My return to Gaza is fast approaching and the process is going forward ...backward..some times with things I expect.... ofter times with thins=hs totally unexpected. Keeping up from day to day is extremely difficult. I am also rather irritable (that's an understatement).
I am more certain than ever that what I've chosen to do is absolutely the right choice. It's clear Gaza is where I want to be. I want and need the opportunity to interact with Gaza ..... learn the lay of the land, establish relationships, listen to the people...hear what's being said, educate myself, there is so much waiting for me to discover. I especially want time with the children. They've experienced trauma and loss well beyond what most people can even imagine. How can they not be afraid and angry? It stands to reason they will become angry adults.....their experienced in life has been tainted by repression, war, inhumane treatment. I'd be very angry. Currently the older people in Gaza remember better peaceful times....they hope life will return to that. For todays children the picture will be much different.
On the home front in Doylestown, experiences are volatile. Naturally everyone tells me they want me to be safe...I want to be safe....I'm not a masochist. "Be safe" can be said in many ways and I've heard most of them. It's been a surprise to find some people are angry....angry with me for being stupid; causing others to worry....how selfish can I get? Others are maudlin: filled with doom and gloom; anticipating the worst..with hopes I'll have a at least a narrow escape from it all AND learn my lesson; never do anything out of the ordinary again. Then there are the "jolly campers"...telling me how amazing I am...brave, dedicated, strong, true to myself....but...(they begin to wring their hands, maybe even tear up.) Am I sure I'm aware of the situation in Gaza? Oh please, please, please...for me...be careful. The reaction I find amazing is, "You're going where? Gaza? Ah, where is that? What's it near?"
There are a few wonderful people who accept me, what I'm doing...without any personal criticism, or questioning. Their concern for me...my safety....is just part of the acceptance..on their part and on mine. I'm not made to question my sanity, feel guilty, apologize for what I'm doing... explain the impossible. make excuses ...none of that negative, damaging shit. If I've totally missed something I should take into consideration. then I certainly want it pointed out to me...gently... information shared with an equal. All that's expected is a hug or two, I love you, be safes (for me and the other person.)
Two family memories fly back to me. The first involves my mother who was 95 when I went to the West Bank. Family was shocked I intended to tell her what I was doing....how could I not? what if something did happen to me? When I explained I was going to the West Bank, her response, "Well dear, I would never have thought of that. You'll be careful, you always are." While there I called her. I was walking along a high ridge, the sights were beautiful, we had just helped Palestinians tear down a road block and been treated to a feast under a magnificent grape arbor. I wanted to share it with her. Had my trip been kept secret, our wonderful talk would not have happened.
The second memory involves me brother John. When I went to the West Bank in 2004 he was any thing but supportive... asking what I expected to accomplish? Did I really expect to solve the I/P situation or make a difference? When I went to Gaza in 2009 his attitude was totally different. It was wonderful I was going. What a great opportunity. