food...it's been any food; just stuffing it in and swallowing it down...not really eating...I've been devouring foods I don't even like!

What's a major goal 2010? Returning to Gaza, now targeted for May; this requires raising funds to make it happen. I believe I've talked about this before...I hate fund raising! I have always avoided the task! And now it's a necessity! And I'm the recipient! It just goes against "my being"

I called Pat, she's been a friend for a long, long time, asking for the address of a mutual friend; explaining I'm developing a list of people...people who might help me return to Gaza..."Are you asking for a donation?" Not yet, but I will be.."Oh" She didn't sound over joyed. I asked how long she'd known me."Over forty years" Have I ever asked you to contribute, donate money for anything? "No" Then that should tell you how important this is!

There is no way I'll be able to return to Gaza without asking for money and receiving it. It's been suggested that I'm providing an opportunity for people to invest in a worthy cause. Well, it is...but... How about requesting support; including financial support? When I give presentations I'm asked how much my fee is...."fee"...I have no fee, the important thing is telling the story ... telling it to as many people as possible. That needs to be re-tooled. I would rather talk, receiving no fee; than not talk. I know I need a "suggested donation" for speaking engagements....but it hurts deep inside me. It's borders on violating what I believe my life is all about... my relationship with community ...contributing to community....what I strive towards. Self worth also factors into this; there's no way I'll touch that one!

Suggestions? I need suggestions for making Gaza in May a reality. Someone commented there are no comments on my blog....tell me about it! Please, please, please...if you read this; have a flicker of an idea.... leave your comment/suggestion. You will make my day! Maybe even get me to Gaza.

It's happening in Cairo and I'm missing it!

2009-12-30T19:33:00.010-05:00

The Gaza Freedom March is waiting it out in Cairo....demonstrating,,,,unable to enter Gaza as they'd planned and thought. They'd worked with the Egyptian government for months only to find them saying last week that the Rafa crossing would be closed until mid-January. Shock! ....the French are outraged; camping out in front of their Embassy; which has blocked one of the major roadways in Cairo.

My friend Emma , sent a text this morning from Cairo saying she and others were being detained in the US Embassy...she was OK and would send pictures....which haven't arrived. I do know, as much as one can know under these circumstances, that the Americans are no longer being detained. So she must be out and about.

There are a number of people on hunger strikes until Egypt gives GFM access to the the Rafah crossing and Gaza. One of those is Hedy Epstein, a Holocaust survivor who's 85 years old. Hedy went to the West Bank in 2004 with WCA and was my roommate for much of the trip. She's a very tiny woman, but a giant when it comes to speaking out and standing up for what she believes in.

Sammer also went to Gaza in May; he's somewhere among the 1,400 GFM participants. And I hope he's taking pictures because his are fantastic. It's thanks to him that my slide presentation is so well received....my pictures in Gaza were pitiful!

One of the organizers of the GFM is Felice Gelman who organized the trip our delegation took in May. Felice had everything smoothly worked out for our group...doing so much negotiating and follow up prior to our leaving that we were the very first group passing through the Rafah border crossing on their first try! Felice made that happen!

And then there's Philip Weiss; an investigative reporter, whose blog "mondoweiss" is extremely well read. He traveled with us in May and made the GFM trip to Cairo and hopefully Gaza. He was a definite asset to our delegation...asking great questions...offering background information...reacting openly and emotionally to the trauma of Gaza....and using his wonderful sense of humor at all the right times. He certainly helped to keep me "glued together."

His posts about the happenings have been clear and concise...a blessing really. It's difficult to read so many variations about what's happening...some accounts are easy to spot distortions or very biased toward a particular group or view. Not Philip....he tells it like it is and when he's offering his "view or hopes" he says so.

And I wish I were there!!! It must be an amazing experience; especially for those from the US who are exposed to only the US take on most topics or happenings and quite "un-worldly" They are getting a dose of life in the real world. The US is playing a major role in Palestine/Gaza ....their, our?, role is not a very nice one! They back Israel every step of the way; rarely if ever disagreeing or acknowledging when Israel is wrong....not even saying anything when Israel officials make our President, leaders and country look foolish. Take the settlement issue for a prime example! Yet we provide them 3.5 BILLION dollars in MILITARY aid per year!

Next comes Egypt who also receives enormous amounts of US aid and pressure from Israel and the US...It's not a very pretty picture. Unfortunately, most of us in the US have not a clue what the rest of the world sees, knows, believes and thinks about the situation (any situation for that matter) Those on the GFM are receiving an education; I'm certain of that.

I wish I was in the Cairo classroom with them.

We Gathered for Gaza

2009-12-28T10:47:00.016-05:00

Yesterday we Gathered for Gaza....in Doylestown, PA. The weather was kind to us, just below 50
Though our group was not large, about 30-35 people, we made up for that in diversity, support for Gaza and enthusiasm. We were a diverse group: ethnically, geographically, religiously, age....our common bond was Gaza and Palestine.

There was a lone counter-demonstrator carrying a small sign the said something about if it is good for Israel, it's good.

Much to our delight, numerous people indicated their support of Gaza by beeping horns, giving us a thumbs up sign and telling us to keep up the good work. Actually, I was not merely surprised but amazed by the open support. I know Gaza has supporters, but for the most part, unless they are "among friends" they say little. Here we were in Doylestown, the center of a basically suburban town, in front of the county court house and people were blowing car horns; telling everyone around them they supported Gaza! It was terrific!

Nagi, his wife and their five beautiful daughters came from Allentown. They had special reasons for join in ...they are from Gaza. The two oldest girls have visited Gaza; getting to know grandparents, family and friends....the little ones haven't been able to go because of the siege and blockade.

Their family lives in Southern Gaza near the Israeli border; 800 meters from it. They have farmland they're reluctant to visit because they're shot at from Israeli gunning towers; I'm not sure if the towers are manned or remote controlled. The picture on the right shows a remote control gunning tower (it's a tiny bit right of center). Hidden under the domed top are high powered machine guns...the dome opens like a tulip.... allowing the guns to fire away. Who does the shooting? The latest information from Israel; female soldiers! They sit safely in Israel, watching TV screens; when they observe movement (or even when they don't) they operate the guns by remote control. The women interviewed said they were "excited to be in combat."

After the demonstration many of us went to Saxby's Community Room for coffee, hot chocolate and cookies. Outside, the sun had begun to disappear so the warmth was appreciated. Going to Sazby's had been a late addition to the Gathering's plans....I had called Sunday morning, the room was available and I signed up. Next time I'll know to alert the staff to make extra coffee and be prepared to whip up a dozen hot chocolates.

Being at Saxby's offered time to to become better acquainted....explore cooperative projects and network. Too often there isn't time for that during demonstrations or vigils. Also I had my computer and projector with me and we very informally watched pictures of Gaza, the West Bank and even my Winter Solstice Tree.

I can't close with out commenting as a grandmother; I'm infuriated these children are denied access to their grandparents! It is one thing to live a distance from your grandparents and not visit them....it is quite another to have a siege and blockade deny access! Many children and grandparents are separated because one lives in Gaza and the other in the West Bank.

While visiting Ramalah in the West Bank I struck up a conversation with teenagers. A 15 year old was lamenting the fact that she couldn't visit her grandmother; hadn't seen her in four years. When I inquired why she explained her grandmother lives in another district, I believe it was Bethlehem. Their Palestinian ID cards, issued by Israel, identify their "district".....they aren't allowed to travel into other areas. When she'd been younger she was able to "slip through."She hadn't seen her grandmother in four years...thanks to cell phones they're able to talk to each other.

What would I do under those circumstances? I can't imagine! How could I accept such arbitrary, unfair restrictions? Would I attempt defying the "law"??? I wouldn't want the grandkids taking risks but I certainly could....

The Tree

2009-12-22T19:29:00.012-05:00

It's December 22, 2009. In past years I would have been finishing up my shopping, baking, decorating the house...making things merry and bright.

I have purchased three "gifts" ornaments for the grandchildren to put on their trees....with thoughts of them making it through years of being packed away, unpacked put on the tree and then packed away until the next year.

To say I'm behind in my shopping is ridiculous, I haven't started! I'll try tomorrow.
Flour, butter, sugar, nuts and spices are in the kitchen; waiting to become cookies....I wish them luck!

There is a tree, a Christmas tree? I'm not sure what it should be called. It's an evergreen, with lights, glass balls and ornaments; sounds like a Christmas tree. The only catch is, I no longer consider myself Christian so how can the tree have Christ in its name?

I had been lying on the couch, enjoying the glitter, festivity and magic the tree has brought to our living room. Thinking how the tree is glistening through the window and from the outside, this looks like a Christian house.... Am I fooling people? What do they think? What does my family think? I was wrestling with my non-Christian self and our tree.

As a diversion, I grabbed my laptop to read mondoweiss, a blog by my friend, Philip Weiss.....Ironically, what's Philip agonizing about? "The Tree" Philip is Jewish; his wife is Christian. For many years he resisted her desire for a tree.It sounded as though this wasn't the first tree they've had, but this one was troubling him...what if his Orthodox neighbors see it? what will they think of him?....he's been asked to put lights on it....what if he's seen doing this? the front door is mostly glass....people will see The Tree and him. His wife suggests he put on a costume.

We are having similar dilemmas and all because The Tree is associated with Christ and religion. It origin goes back to pagan times...the shortest day of the year...hope for the return of light.. Like many traditions associated with religious holidays it really has nothing to do with religion.

I've thought of alternative names for my tree....magical tree, tree of magic, holiday tree, tree of memories...finally I think I have it!

It's a winter solstice tree!

Gathering for Gaza Dec. 27

2009-12-17T08:48:00.006-05:00

Gathering for Gaza

Sunday, December 27
3:00-4:00pm
Doylestown, PA
corner of North Main and East Court Streets
Bucks County Court House
(55 East Court Street)

Support Gaza's right to Freedom and Justice

Commemorate the anniversary of the invasion and bombardment
inflicted on Gaza from December 27, 2008-January 17, 2009

Support the Gaza Freedom March

Parking: Court Parking lot North Main Street, directly across from the Court House
Information: seeing.for.myself@gmail.com
Signs: Please keep them positive....support Gaza. call for Freedom and Justice...

This is a PRO-GAZA and PALESTINE event Wave your Palestinian flag!

Meeting with my Congressman

2009-12-06T14:09:00.037-05:00

My apologies for the delay in posting this...

"Your appointment with the Congressman is Tuesday, December 1 at 10:00 AM, if that's convenient." It certainly was!

After months of waiting I was finally going to have my "25 minutes" with my Congressman, Patrick Murphy. The meeting had been in the works since I met with his Outreach Director, Larry Glick in late June. I was beginning to wondering if it would ever happen. Many constituents wanted to meet with the Congressman about the health care bill; it was easy to understand their priority status.

I began preparing; quickly, the preparation became obsession. Hours and hours of facts, questions, searching for just the right "thing"...the "thing" that would become an "ah, ha" moment for the Congressman; enlighten him; he would put 2 and 2 together; it would equal freedom and justice for Gaza. Needless to say, I became exhausted...I'd done it to myself....not a smart thing to do. It had its impact on December 1. How? My mind wasn't as sharp; I struggled to be articulate; it was difficult to remain focused; I wasn't as confident; even my appearance suffered.

I thought the meeting went somewhere between OK and good...no cause for champagne; maybe a nice lunch, a glass of wine and a chocolate dessert. Naturally, I had wanted fantastic!

I'd prepared mini-slide shows supporting my areas of focus...they were short, maybe a minute long. They were very effective. Especially since the two of us were the only ones there. An aid joined us at the very end if the meeting. How it would work with more than four people I'm not so sure.

The Congressman is fairly quiet but intense; genuinely interested...his reactions were quite personal which I thought was interesting. He maintains eye contact; no looking over your head, which is refreshing. He certainly isn't the wheeling-dealing, arrogant, BSing Congressman many of his colleges are. I liked him!

He placed two chairs to the end of a large table...I realize as I'm writing this, the chairs were facing each other a bit, rather then side by side. He's very personable! When I set up my laptop, I believe he was a bit concerned, he commented about our time limit.

His reaction to my short, 1 min 1o second, "View of Gaza" was typical: he was enjoying "beautiful Gaza" and visibly taken back by the destruction.

He got the message about the food shortages, obviously wasn't aware how bad the situation is. Questioned the remote control gunning tower..."were is the person who does the shooting, Israel?" Showing pictures of the tower as I explained it made a much stronger impact then just explaining. Same with the rubble in the fields, people living in tents next to the remains of their home. The food shortages related to imports and Israel's 40 items I'm certain was a surprise and one he didn't approve of. I think he has a better understanding of the food shortages, and to a lesser extent the water shortages....that they are deliberately created and to a much greater extent than is "known."
I commented that his desk probably had more than 40 different items on it.

"The Children of Gaza" began with pictures of the bombardment and invasion drawn by children in art therapy at the Qatan Center for the Child.....he just kept shaking his head. He understands and has experienced war; the resulting trauma in children. When I mentioned the vacant look in their eyes, he commented...yes, I know the look.

I had a "mini" about white phosphorous and Farah, a three year old who's badly burned. He was shaken by what he saw...I mentioned Israel's claim not to have used it...yes, it was white phosphorous. Naturally he was bothered by Farah's burns; but was bordering on anger about the difficulty she and others have trying to receive proper medical treatment...the whole tangled business of medical documentation and exit visas. When i told him the World Health Organization estimates that Israel grants only 15% of those with documented medical needs exit visas for care, he softly said...I didn't know.
(Farah is now in California receiving the treatment she needs)

Restriction of movement repeatedly came up as we spoke about other topics. I honestly do not think he was aware of how restricted/imprisoned the people in Gaza are; I wasn't until I went there! The people in Gaza may not leave Gaza!! Special permission may be granted but that is a rare occurrence. I talked about the students we met; graduates of Universities in Gaza who had been awarded scholarships for graduate schools all over the world. They lost the scholarships because they were not permitted to leave or had restrictions and requirements that were deliberately impossible to meet. Gaza has many colleges but no graduate schools, no medical school. How will these professionals be replaced? They won't be! Which can be nothing but another planned hardship fpr the people of Gaza.

Vehicles also contribute to the restriction of movement. Damage and destruction have caused shortages of equipment and transportation. With no ability to import new vehicles or replacement parts Gaza is suffering terribly. They need trucks, tractors, heavy equipment, cars. If you are fortunate enough to have a car, there's limited availability of gas. Horse and donkey carts are the "new" mode of travel.

We touched on the tunnels. He didn't say they were a necessary solution to a huge problem, but he didn't show signs of disagreement when I did. I apologized for the lack of a "mini" about the tunnels...explaining they're out in the open on tunnel roads...it's estimated there may be a thousand of them...but he believed me without seeing proof. There was no comment when I ended saying they are necessary; a life line for the 1,500,000 people in Gaza.

We ended the meeting on good terms..not great, but I'll take good! When I suggested meeting with a group, he and his aid responded...no, no, no, appointments are difficult to schedule...too many of them...It could be, the aid had come to rescue him from me.

Congressman Murphy said, "Remain in contact with Larry Glick. He keeps me up to date." I liked that! Took it as a positive sign.

I had a print made of one of the children's drawing's of the bombardment and invasionand put it in a frame. I said I wasn't going to be presumptuous and tell him how to vote. I did however want to give him the picture; a reminder of our conversations; most importantly as a reminder of the children of Gaza; what they need and deserve! I said "You probably can't hang this on your wall or put it on your desk, I understand that. I do ask you put it in a desk drawer in your Washington office. When discussions, debates and votes are happening; Please, take it out, look at it and think about Gaza's children.

Having written about the meeting, I realize it was more productive than I'd realized. I do hope the issues I raised, facts I shared and my passion for Gaza had an impact. Remaining in contact is vital! I've already sent Larry Glick two items of interest. I will continue for as long as it takes!

Shabbat dinner & meeting Anna Baltzer

2009-11-15T11:30:00.006-05:00

Friday night my husband and I were invited to a Shabbat dinner, a first for both of us. Our hostess Sandy Green refers to herself as a Jewish Quaker. She and Ken serve together on the Middle-East Working Group of the Philadelphia Yearly Meeting. Sandy prepared numerous delicious dishes for us to savor and enjoy. Being a Jewish Quaker with a small apartment she hosted Shabbat at Haverford Friends Meeting.

I've always thought Judaism's inclusion of the home as a designated place for worship with specific ceremonies and traditions as being very, very special...truth be told, I've envied this practice. Being raise raised an Episcopalian we said grace before dinner and had festive meals on religious holidays but worship took place in church. At some point, when I was a teen, an Advent wreath appeared on our dining room table with candles being lit on the four Sundays before Christmas...I never figured out where the tradition originated or why.

Adding to the excitement of this Friday evening was special guest, Anna Baltzer, an advocate for Palestinian rights. She's young, American, Jewish, articulate, energetic, very bright, quick, open, honest, intuitive, personable, a facilitator, a listener, delightful and on top of all that, she's beautiful. If you missed her recent appearance on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart you can view it on her website www.annainthemiddleeast.com.

Anna's impressive! She was as interested in us as we were of her....unusual for someone so well know.
The table was filled with delicious foods....all prepared by Sandy. As we settled down; Anna asked that we take turns saying a bit about ourselves and our connection with Palestine. I'm writing this in January...it's difficult to remember what each person contributed, however we "each brought something different to the table."
I was the only person who'd been to Gaza....I relayed my story of being snatched off the streets of New York and taken to the West Bank in 2004. Of the amazing experience with the Women of a Certain Age...how we've remained more than just "in touch" we continue to be friends, a group!
As I began relaying my experience in Gaza, I found myself being overcome with emotion ...trying to describe the devastation, the rubble, destroyed buildings, flattened houses is not an easy task; basically no matter what you say, what picture you paint...it's hundreds of times worse. The dust alone is difficult to imagine; gray concrete dust, always in the air. I began talking about the children, the people, amazing people being suffering; they just want to live...that's what we heard over and over again. I felt tears slowly trickling their way down my cheeks. It's almost impossible to describe Gaza without tears!
Anna explained the workshops she's designed. I share her belief; talking about Gaza when you return is as important as the experience itself. She has developed a plan for presenting your experience before the public. Everyone should tell their own story. Often we don't believe our experience is as important or meaningful as someone else's; that isn't the case.
As she pointed out, thousands of people go to Palestine every year ...... if they all spoke about their experience; their Palestine....many more people would become familiar with the view of Palestine and I add a view not through the eyes of Israel.

Should Grandmothers throw stones?

2009-10-31T21:07:00.016-04:00

How the underline appeared and why I can't delete it is a mystery. My apologies!

While visiting the West Bank in 2004 our group, Women of a Certain Age, participated in a non-violent protest against The Wall. It was a beautiful day, blue sky, music courtesy of scout bands,filled the air, hundreds of people: Israeli, Palestinian, Internationals....everyone was filled with energy, excitement and a commitment to peace.

Soldiers were watching from the top of a nearby hill...so what! We weren't threatening or causing trouble....we were peacefully walking. Suddenly tear-gas filled the air (from canisters marked made in the USA) sound bombs replaced the music, rubber bullets whizzed by....we ran for cover. Palestinian shopkeepers motioned us into the safety of an arcade. The soldiers continued with tear gas, sound bombs, rubber bullets....there would be a lull and then it would start anew. This went on for what seemed like hours.

Outside, Palestinian boys...young men.... began burning tires, making it more difficult for the soldiers to see. And the boys had stones, lots of stones....they began throwing them with all their might towards the Israeli soldiers, who were much to far away for a stone to reach...However they must have known bullets from the soldiers' guns could easily have reached them.

My reaction to the stone throwing shocked me....For a few seconds I wanted to stop them...then I realized I admired those boys; their bravery, their spirit, their defiance, their actions saying they would not give up. And much to my surprise, I wanted to join them, I wanted to throw stones....throw them as hard as I could toward those soldiers...but I didn't. My actions would have been an insult to those young men, which I certainly didn't want. Plus, I was participating in non-violent directing action, a practice I believe in and do my best to maintain. Isn't stone throwing considered "violent action"?

Throwing stones at Israeli soldiers, their tanks, jeeps, personnel carriers...is tempting the fates. The soldiers too often shoot to kill. As a mother and grandmother this causes me fear! I wouldn't want my son or grandsons to take that risk and I'm know I would try to stop them; lock them in their room, block the doorway, beg, plead!

However: If grandmothers could throw stones without causing insult; if they were able to trade places with young Palestinian men throwing stones.....I wonder what I would do.

The tank and the stone

2009-10-31T18:49:00.018-04:00

Today I'm trying a new approach. Select a photo or photos that spark a particular thought, idea, subject or memory; then write about it. Keeping posts shorter and staying on topic are important. Sharing the Gaza I saw and experienced is my goal. I realize I'm also sharing much about myself, something I hadn't set out to do....it's just evolved. I'm told that happens and is good for blogs.
Let's begin with Palestinian weapons. In my ignorance the first weapons I associated with the Israel/Palestine conflict were the stones; it seems crazy to me now. Media accounts consistently referred to Palestinian boys throwing stones at tanks, jeeps, etc. The weapons, I mean stones, were causing Israeli soldiers. acting in self defense, to shoot the boys. Next the Israelis would need to destroy the boys' homes and then, for the sake of security, they were forced to destroy the entire village. The problem was the Palestinian boys and their stones! I couldn't understand why the boys' mothers or grandmothers didn't make them stop. After all, the stones were forcing the soldiers into military action. If the stone throwing stopped....no more military actions.

One day I saw a picture of a stone bouncing off a tank...the tank was shooting at a group of boys throwing stones. I finally thought about the actual damage a stone could do to a tank? Probably none; not even a "ping." And what about a jeep or armored truck? Why hadn't I realized that before? Why did soldiers respond so quickly and violently? Excessive force? An excuse to shoot? Because they wanted to? Because they could? There was no need to blast away and kill people because stones were thrown at a tank! The Israeli soldiers certainly weren't acting in self defense!!

It was a wake up call for me...finally! I began to see imbalance.....the imbalance of power: the power of Israel's weapons; the power of Israel's image as victim, causing a reluctance to criticize; the power Israel enjoys in the media....the power of ignorance, sloppy thinking, accepting what is told with out question. I felt so horribly stupid and embarrassed.

More about stones in the next post.

Change

2009-10-27T20:38:00.005-04:00

Change is rarely easy!

How do the people of Gaza live with the constant changes being forced upon them? The trauma of bombardment and invasion fresh in their lives and always a possibility for tomorrow, the day after or in the future. People forced into temporary housing they remain in tents or crowded accommodations with friends or family; a temporary change that has no end in sight. They've lost jobs, houses, relatives, friends. I don't know how they adjust to the loss, the changes in so many areas of their day to day life.

When change involves the loss of someone you love it is often unbearable. The death of my brother is almost impossible for me to accept. I do not want to hear that he is gone. It's impacting every area of my life...and in such a sad, sad way.

As I'm reading over this, I am reminded of many people in Gaza who have lost all their possessions I remember seeing the unrecognizable remains of orchards....orchards handed down in the family from generation to generation; the family's source of income; ripped from the earth and bulldozed beyond recognition. They were family heirlooms!

We take things/possessions for granted here in the US. My brother John was fortunate, he was able to inventory his family possessions; specifying gifts for his nieces, nephews, great-nieces and great-nephews and one great-great niece. We appreciate his gifts....forgetting how privileged we are he had them to give to us.

Next week my daughter and I are driving to his home on Lookout Mountain, Tennessee. We'll take possession of the family heirlooms and treasures left to my children and grand-children and me. Ironically, the oak dining room table I mentioned in my last post, was left to my daughter. Also, it needs a good waxing. I'll pass the secrets of waxing on to my grandchildren. Traditions!

Change: The November dates for Gaza presentations have been canceled; leaving me up in the air about whether to re-schedule them for December...a very busy month for most people. My plans for contacting schools and churches about scheduling presentation have come to a halt. I had hoped to send those emails and mailings off two weeks ago....they too wait for action.

Change: Sadly, my return to Gaza is being re-scheduled from January to May. I have health and medication issues....they must be stabilized before traveling to Gaza. Saying this is a major disappointment, is an understatement!.

Change: I no longer have my brother; my family treasure!

Loss

2009-10-14T22:32:00.004-04:00

It is difficult to write this post, maybe not even appropriate, but I need to write; share my grief. My older brother John died; we believe he died Saturday evening or Sunday morning. He missed a church event Sunday; Monday he was getting together with our nephew, he never arrived. Tuesday morning my nephew and a neighbor went to his house; finding him dead on the floor. We believe he had a heart attack. I hope he died instantly! The thought of him suffering and having no one there to help him is awful.(10-22 having returned from John's funeral I have more accurate details of his death. He was found by a neighbor and friend; he was in bed, in his normal sleeping position, hugging his pillow; he must have died instantly, there were no signs of distress. I am thankful all signs indicate he died without trauma or suffering. I continue to suffer the loss.)

He was a special, special person. A true southern gentleman; gracious; hospitable; always paying respect and being proper; attending all family (many generations) weddings and funerals; he had exquisite taste, giving unique and lovely gifts...at Christmas everyone, adults children and in between, looking forward to opening Uncle John"s gift. John was an extraordinary cook, entertaining perfectly.

He was a recovering alcoholic...When he stopped drinking, about 30 years ago, he left his practice of law (which I believe he never loved) and began counseling; moving on to supervisory roles. He was never married or with a significant other or partner...very quiet about his personal life. He loved genealogy tracing our family to about 1400...it was his passion.

When my parents reached the point they could no longer live on their own they moved to Tennessee near John. He said it was like expecting twins, only the twins were 89 and 90. My father died shortly after moving there; my mother lived another 10 years. John and Mama became wonderful friends....he cared for her, keeping her happy and going strong. When she died, just short of 100 years of age, he said he'd lost his best friend.

And I have lost the brother I've loved for as long as I can remember. He wasn't my best friend...I actually don't have a best friend. His passing leaves an enormous void in my life...in my soul! Memories: we waxed the dining room table together..testing it for being shiny enough involved sliding the polishing cloth across the table with out it slowing down. Don't know why that's such a fond memory.

He wrote beautifully. He was in the army between college and law school; I was in high school. When he was stationed in Europe, letters home were amazingly descriptive; what he wrote about came to life for me. Once he described gargoyles on a castle, I was certain I saw them when I closed my eyes.

And I feel my heart is breaking. When my younger brother called telling me John died, I kept saying "I don't want to hear this. Stop, don't tell me!" Sobbing and sobbing...talking in a whisper or almost screaming. I continue to cry; feeling empty and devastated. Tomorrow morning I leave for Tennessee and his funeral. I feel so empty and sad.

I think of the Palestinians, especially those in Gaza...loosing family and friends in such violent ways. The constant fear they experience for themselves and their loved ones. During the bombardment and invasion, it must have been horrible....death happening all around you. And they live with loss and fear day in and day out! The my brother's death causes me to think deeply about loss. How are the people of Gaza able to continue....they've lost so very much; homes, jobs, loved ones, possessions...and they have the loss of their freedom! I admire their spirit and determination greatly!

I admire my brother. I love my brother. I don't want to hear that he is gone. My heart is breaking; I am filled with a painful emptiness. Loss is terrible, beyond words!

If you've stayed with me through my emotional rambling....thank you. I appreciate your reading this. I needed to write....whether or not anyone read my words of sorrow. Thank you!

Some thoughts

2009-09-26T16:37:00.007-04:00

It's been weeks since my last post, which surprises me. I've been writing and writing....but not posting any thing on the blog. Perhaps I need to rethink my writing habits.

A friend has asked numerous times I share my posts on his blog, especially ones written about report backs. His blog is very well read. Nice offer, but I'm not that comfortable with my style and content. People contributing to his blog know what they're doing; unlike me...I'm just doing!

My plans of returning to Gaza seem to be spinning wheels...I am waiting for information from people in Gaza who've offered their help....they know about traveling, entering and staying in Gaza. I know so very, very little. Frustrating! Since I'm "going this alone" it's a bit tricky; especially when it comes to entering Gaza. Arrangements for flying to Cairo and accommodations there are OK; the remainder of my plans...other than volunteering at Qattan...are pretty much up in the air.

And raising the necessary funds to make this trip a reality are going much more slowly than they should. The fact that I hate asking for money probably has something to do with my procrastinating. Technology hasn't helped. I've created a short presentation intended for a DVD. My PhotoShop Elements 6 led me to believe it was capable of adding audio narrative...not so I'm afraid. My plan was sending this in a packet to prospective sponsors. The written narrative won't be as effective, but I should probably just accept it. Stop waiting for miracles!

Guess what I need to do is just DO SOMETHING and quit trying to do the perfect thing.

What do I truly want? to return to Gaza mid-January and volunteer at Qattan...staying four to six weeks! I believe I need to do this.

Yesterday someone asked what I thought "the trip/my goimg" would accomplish.... Though question! I want to know I've done something to to let at least some of the people in Gaza know I stand with them. I believe they deserve respect...support...I can not solve the Israel/Palestine situation...I can, as they say, "stand up and be counted."

Also. I go because if one child in Gaza finds, knows and remembers someone from the "outside world," a woman from the US, spent time with them, respected them ,was kind, fun, and maybe was even exciting to be with, then I will have accomplished something! That "something" will make a difference...a difference to me, if no one else. I want to leave this world having tried to make it a better place. That's not an easy task!

Ireland and a Report Back

2009-09-11T21:41:00.019-04:00

We arrived in Dublin the evening of the 17. One look told me what I suspected; we should have planned days in the city. Talking the long version of bus trips and having a Guinness hardly count as having been to Dublin; once again I've neglected a wonderful city; not doing it justice!

Traveling by train from Dublin to Galway took us through the Irish countryside with hundreds of cows, sheep, stone walls enclosing beautiful plots of green pasture; houses nestled together forming small villages; rolling hills; beautiful sites! The only downside to this travel was changing trains..lugging suitcases up and down stairs; the scenery more than made up for the struggle with luggage.

My husband's known our hosts, Ted and Vi, since grad school days; attending their wedding; their daughter became the first baby he ever held; Ken and Ted earned doctorates in mathematics; became professors. They share a long history

When we "booked" our stay with them, I wondered out loud about the possibility of giving my Gaza report back in Galway. Vi's ingenuity and follow up put me in touch with Geraldine, an activist for Palestinian rights. Geraldine took charged and arranged for me to speak on August 20.

We arrived at Galway's train station and Ted was there to greets us; we loaded up his car with luggage and were on our way. Leaving the station I noticed a yellow poster on a lamp post...all I could read was "Gaza". This struck me as a good sign people in Galway had concern for Gaza. I didn't know what the poster said and hoped I'd see another one. When Ted's car stopped at a red light, I saw another yellow poster and began to read....United Nations, UNRWA delegate, Susan Johnson. The posters advertised my report back....200 posters...put up all over Galway! I was shocked! The reference to the United Nations seemed a bit much, a stretch; what we had was an UNRAWA letter of invitation. The posters were exciting.

Wednesday, Geraldine met us for lunch to reviewed plans for the report back. She told me Derek and Jenny Graham of the Free Gaza Movement would also be there Thursday night. This was exciting news. I hoped there would be time to talk with them. Geraldine kindly took us on a walking tour of Galway. We ended it at an Irish pub; enjoying a beer.

Speaking in a country I wasn't familiar with caused apprehensions. I knew the photos in my presentation were excellent and reminded myself, my Gaza story; what I saw, heard and experienced, had always met with a favorable response.

The room we used was very long and thin; not an easy room for a presentation. The borrowed projector was difficult to set up and focus; it took longer than I'd expected. When we were ready to begin the room was almost full, possibly fifty people. People continued to arrive and it became a standing room only crowd.

I began with a more detailed introduction than usual; including additional background information and a bit more about myself. I wanted to make sure the audience was as comfortable as possible with this American woman about to tell them the details of her trip to Gaza

I explained what we had to for entrance into Gaza. Egypt required we visit the US Embassy in Cairo to sign away our counselor rights. Adding insult to injury, the US charged each of us $30 for the privilege of signing: saying we knew our government wouldn't help us if we need them. The Irish audience couldn't believe it! Ireland doesn't treat her citizens that way! In fact many people said the Irish government was very helpful and supportive when they traveled to Gaza. I'm certain Israel's desire to keep internationals, especially Americans, out of Gaza led to the requirement. Egypt and the US generally respond positively to Israel's pressure.

Photos showing what remains of the American International School prompted a question as to why Israel would bomb a friendly site and a school, at that. Basicly, the IDF bombs what they want to bomb...even their friends.
As for schools, many in Gaza were bombed, as well as hospitals and other public service buildings.

The sight of sprinklers
watering the school's grounds, brought laughter. Who else would have sprinklers going on the lawn of a destroyed building? And during the drought season!

At the end of the program, I was rather abruptly questioned about how I was chosen to be a UN delegate (she must have seen the poster and also missed my introduction). Again I explained I wasn't chosen, I voluntarily joined the delegation. We traveled to Gaza at the invitation of UNRAWA. What followed was a rather angry statement that the Irish were actively supporting Gaza and well informed about Israel/Palestine; I should really go back to the US and speak to Americans because they have limited knowledge of Palestine. I answered that I was in Ireland on vacation and grateful to have the opportunity to speak and had spoken often in the US. She then told about her extensive experience on behalf of Palestinians; trips to the West Bank and Gaza and the many ways she was involved. I was extremely impressed by her dedication and active participation in support of Palestinians. I wanted to talk to with her; find out more about her and what she was doing. Unfortunately, she left before I had the chance.

Reporting Back Informally with my brother-in-law

2009-08-31T18:35:00.014-04:00

Monday; August 10 my husband and I flew off to the UK...on separate planes (which I won't go into) We were attending his niece's wedding Aug 14 near Leeds, then traveling to Ireland August 17 for a week's stay in Galway with friends....Thursday, August 20, I was giving a report back in Galway.

On the flight over, I tried talking about Gaza with my seatmate, but to no avail. She was returning to Manchester after 4 weeks with her "mate" in Utah. Putting on lip gloss was almost an obsession; as was looking out the window, then asking me where we were. She tuned out most conversations, including Gaza and I never discovered if her "mate" was male or female.

Time in the UK was spent with family, their friends and some of our friends; presenting many opportunities for informal/mini report backs. Naturally, conversations and activities centered around the wedding, bride and groom.

Tuesday evening my brother-in-law proved to be a fairly receptive audience, so I brought out my laptop with the slide presentation. He was surprised by the extent of the destruction as are 99% of the people who view the pictures. Those who aren't shocked have usually been to Gaza. We talked about the Qattan Center and the children in Gaza. He shook his head while looking at the pictures painted by children in Qattan's art therapy program. As a retired pediatric oncologist and former head of a hospital, he knows about childhood trauma. He confirmed what the NGOs told us about the devastating effects of the bombing, invasion and siege on Gaza's children.

I shared my uncomfortable feelings about invading the privacy of many of the Gazans we met. Even though they freely shared their stories, I believe most spoke out of desperation. They hoped some how we would hear their stories, return to the US, tell others what we'd heard and seen; and then with our "magical powers" all would be right and fair and free in Gaza. The responsibility of that weighs heavy on me. Cliff relayed some of his experiences in India; of going through hospitals, having people beg him to help them.....the reality of how much was expected and hoped for and how little he could actually do.

Not only was this an informal/mini report back....it was a much needed conversation and sharing for me. Most people can't begin to understand my feelings about Gaza and the responsibility those feelings entail. Even when they try they can't understand. Those who've been to Gaza or other traumatic places are all too familiar with the feelings and emotions. Cliff immediately understood what I was experiencing. I appreciate our talking, sharing and finding we have a common bond.

Years ago we went with Cliff and Sylvia (his wife, my husband's sister) to an Indian restaurant in either Leeds of Bradford. While we were eating an Indian gentleman came over to Cliff...bowing, holding onto Cliff's hand after he'd shaken it, bowing again, fighting back tears, expressing thanks, appreciation, over and over and over again. Emotion choking his speech, he told us how Cliff saved his son's life. Cliff was gracious and appreciative, but clearly uncomfortable. When the man left none of us knew what to say. I remember thinking what an enormous responsibility rested on my brother-in-laws shoulders; so many people placing all their hope and their childrens' lives in his hands.

I'm feeling lucky

2009-08-03T22:58:00.022-04:00

I'm feeling lucky, even when things happen that could spell disaster....!
Report backs present numerous challenges, at times that's an understatement. Last week's presentations were no exception. The Community Room at Saxby's was reserved for Wednesday, July 29 at 1:00 and again for 7:00. Sunday August 2, I was scheduled to speak in the morning at the Bucks-Mont Unitarian Universalists Fellowship.
My brother and I met for an early lunch on Wednesday. We began getting together for lunch once a month shortly after our mother died two years ago. We've become friends, which is nice. We're only two years apart in age but were never friends. I'm enjoying him and look forward to our time together.
Mid way through lunch my cell phone rings....I debate answering but decide I should. It's Mary calling to say she'd called Saxby's checking about the availability of parking and they have no listing of my report backs on the schedule for today. OK! A call to Saxby' confirms....I'm no where to be found and someone has the room reserved between 6 and 8. They can "give" me 1:00 but not 7:00. Maybe the person at 6:00 will finish early? Maybe I can use the cafe area? Sorry, there's nothing they can do! I call Mary and say the show goes on, we just aren't sure where.
My brother wonders if I want to go over to Saxby"s. No! There's not much I can do about the situation so I'll just eat my lunch. We notice people arriving that have obviously been in the rain...it's pouring. Great, I have no umbrella. When we're ready to leave it's only sprinkling, so I'm feeling lucky.
I move chairs and tables in the Community Room, Bonnie arrives. She offers to help me with the set up. I plug in the projector and my laptop, we're ready to go. We chat and wait, wait some more and I realize Bonnie is my audience. She offers to come back in the evening but I refuse her offer. I could use the practice, it's no big deal And the show goes on. The best part about this? I really do not mind. I have Bonnie and that's fine with me. She likes the presentation. I'm feeling lucky!
Emma and I are presenting as a duo for the first time tonight. We hope to do this more often. She arrives at my house, I explain the mix-up and we head out for Saxby's. The man reserving the Community Room from 6-8 , believe it or not, is giving people mini-massages. I think he's selling some type equipment. It's really funny and he's not going anywhere before 8:00. The cafe is where we'll have to be. There are about eight people there for the report back and lots of people drinking coffee and using the Internet...little do they know, but they're about to learn about Gaza.
We move tables and chairs, take the pictures off the wall, adjust the projector and we're all set. Emma and I move through the presentation fairly smoothly. We complement each other; it's interesting having someone add a different perspective and style, plus, she's young! We notice customers are "attending" our presentation, our audience has expanded! There are questions and comments, we pass out my new list of resources and people begin leaving. One of the customers asks for a copy of the resource list. She tells me how much she learned, she'll be taking a course about the Middle East, now she knows about Gaza. She thanks me. I'm feeling lucky!
Sunday morning I'm off to the UUs. I've made major changes in the presentation because their schedule allows me about 20 minutes; I'm used to having up to an hour. It was extremely difficult deciding which pictures to remove, what information has to remain, how things would fit together....lots of choices and decisions.
The UU Fellowship is a nice place! The grounds are filled with flowers and plants flowing freely from one area to the next...a bit wild but under control.... beautiful and natural. The parking areas are lost among the flowers and shrubs. The building is pleasant but not very impressive. Inside, the the entry and reception room are large, serviceable and plain. Walk into the worship area....it's just wonderful space, simple, a large circular window in the front with 3 sculpted quilt panels around the bottom and part way up the sides of the circle. There are lots of windows on each side. Peaceful but very much alive! It's so comfortable for me being in this space feeling so peaceful and alive, it's energizing in a very special way, difficult to describe. I'm ready to share my story of Gaza, the things I saw, heard and experienced for myself. I'm feeling lucky!
The service begins. There are songs being sung....I'm so thankful they're not hymns...they're down to earth songs about peace, cooperation, respect, taking action, no more war. I raise my voice in song...being a part of this feels good. There are readings from Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr. Whether it was intentional or not I'm not sure, but everything speaks to the situation in Gaza.
Tom Thomas introduces me, he's taken the bio information from my blog, so I've written my own introduction. As I stand up and turn to face the fellowship, I find the room is full, really full, maybe 75 people, which is so exciting. I begin my Gaza story explaining about our delegation, the letter of invitation from UNRWA, our experience crossing into Gaza, point out locations on the map of Gaza. Then I begin with pictures of pretty Gaza on the beautiful Mediterranean. I could actually feel the audience relaxing, settling in, ready to enjoy the pictures. Then wham-o the destruction pictures begin. People are rapidly straightening up in their chairs, I hear sounds of shock and surprise and feel their tension. Judging from facial expressions, body language and the sounds I'm hearing, they're responding exactly as I'd hoped.
They are totally shocked by the destruction and how extensive it is. Many people tell me this after the presentation. The children's art therapy pictures from Qattan receive responses of sadness, wonder and concern. News of the plight of farmers and fishermen and the remote control gunning towers, bring looks of shock. The use of phosphorous bombs and Farah, a little 3 year old who's lost her mother to burns and is badly burned herself, causes strong reactions, including tears, a few people begin centering themselves for meditation.
Through out my story I've included pictures of hope, most involving children; hearts in the windows of a house drawn by one of the children at Qattan....even though there are bombs and missiles being shot from a helicopter; beautiful yellow flowers growing through cracks in the rubble; a young boy flying the kite he made (he'd even offered me a turn flying it); a home, totally destroyed, except for the grape arbor which is green and lush...there are even grapes growing; a tiny watermelon growing on a beautiful vine. There must be hope! These children deserve having a bright future and the opportunity to flourish and grow up in peace!
A lovely reception follows the service. I receive words of thanks, appreciation. I'm feeling lucky.i
It's mentioned my presentation isn't balanced. wouldn't it be better to include "the other side?" I explain the presentation's about what I saw, heard and experienced for myself in Gaza. I feel no need to "balance!" The main stream media; TV, newspapers, radio present "the other side" daily and with bias. Rarely is the Palestinian side presented, let alone positively. I receive a fairly positive shake of the head and an "I see."
Why doesn't Hamas just stop shooting those rockets? Hamas are all terrorists. If they stopped the rockets, Israel would leave them alone. I respond that I do not condone shooting rockets but point out when a country is invaded they have the right to defend themselves. A small percentage of Hamas members shoot rockets. They're far to the right...most political parties or groups have an extremes, Hamas is no different. I site the bombing of Oklahoma City, shooting doctors and staff from abortion clinics, etc. And, it's my belief that Israel deliberately provokes the shooting of rockets and then "responds with force" that's way out of proportion with the rockets.
Wasn't I afraid? No I wasn't!
Why is Israel doing this? What do they want? I wish I knew! I believe they want the Palestinians to disappear, which isn't going to happen. I'm beginning to think they are sick; caught up in violence and hatred that has spiraled out of control. But I wish I knew.
I receive praise, appreciation, thanks....wonderful support; all of that is needed by the presenter. Unfortunately, I often take criticism personally and self doubt takes over. I'm getting better with that but it still happens. Basically I'm insecure.
I'm told how brave and courageous I am, which isn't true and I wasn't afraid so there's no bravery of courage involved. I have interest, a desire to be involved, compassion, passion. Gaza has almost consumed me but I'm gaining balance. I'm comfortable telling my story hopeful people are listening and thinking.
I am lucky!

Report Backs in Doylestown

2009-07-25T14:44:00.016-04:00

Report Back on trip to GAZA
Speakers: Susan Johnson & Emma Grigore

When: Wednesday, July 29
Time: 1:00 PM and again @ 7:00 PM
Place: Saxby's Coffee Shop, Community Room
22 North Main Street
Doylestown, PA

As a members of an ad hoc delegation from PA, NY and NY and a letter of invitation from the United Nations Relief and Works Agency, Ms Johnson and Ms Grigore traveled to Gaza in May 2009. The delegation was requested to focus on the children of Gaza; with emphasis on impacts the children experience as result of the December 2008-January 2009 invasion and bombardment by Israeli forces and the siege placed against Gaza in 2005 and strengthened in 2007.

Through photos and first hand accounts, the presentation documents conditions in Gaza. Destruction is devastating and wide spread; thousands of people remain homeless, the majority being children. The siege against Gaza has created shortages of goods (food, clothing, medicines) needed on a daily basis. The inability to import construction materials has made re-building impossible. Palestinians are not allowed to leave or enter Gaza.

Susan Johnson has been a resident of Doylestown PA for 18 years. In 2004 she traveled to the West Bank with Women of a Certain Age; which proved to be a life changing experience. Since that time she has become an active advocate for Palestinian rights.

Emma Grigore lives in Elkins Park PA having previously lived in Warminster, PA. She graduated from Moravian College and is currently active with the Women's International League for Peace and Freedom, the Peace Alliance and Students for a Democratic Society.

For additional information: 215-262-0042

Thursday: Gaza & Coffee Shop Questions

2009-07-18T17:20:00.005-04:00

And the questions were:
Why did you worry about getting into Gaza? Rafah, the border crossing between Egypt and Gaza, is basically closed. Egypt allows few people to enter Gaza from Egypt and allows few people to enter Egypt from Gaza. How the decision is made, determining I may cross and you can't is pretty much a mystery. Passports and visas are basic.....I'm not certain what "having your papers in order" includes. Ours were, though we had been warned they weren't.
Do they let groups enter? Our group was the first group allowed into Gaza on their first try. A Canadian group went in with us, having tried four times before. Egypt has the final say and it's arbitrary. Some humanitarian groups are forced to return home without going to Gaza.
Isn't Gaza dangerous? Not the Gaza we visited. It's a civilized place, crowded but pleasant. Women rarely travel alone, especially after dark, but that's cultural. I never witnessed any harassment, altercations or the type problems you expect to encounter in a city or heavily populated area. And Gaza's million and a half people are squashed into 145 square miles.
What about Hamas? The Hamas government was elected by the people in a democratic election. Governing Gaza is a daunting task; a million and a half people are confined to a tiny space, living under siege and suffering near total destruction of their infrastructure. There are extremes within Hamas, as there are in most groups. Some shoot rockets, but they're a small minority.
Why did Israel bomb so many homes? Good question! I wish I knew. All types of homes were destroyed by bombs, missiles, phosphorus bombs, land mines, bulldozers. Many times, as in the farming areas, whole sections of homes were obliterated; houses, barns, orchards, animals,
fields. The excuse or explanation Israel generally offers is terrorists were in the homes. When you look at the destruction; talk to the people who lived there; put two and two together it doesn't add up to resident-terrorists. It adds up to planned destruction of homes and civilians. Why Israel does this, I do not understand.
I don't understand, why can't Gazans leave Gaza? In 2005, after removing the settlements from Gaza, Israel declared a siege on Gaza. The borders were sealed, people and goods were not allowed to cross between Gaza and Israel, Egypt or the Mediterranean Sea. At this time the World Health Organization says only 15% of patients requiring medical treatment outside of Gaza are allowed to cross the border to receive the needed care. Students receiving scholarships to study abroad are not allowed to cross the border and loose the scholarships. Gazans may not travel for business, to visit relatives and friends. They are in a prison without
razor wire or bars on windows. It is the worst prison on earth, confining children, young people, men and women whose "crime" is ????? They are innocent. The crime is being committed by the "jailer."
What about food, clothing, all the things you need, can they cross the border into Gaza? NO! The only goods that may be imported into Gaza are decided by Israel. There is a list of 40 items that may cross the border into Gaza. The list isn't published, it changes without notice and makes day to day life almost impossible. By the way 40 items is an improvement, the first lists featured 9 items. This effects every area of your life. Re-building in Gaza hasn't taken place because there is very little cement allowed to cross the border.
How do people get the things they need? They do without a great many of the things they need. Enter the tunnels! Without the tunnels Gaza could not survive the siege. Everything from toothpaste, to tee shirts, to goats, to motorcycles comes through the tunnels. They are not hidden away as I had anticipated. They are out in the open all along the border between Gaza and Egypt. It's estimated there are over 900 tunnels. Sounds like a lot but remember, they are supplying 1,1500,000 people.
More questions another day.

Thursday: Gaza & Coffee Shop & the Night Begins

2009-07-15T18:20:00.026-04:00

Doylestown is fortunate to have use of a Community Room at Saxby's Coffee Shop. Just sign up to use it and the people will come, maybe? All types of meetings and programs originate from the Community Room with the only common thread....it's rent free! Thank you Saxby's! World policy is discussed there, ideas take root, change is in the air and it all begins in the Community Room.
What an ideal spot for my first reportback (remember that's activist speak for presentation) All was set for 7:00, Thursday evening, July 9. Many friends and acquaintances said they would be there, wouldn't miss it.
Kaitlyn, a reporter for the local newspaper, the Intelligencer, was assigned to write a story about the Gaza journey and me. She came to my house for the interview; listened, watched me flip through all the photos I could find, listened to Gaza's story as seen through my eyes and came on board! She's an impressive young woman. She wrote the article primarily about Gaza and turned it over to her editor. We were excited. The editor thought it would be more suitable if it was a human interest story about me....less about Gaza. Darn! Kaitlyn re-wrote the article, turned the new one in. Waited! Day after day, it didn't make the paper. Finally, July 9th it was published with a headline all across the top of the page and an "if you go" information box. It was terrific.
By late afternoon on the 9th people began calling to say how sorry they were but....... The audience was dwindling. I worked until 6:00, then husband, grandson and I made our way to Saxbys; laptop, projector, extension cord and notes in hand. Set up was a breeze, especially since the newly purchased projector is even more simple to use than we'd been told. We got coffee, sat down and began waiting the long wait. It was almost ten of seven and we were the only three in attendance. I attempt talking myself out of being discouraged, but lets face it, it was discouraging!
Finally, a man arrived. As I went to greet him, I heard I'm Rajie. I thought how can this be? I cut him off, saying wasn't he the Palestinian artist? I'd been wanting to get in touch him. I couldn't believe he was here. How did he know about my presentation? Kaitlyn's article it in the morning paper. He and his wife had plans for the evening but changed them so they could attend. What a rush! I told him if no one else came it was still worth it because I'd finally met him.
With in about ten minutes the room filled with, for the most part, total strangers. 28 people. How had they heard about the presentation? They read Kaitlyn's article! I am so happy she was there to see how many people she'd motivated.
Emma and Sammer, fellow travelers in Gaza, arrived offering support, encouragement and some smiles. What nice friends they've become. The trauma & intensity in Gaza; it's lonely, overwhelming and impossible to capture in words. Thank god for ability to the forge bonds of friendship in times of need!.
The audience began asking questions as they walked into the room. They continued with questions throughout the presentation which actually went fairly smoothly. Only once did things begin to run away and I quickly brought the show back under my control.
How did you become involved with Palestine was the #1 question, so that's where we began. I shared my story of being approached at a peace march; asked if I'd ever thought of going to Palestine; replying, it never entered my head; being given a scrap of paper with email & websites; exploring websites; gaining information; traveling to New York; finding Women of a Certain Age delightful; joining with them and traveling to Palestine in June 2004.
The response involved more questions and statements: how brave I was, how much courage I had; was I afraid? It all revolved around me, not Palestine itself.
First I wanted to dispel the myths of bravery and courage and fear. I was motivated by interest, the more information I acquired through reading and WCA the more involved I became, followed by commitment and excitement. As I saw it, the trip didn't require bravery or courage.
I was apprehensive about certain things that could happen, (I'd never experienced tear gas) but I was not afraid. We were trained very well for non-violent direct action; I felt confident and prepared.
Also, I was determined! I was going to the Palestine! Israel was not going to intimidate me no matter how hard they may try. I was on a mission, determined to see for myself the conditions in the West Bank. No one was going to stop me....unless, when I arrived at Ben Gurian air port, I wasn't allowed to enter Israel. There was an alternative plan if that happened.
Road blocks, check points, the wall, they all wreck havoc in the lives of Palestinians. If the audience left with an understanding of this, my detour from Gaza to the West Bank would be justified.
We erected a wall down the middle of Main Street, Immediately they understood the difficulties a wall imposes. Check points were a bit trickier, airport security, security lines for events and cattle shoots brought them on board with check points. Road blocks; rubble dirt boulders, chunks of concrete blocking a road to the point that cars couldn't pass.....that made sense.
The real test! We were to travel down a major road everyone was familiar with....only it had the wall running down and then through it. then two check points and three road blocks. The fact that you can't drive from A to B shocked everyone. You have to get a new taxi after each obstacle? What do you mean the check point might just close? How can they get away with that? So if you're fortunate enough to remove the road block you might be shot at and they'll probably come back with a super bulldozer and fill up the road again? Palestinians can be detained at any time, no reason given? How can the Palestinians stand all this? I explain that's just for openers, there's much more but we need to get to Gaza.
The next entry will deal with Gaza, that's a promise! It'a difficult to tell the Gaza story without beginning WCA and the trip to Palestine. There is always the how did you get started question.
Ann, one of the WCA women, cautioned me that the trip to Gaza was going to be much more difficult than the one to West Bank. I didn't believe or understand her. How could it be so difficult? Thank goodness the IDF weren't going to be there, no border patrol jeeps, no soldiers, no check points.
Ann's a wise woman, she knew and tried to prepare me. I had no concept of how difficult Gaza would be.
Gaza! Trauma, destruction and injustice describe Gaza.

Thursday: Gaza & the Coffee Shop, but first...............

2009-07-12T00:40:00.032-04:00

Thursday evening, July 9 I held my first reportback about my trip to Gaza in the community room at Saxby's coffee shop in Doylestown. Oh what a night!
When I reserved the community room I can't remember. I do remember I was pushing myself to take action about Palestine and the promise I'd give talks about what I'd seen, heard and done in Gaza. I'd made that promise to myself and the people of Palestine. So many people in Gaza told us that groups come, say they are going to do something when they get home and they never hear from them again. Our group certainly isn't doing that, but that's another story.
Back to Saxby's and the reportback (which is activist lingo for presentation) For many reasons, my pictures of Gaza are few and far between and not especially good. Big problem! Thankfully others shared their pictures with me and I was able to pick the best of the best. This was, however, a major project. I had to get the photos into my computer, place them in a file,
maybe make some additional files for topics, loose a file, find it and loose another one. Maddening! Then, I'd have a presentation ready for public consumption.
My computer skills are beyond poor. One thing I have on my side is determination though it's mixed with ignorance. I had pictures from six different people, with more than one file for each of the six; sometimes as many as three or four. I was set on organizing them.....I organized myself to the breaking point. But I had started putting things together for the "slide show"

Enter Meg, my grandson's girlfriend, she's going to clean up the mess. She copied and pasted, moved photos around and came up with a file that had all "million" photos in one file on my desktop. When I showed her the process I use to get pictures in this blog, she couldn't believe it. Just kept shaking her head; then told me how creative I must be to "invent" my own way to post the pictures. It worked but took three times longer than necessary.
The next day the master file slipped off the desk top, never to be found again, not even in the trash.

Enter Jasmine, my granddaughter, who couldn't understand how her Gram had made such a mess of the pictures. My system of putting them in files made sense only to me and sometimes made no sense to me either. She patiently showed me how to move pictures around, place them where I wanted them and how to write captions and include information. She made new files for the pictures and deleted files I didn't need. The tutorial was over. I worked for hours and hours; pulling the images I wanted; had about reached the half way mark, when the entire group of pictures, my slide show in the making, disappeared. Not in the trash, not anywhere. Jasmine and her husband offered to help look for it later in the day. I kept searching and it finally re-appeared.Where it had been I'll never know.

Once I had collected all the images I thought I wanted, they needed to be put in order for the "show." A matter of following my outline for speaking.
It's not an easy process....deciding which photo best describes a situation or idea you want to convey. I began with the Palestinian flag waving atop a destroyed factory. Which seemed to say a lot about the situation. Then I went to the Rafa Border Crossing and our entry into Gaza.
Gaza is a beautiful place, in little snatches. It must have been gorgeous at one time. There is still a romantic, quaint feel to it, in snatches. The sea is magnificent! Children sitting on the back of a donkey cart. Great images! And then?

I decided to begin the presentation with "the beautiful Gaza" and go right into the "destroyed Gaza" without any transition or explanation until about the fourth picture of destruction. I hoped this shock effect would get the viewer's attention. And it did! There was a collective sucking in of air and then silence. The pictures speak for themselves! Not all is destroyed in Gaza, but you can see someone(Israel) was trying to wipe them off the map!

While the pictures show the destruction, and show it well, there is much missing. It's a sense of death. Of seeing something, knowing it's all that's left, its what is left behind, it was something before, something that didn't disappear, what you see is all that is left and what you're seeing is horribly distorted and wrong. What could cause this horrible transformation? The rubble and destruction is too complete, too organized to be the result of a storm. Nature isn't that methodical.

The realization that this destruction, this death, this sad, sad scene is man made.....was thought out, that a careful plan was drawn up for destroying a place and a people....It causes your stomach to knot, you grow cold and clammy; then hot and sweat begins to slide down your face or is it tears? This destruction was done by people, a country, a well armed country. Israel! How in the world could this happen? Didn't anyone notice? Try to intervene?

How can this landmine say
"made in the USA"?

How can we right this wrong?

Special Times

2009-06-27T02:07:00.025-04:00

Wednesday evening, the 24th of June our delegation got together for the first time since we left Gaza. We gathered at Dorothy's apartment once again. Quite a different experience than when we met together for the first time.

I was staying overnight with my friend Gail. She's the one who introduced me to Palestine and invited me to join her and the Women of a Certain Age and travel to the West Bank. That was in 2004. Gail's a terrific woman: smart, generous, committed, informed, a problem solver and on top of all that, she's got a wonderful sense of humor. She instills courage and trust. I'd trust her with my life.

When ever I visit her apartment I'm reminded of the first time I stayed there. I had come to New York to meet with WCA and decide whether I'd travel with them to Palestine; if they'd have me. I was nervous and overwhelmed. I'd never even been inside a New York apartment building. Gail and I'd been exchanging phone calls and emails, but the only time I'd seen her was during our brief encounter protesting the anniversary of the invasion of Iraq. That's when the idea of Palestine, going to Palestine, was placed in my head. She opened the door, we hugged, I walked into her apartment, immediately feeling relaxed and at home.

It's been five years since we met and WCA journeyed to Palestine. An amazing trip with amazing women. I am not a group person, I try to avoid them. However when I walked into the meeting room where they'd gathered; I knew this was a group I would love being part of, would travel with and treasure for the rest of my life.

What a wonderful period in my life! I now had New York friends who were teaching me so much, when I could understand them. I learned to ride the subway, even all by myself (but not often). Most of these women are Jewish, New York Jews. This involved more education. The discovery that there are many Jews and many Jewish organizations supporting rights for Palestinians and openly opposing the Israeli government and Zionists was surprising. And they do it with a passion I'd rarely seen.

Our trip to Palestine was constantly an amazing journey with fun, protests, tears, fear, friendship, learning, sharing. All those things I'd resisted in groups. Now the sharing became especially necessary for me. I wanted and needed to know what my friends were experiencing and share my own thoughts and feelings. Sometimes it made facing the next day possible. Sometimes it kept me sane. It was a special time.

And now on June 24, I'm at Gail's apartment preparing for a meeting of my Gaza delegation. We never decided on a name for "us." I continue to wish we had. Since our return on June 1 I have remained in touch with Joyce and Emma. Emma lives near by. We meet for drinks one evening and some much needed talking. Re-entry is swallowing up both of us. The group's list serve has keep people in touch. Thank goodness for that or I'd be a basket case.

I've come to the realization that I'm a very needy person. Have I always been this way? Did the trauma of Gaza cause the need? I don't know. I've always relied on my independence; not needing other people. I'm emotional, always have been; but needy? I don't think so.

A friend from the trip stopped by. We visited with Gail, then headed off to Broadway and libations. As we walked it was obvious we were both stressed. We found a bar, sat down, ordered drinks and began talking in earnest. We both continued to struggle with re-entry and our traumatic Gaza experience. My friend was also struggling with his Jewishness. He's upset by the atrocities "his people" have inflicted upon the Palestinians, particularly those living in Gaza. It causes him pain! We had talked about this before during our days in Gaza. He was being much too hard on himself....little of what I said seemed to matter.......and I wanted to help him! Tonight he seemed so upset; almost as though a sore was festering below the skin, preparing to erupt.

When we arrived at Dorothy's it was very good to see my fellow travelers. We shared hugs, greetings and more hugs. We sat down in a loosely shaped circle. "A sharing circle?" I wished! Rarely when we had a time for sharing did people share. I was always ready even though talking was usually difficult and painful! I needed to express my emotions, fears and thoughts. Also I had a bit of hope that my sharing might prompt others to do the same. Which wasn't the case.

Conversations were buzzing around the room. Joyce said she'd like to talk about how she was doing since her return......everyone listened intently, sometimes shaking their heads in agreement. Next Ceil spoke up, then me. We were on a roll; a runaway train of emotion. Everyone spoke! And did so willingly, sitting on the edge of their chair, leaning forward, it was such a special time. Thank god we were finally having a "group experience" I think all of us were a bit surprised by the intimacy, the raw anger, fears and frustrations expressed. No, they were shared! I also would be willing to bet we each felt more in touch with ourselves and each other than before. It was a special time.

The next thing you know we'll be deciding on a name for "us".

Qattan Center : Children Paint to Heal Wounds

2009-06-18T22:41:00.067-04:00

The Bombs fell day and night. Helicopters hovered over head dropping white phosphorous bombs. Tanks shooting guns, rolling over everything in their way. Airplanes flying low, flying high, firing missiles everywhere. The soldiers came with guns and nasty words; they also shot people. There was noise, and fire, and dust, and crying, and bangs, and blood, and yelling, and more noisy bangs, and sometimes quiet. Then it all started over again. It was so very, very scary.

The Qattan Center in Gaza City is a haven for children, as are other childrens' centers in Gaza. But Qattan is different! They are housed in a large colorful, contemporary building that would rival centers through out the world. Upon first seeing it, I was shocked; it seemed so out of place, too bright and glitzy and it looked expensive. Qattan is financially supported by a Foundation, begun by a man from Gaza who moved to England and became very successful.

All the childrens' agencies we spoke with told us how very traumatized the children are. They are depressed, have difficulty concentrating, are having sleep problems and nightmares, react strongly to loud noises, are clingy with loved ones and have many other signs of "traumatic stress." It isn't "post" the stress continues. They've watched their homes destroyed, witnessed death, lived in fear and seen the horrors of war.

Their eyes have witnessed too much!
These pictures were painted by children attending programs at Qattan. Using art therapy it is hoped the children will heal. Their paintings express thoughts and emotions about their experiences.

Dropping from the airplane and helicopters are white phosphorous bombs. They burn very bright red with a white smoke stream behind them.

Burns from white phosphorous are very painful, and dangerous. There were deaths and many serious injuries caused by white phosphorous during the Dec.-Jan. bombing by the IDF. White phosphorous bombs are rarely used in populated areas.

This painting includes IDF helicopters, airplane, tanks, guns bombs and missiles.

Proudly waiving at top center in the picture is the Palestinian flag. It's encircled with dots which also enclose two other objects I can't identify.

I cannot tell if this helicopter is dropping a
bomb or shooting a missile. War is there but there's also hope; a bright sun, fluffy clouds in the sky, birds flying, a tree full of green leaves and a strong house still standing. We all hope for brighter days in Gaza

There's war happening, that's obvious, but if you look at the house there are hearts in the windows......where there are hearts there's love and life.

The Qattan Center offers supportive and exciting programs for the children of Gaza and their mothers.

Their library is extensive, it wasn't easy to get it that way. Shelving and books were ordered and paid for and it took two years to receive approval from Israel to bring them in to Gaza. Just one more example of arbitrary and nonsensical control exhibited by the Israeli Government.

Qattan accepts volunteers, even ones that don't speak Arabic. They're also flexible about the length of time volunteers serve.

It's a vibrant environment and one I would very much like to become a part of. I'm communicating with the director, Reem and I'm hopeful I'll be able to return to Gaza as a Qattan volunteer. It's not an "easy project." For openers, getting into Gaza is a major challenge. I'm up for a challenge!

When Reem mentioned volunteering to our delegation I was certain I didn't qualify because I don't speak Arabic. A friend in the group encouraged me to talk to Reem about it.
Thankfully I listened to him, hopefully I'll return to Gaza as a volunteer!

The Hidden Tunnels?

2009-06-14T20:47:00.040-04:00

Tunnel entrance

There are hundreds of tunnels running under the border between Egypt and Gaza. Much to my surprise, they are right out in the open; not hidden away in secret. There are "tunnel roads" with trucks and carts carrying the latest shipments of merchandise to "market."

Entrance to tunnel

The siege, inflicted upon Gaza by Israel, (with Egypt's cooperation) includes limiting goods allowed into Gaza to an "approved list of 40 items." The list is arbitrary, not based on needs and Gaza has no input in the process. Before the siege 9,000 different items used to cross into Gaza. Think of the number of items in your grocery cart each week. What if you went to the store and found shelves sparsely stocked with a choice of 40 items. Restrictive? How would you manage? Actually the list of 40 items is an improvement; Israel's original list was limited to 9 items!

tunnel with tripod and pulley

The tunnels were born of necessity. They bring canned goods, clothing, toys, even motorcycles! There are now pipes running through some tunnels carrying gas and oil. Prices are inflated on merchandise, unfortunately that's to be expected and to a certain extent, probably necessary. Running a tunnel is risky business!

What about Israel's need to "defend" themselves against the tunnels? Remember, Gaza has no air force. They have no army. Their police force is small. It should be noted that Israel killed over 200 new officers when they bombed the police academy during a graduation ceremony. What about a navy, there must be boats? No navy, in fact the fishermen in Gaza have their boats attacked by Israeli speed boats and gun boats.

We won't get into the fact that Israel is the fourth largest military power in the world and yes, they have weapons of "mass destruction

For 23 days in December 2008 and January 2009, Israel steady and forcefully destroyed Gaza; leaving rubble where houses once stood, masses of crumbled

cement and metal that were industrial sites, farm land ruined, orchards uprooted, municipal buildings destroyed, almost 1,500 people killed and thousands wounded.

New tunnel being built in full view of
Egyptian house, Gaza-Egypt border wall

Israel wasn't waging this battle to wipe out those dangerous "hidden" tunnels. The tunnels undoubtedly bring rockets into Gaza; rockets are a tiny fraction of goods making their way from Egypt to Gaza, via tunnels. Save the 40 items on Israel's approved list, the tunnels supply all Gaza's imported goods. These goods are essential because most of their factories have been destroyed. Yes, some tunnels were hit, the majority were not. They are in plain view! They could have been wiped out! If Israel truly wanted to destroy the tunnels they could do so in a day, maybe two.

The world watched, sitting in their living rooms, as Israel destroyed Gaza, day, after day, after day for 23 days. Horror! Disgust! Disbelief! Anger! Questions! How can Israel say they must defend themselves by destroying tunnels when they proceed to bombard and destroy people, their homes, their communities, their infrastructure? Israel lied about the 23 day days of hell they inflicted on Gaza. It was not a "war against the tunnels." The world heard them, watched them and has begun speaking out. Why has it taken so long? Israel consistently dis-regards international law; indiscriminately murders and incarcerates Palestinians; destroys homes, farms, buildings and infrastructure and enforce cruel, unusual and inhumane practices on Palestinians. How Palestinians maintain their dignity and hope under these conditions is amazing, especially in Gaza. Holding Israel accountable for their illegal actions against Palestinians is long overdue!

Awaiting a visitor from Palestine

2009-06-12T11:04:00.009-04:00

This article is a prime example of the restrictions forced on the people in Gaza. The restrictions are nonsensical and inhumane, especially when they involve children and those needing medical treatment.

The fact that the US awarded an additional 50 million dollars to "improve" the Rafah Border crossing causes my stomach to tie up into knots. How can Israel, Egypt and the US carry out these acts that cause terror in the lives of so many yet not be labeled terrorists?

Awaiting a visitor from Palestine

Ramzy Baroud

Wednesday 10 June 2009

His room is ready. The walls have fresh paint and my kids prepared a basket of chocolates and other treats to place beside his bed.

They hung a poster on his door that has been decorated with coloured pens and glitter that says "Welcome Sobhi!"

I have taught them that "Sobhi" means the "morning light" and that during his visit he will not be treated as a visitor but as a brother.

They have compiled a list of fun places to visit - parks, the beach and maybe a ferry ride.

Two weeks ago, my family, after months of anticipation, were scheduled to be the host family for a very special exchange programme for Gazan kids to visit the US.

Our host child Sobhi was slated to arrive on May 30.

My family was excited and a little nervous. I noticed my wife taking every opportunity to share news of the arrival of our special visitor. We rang Sobhi's family from time to time, realising that sending a child off to a foreign land to live with a strange family can be unsettling for a parent. But I think our occasional conversations helped put everyone at ease.

As time has progressed, we have learned more of Sobhi's life and family in Gaza.

We first thought he was 11 years old, but we then learned that he is actually 15. We originally thought his family lived in the town of Khan Yunis, but we later found out that he is from the northern town of Beit Lahia. We thought that he was maimed when his house was demolished in the Israeli attack of January 2009, but we then later learned that his leg was in fact blown off by an Israeli tank shell when the army opened fire on his family while they were farming their land.

So, day by day, we are learning more about this fine young boy's tragic lot.

Growing numbers of children forever maimed, dismembered and killed by Israel are not only somehow disregarded by the world media and therefore the world's conscience but are even denied access to health care.

Sobhi is one of many Gazan children who have been taken under the wing of the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund (PCRF), a non-profit, US-based organisation that organises medical exchange programmes, sending injured children abroad for treatment when it is inaccessible in Palestine.

I cannot express my admiration and gratefulness for the tireless work of the PCRF staff. But in anticipation of Sobhi's arrival, I can't escape the irony of how this unassuming son of a Gazan farmer, whose life has been forever altered by a US-subsidised tank shell, is now venturing alone across the world to be the recipient of another US manufactured implement - a plastic leg.

And now, as if things could get any worse, even the possibility of getting Sobhi here seems grim.

Coming from Gaza, Sobhi must cross the Rafah border to begin his journey from Cairo. But Egypt is refusing to grant him entry. It is a predicament that so many Gazans face following the January massacres.

When Barack Obama spoke in Cairo on January 4, the closest major city was Gaza, where children flooded the border, imploring the US leader to exert some pressure on Israel to open the border and end the blockade that has imprisoned the entire population for nearly two years.

Children held banners with slogans saying: "A light of hope for Gaza children" and "Gaza children appeal for help." Sahar Abu Foul, a nine-year-old girl who attended the rally, said that the children in Gaza want Obama's help "to secure a life like all other children."

But with his rigorous schedule, Obama couldn't pencil in a visit to the border to address this young crowd.

However, just before his arrival, Congress invested further money in fortifying the border area, allocating an addition $50 million (£30.5 million) to secure the Rafah border, making Sobhi's crossing all the more unlikely.

So the days pass. I telephone Sobhi, who speaks with maturity and courtesy on the phone, inquiring about my health, the health of my family and asking that God will grant us lives of good health and other mercies.

His medical charts say that he is overcoming his depression and simply wants to join his father in the fields again.

He has uncomplicated aspirations and a seemingly simple request - an artificial leg.

His father, soft-spoken and a bit shy, seems to be resigned to the unfortunate possibility of his son not coming to the US after all.

I continue to encourage him, but I myself also feel that this special and unusual exchange may have been too good to be true.

Sobhi says that he hopes that he will be able to help with the olive harvest this year. But sometimes having hope in a place like Gaza becomes more of a liability than a lifeline.

Ramzy Baroud is an author and editor of PalestineChronicle.com. His latest book is The Second Palestinian Intifada: A Chronicle Of A People's Struggle.

Lost scholarships and opportunities

2009-06-09T21:50:00.023-04:00

Today I was interviewed by a reporter, student intern, from our local daily paper "The Intelligentcer" Kaitlyn, a student at Smith, listened intently, asked good questions and left telling me she'd learned so much during our afternoon together. My hope, and I believe its hers as well, is that her article will receive good coverage and as she said, she has other places to pitch the article...Smith, etc.

It was empowering and a relief to tell the story of my experience in Gaza, backed up with pictures (most of which were taken by others in our delegation). Sometimes I feel I'm living a a vacuum or another world; perhaps my world is divided between Gaza and the US.

During the interview, I told Kaitlyn about a group we'd met with, the Palestinian Youth Committee. college students or graduates in their twenties. They are extremely isolated due to the siege against Gaza and hopeful of establish contact with young people in other countries. They are building a website and hope to use the internet to "travel" and meet people. She's expressed interest in exploring this when she returns to Smith. It sounds encouraging.

It was painful listening to the students stories full of hopes and dreams that have little chance of being fulfilled given the current circumstances in Gaza. Imagine you are living in Gaza, are a bright student who has graduated from college and received a scholarship to study abroad, maybe at the University of Pennsylvania. It's an honor, the opportunity of a lifetime. You loose the scholarship! Why? Because Israeli restrictions and Egypt's cooperation force you to remain in Gaza. You may not leave! Dozens of students are faced with this disappointment. It makes no sense to me!

Employment opportunities in Gaza are dismal for these students with unemployment figures reported to be at forty to seventy five percent. Because of restrictions on goods coming into Gaza people are suffering on all levels. An architect cannot find work because buildings aren't being planned, because construction materials aren't available. These workers are unemployed at the same time thousands of people are in need of housing and hundreds of buildings need to be reconstructed. Gaza, no matter how hard it tries, cannot be rebuilt and recover from the bombings and destruction inflicted upon it with out basic construction materials. The siege intentionally cuts off Gaza's supply of these materials. If there is no cement there can be no building! This paralysis is the direct result of Israel's siege. I don't understand how they are able to get away with this. It is wrong! Maybe evil is a better word.

Re-entry is slow and painful

2009-06-07T09:29:00.023-04:00

Almost one week has passed since my return to Doylestown in suburban Philadelphia. My journey in Gaza seems as though it happened months ago; an hour ago and anything in between. Thankfully the inter net keeps me in touch with my fellow travelers, it also makes the sharing of photos an instant reality.

We were shown her serious burns
caused by white phosphorous.
Were we intruding?
My own photographs number few. I was shocked to find I'd captured and documented so few memories with my camera. Usually I am consistently clicking away but not this time. My experience in Gaza was painful. Many times I felt I was intruding into the private space of people's lives, homes and experience. Their stories were captured and embedded in my brain and heart. Photos can fade or be misplaced, the Gazan memories will stay with me forever.

Many years ago Ken, my then companion and now husband, and I traveled to California, on my . first "adult vacation." I fell in love with San Francisco and Berkley, where he was attending a conference. We traveled Route 1 down the coast, which was amazing. My photo album is full of memories and sights seen. The most treasured memory is not recorded on film.

We spent time with my cousin Janie, her husband, Peter and their son, Benjamin, who was about two. I'd met Janie only a few times in my life. Their home was back the Palo Colorado Canyon; with a generator providing electricity and a composting out house with a view of the Pacific. It was Jamie's birthday and we'd purchased a cake and candles to celebrate. After dinner we sat around the table in candle light. When the cake appeared, candles aglow, Benjamin stretched his arms across the table toward his mother, his little fingers dancing and reaching. Janie stretched her fingers towards him....and my first thought was grab my camera, take a picture. When I looked at their faces, glowing with love and candlelight I realized the experience was too personal and intimate for the intrusion of my camera.

Thinking atop the ruins of his home
I did not want to intrude while in Gaza, although I guess our very presence was an intrusion. I just did not feel worthy of invading space that was so personal. How do you walk through some one's tent just to get from A to B more quickly? I couldn't, I walked around the outside of the tent. People were so anxious to tell their stories they allowed us great privileges in hopes we'd see, believe and tell the world. They trusted us and hopefully we will not let them down.

The scenes in Gaza, destruction, homes, tents, people etc were captured in photos by many of my fellow travelers. They've have taken fantastic photos and I hope to post some on this blog when I figure out how to upload/download; it's frustrating to be so computer illiterate.

Return to Doylestown

2009-06-01T18:46:00.003-04:00

I left Gaza yesterday in the afternoon, traveled to the Cairo airport for my flight at 1:00 AM today June 1, arrived at JFK about 6:30 this morning, was met by Ken, had breakfast in Edison, New Jersey and was home here in Doylestown around 11.

My journey to Gaza was extremely meaningful and heart wrenching. Now I'll need time to digest and reflect on the things I saw, heard and thought. And where will I go from here? I know I want to put together a "show," "talk" or "report back" whatever you want to call it and share my story of "seeing for myself." Our group has decided to take on some major projects and I've signed on to work on some of them. There are additional options available and certainly ones I'm not even aware of.

My first bit of digesting and reflecting was done this afternoon when I read my blog and became unglued by all the errors, I need an editor!! My apologies for the mess. I'll try to do better.

I did make additions to some of posts where I'd left out information and thought it should be included in the post. Tomorrow I plan to go through my journals, gather missing information or thoughts and begin to blog them on new posts. You're welcome to follow along if you'd like.

The Mass Destruction of Gaza

2009-05-30T09:52:00.032-04:00

It's now Saturday late afternoon afternoon. I'm sitting in the hotel garden drinking a mango. A gin and tonic with lime would be nice but the mango's delicious. Time passes so quickly here and the days are so full it's difficult to keep track of when things happened or what day it is.

Yesterday was beyond being emotional.
How people can destroy homes, lives, gardens.... everything is beyond me. The destruction is unbelievable! Massive piles of concrete, metal and rubbleubble that had been homes, schools, businesses all reduced to rubble. At times whole areas were destroyed; at others one building had been targeted, leaving a large hole filled with it's remains. Large buildings often weren't totally leveled leaving enormous slabs of concrete jutting in many directions. They almost looked like sculpture.

One area we visited was near the Israeli border. Initially it was bombed, followed by tanks and troop carriers. When their mission was finished the soldiers returned on their way to Israel. Homes that had been partially destroyed before were bulldozed. Landmines were carefully hidden in the rubble; when people returned to find no house left standing and when searching for possessions would be blown up by a landmine. By the time the soldiers were finished animals, gardens, orchards and houses were all carefully, deliberately destroyed The Israeli reason, creating a buffer zone. Why not create it on their own side of the border? How the Israeli soldiers can be so cruel and inhuman is beyond me. They are SICK!

These land mines are stamped "Made in the USA." How can we be a party to this? Is the almighty dollar worth more than childrens' lives? How long will our government continue to wear blinders when dealing with Israel?

A number of the former residents had brought tents to the area and would "visit" their old neighborhood during the day.
We spent time with three families and heard their stories. The planes flying overhead was nothing new, nor were the bombs but this time it was different. They came and didn't stop. As people tried to run for safety snipers indiscriminately shot at them; men, women, children, old people, it made no difference. Some were killed others wounded. We heard of young girls being shot even though they were waving white flags. Listening to people tell their stories was heart wrenching. I felt I was intruding into their most personal space and wondered if I should be there, wanted to be there.... they seemed to genuinely want to talk; I listened as the interrupter relayed their experience.

We met a woman about my age had lost three family members. She'd lived in the same house all her life. It was bombed beyond belief. She was now living in two rooms with 19 relatives and coming back each day to sit in her tent next to the remains of her house and wonder WHY?. Every single person we talked to asked "why" over and over again and usually ended their story by saying "Why? We just want to lead a life in peace."

Many of the children had vacant expressions on their faces and eyes that had no sparkle (that wasn't true of all the children) One of the exceptions occurred in a refugee camp where the children were flying a kite and making another. I went over to watch. After a while they motioned for me to take control of the kite which was soaring beautifully in the bright blue sky. How could I refuse? My only fear was loosing it to the sky. They tried showing me how to let the string out, (they were using a stick and pieces of string tied together). I couldn't get the hang of it, which they thought was hysterical. What a joy to have a bright fun moment, especially with children! It was just what I needed to return to life rather than having my mind and heart hovering in the rubble and destruction.

We visited a home where 11 people, an extended family, lost their lives, many in the house itself. Their house was hit by a white phosphorous bomb; which burns and keeps on burning. Sniper fire picked off people as they tried to escape. The family continues to live in the house, with large holes from the bombs, scorched walls and harrowing memories. The families matriarch, who lost her husband, brothers, children and grandchildren, can't stay in the house because of the trauma but comes every day and walks through it. Perhaps the most tragic story involves one of the children, a little girl, who was severely burned over almost her body by the white phosphorous. She's had treatment in Egypt but needs much more. Her mother was unable to survive the 3rd degree burns and died in Egypt. Which the family can't arrange or afford. How can anyone justify using such a chemical? I'm not positive but I believe international law classifies it as an illegal "weapon". I've checked it out: white phosphorous is not "illegal" it is generally used to form a smoke screen or defoliate an area. It's not "designed" to be used in heavily populated areas. Sounds a bit like napalm. Does Israel not know of laws it should abide? Do they believe they are justified and "above the law?" I believe they are below the law....further below than I ever imagined possible. To make matters worse the white phosphorous can look "dead" but when it's touched ignites again. Naturally children are attracted to it and often become badly burned.

We met with John Ging, head of the United Nations Relief and Works Agency, UNRWA our "sponsors" for the trip. He's Irish and has been in Gaza for 31/2 years. His take on the siege is that the international community (US) needs to put political pressure on Israel to lift it. He has obvious respect and admiration for the Palestinians. UNRWA has responsibility for the refugee camps; from what I saw they could be doing a better job with them. They run schools and provide other services for people who were defined as refugees in 1948 and their offspring. 60 years is a very long time to live in a refugee camp. He's seeing changes, more political leaders are visiting Gaza. Most are expecting a Gaza they do not find. They find Gazans are normal people not terrorists as they are portrayed. The "logic" behind Israel's siege is seen as illogical, cruel and inhumane. The problem will not be solved with more humanitarian aid. It is a political problem needing a political solution. The US, my country, needs to take a good look at the facts, international law and the Geneva Convention and stand up for what if right and just.

New York times corespondent Taghreed El-Khoolary came for breakfast yesterday. Her beat is Gaza, she's the only full time reporter here and is connected to the Middle East bureau in Jerusalem. She's an amazing person, strong, very bright and up on every thing in Gaza. We were lucky to have contact with her. She was shocked by the extent of the Israeli assault in Dec. Jan. She talked about the fighting between Fattah and Hamas and how very damaging it is to Gaza. Much of what she said was off the record. She too believes a political solution must be found.

It's almost midnight and I need to sign off.

I'm back on line!!!

2009-05-29T01:38:00.003-04:00

Greetings, I'm using my own computer. How I managed to connect to the internet is beyond me. Everyone with tons of compute experience has tried and failed.
Today we're headed to areas heavily bombed and refuge camps. I missed this type trip on Tuesday when I was sick.
About where we're staying: We're in a hotel in Gaza city. It's clean and comfortable but not fancy. It's walled with vines, some are flowering. They have a large covered patio restaurant that fills up in the evening with 90% men talking and smoking the houka (sure that's misspelled) There are very few women , if they come they're with a man and once in a while children accompany them. The food is good but "expensive" foe Palestinian food. Dinner was about $8.50. Only splurged there once.
There are many bombed buildings in Gaza. Sometimes a whole area has been destroyed other buildings were targeted leaving the buildings around them standing with minimal damage or none at all. Almost everyone we've met has lost a family member to the bombing. The stories of trying to survive are harrowing. I'll try to relate some to you this evening (now that I'm using my own computer I'll have more time)
Must go for breakfast and conversation with a reporter who writes for the New York Times.

Amazing Day

2009-05-28T11:56:00.030-04:00

I was fortunate to have someone loan me their computer and hope to catch up on what's been happening.
Yesterday I was very sick and sent back to the hotel by taxi. It's probably a very good thing I didn't go because the day involved walking in the hot Palestinian sun. Others have given me detailed accounts of the day and will share pictures. I ended up sleeping about 20 hours; just taking bathroom breaks.

Today we visited the Palestinian Human Rights Agency. Very interesting talk about what's being done legally about all the violations during the 23 day war. Most violations are on the part of Israel, but some pertain to Fatah and Hamas.Law suits are being prepared by human rights organizations and other countries citing the abuses. Documentation of the violations is quite thorough with many agencies noting the same abuses in their reports.
We viewed their display of weapons used during the Dec-Jan bombardment by Israel. Naturally, it's disturbing to see the remains of shells, missiles, bombs and other weapons. They caused the injury or death of many Gazans. The most disturbing aspect was finding far too many stamped "made in the USA"!

From there we traveled to the beach and tried to have lunch by the Mediterranean, It was a lovey setting; children (all boys) playing in the water, kites flying in the sky, boys on horseback riding through the sand and surf.

A beautiful gray pony stood quietly in the Mediterranean

The waves splashed against the pony's face and sides; every once in a while she would turn around wanting to be splashed on the other side. Our lunch did not arrive. We finally had to leave or be late for our appointment. Much later we returned to enjoy eating by the Mediterranean; the Gazan "sea-horse" continued bathing in the sea.

Our second visit was the Gaza Community Mental Health Agency. The discussion involved the impact of the war on children. They are suffering from depression...there is no post-traumatic syndrome, there's only traumatic syndrome. They're experiencing times of aggression, clinging to their parents, anger, fear, learning difficulties. These are only words and can't begin to describe what the children are experiencing. They've lost family members, their friends, their houses, seen death, watched their parents be humiliated and their lives destroyed.
They also spoke about mental health in Israel, victimization, surviving and the need to heal.

Our third visit was to the Qattan Center for Children it is funded by a foundation set up by the family of a Palestinian who's now living in England and very wealthy. Their building is amazing, very modern with an enormous library with over 1000,000 books. Just a beautiful facility and wonderful programs. They are even looking for volunteers, speaking Arabic isn't necessary and you may volunteer for any length of time.

This evening we talked to a young woman from the Palestinian Youth Committee. She had received four scholarships to study in the US and England. When she tried to leave Gaza she wasn't allowed to cross the border into Egypt, Jordan or Israel. This is a familiar story! Also Palestinians who've gone to another country often are often not allowed to re-enter Gaza. They are told their paper work isn't in order, sometimes they are denied the proper visa, there are many excuses given. The bottom line is, they may not return. This policy has to be a collaborative decision between Egypt and Israel. It makes no sense to deny a person entry to their own country. Gaza certainly doesn't deny re-entry to her own citizens.

Have to return this computer to Joyce. Trip is interesting, informative, disturbing and at the same time wonderful.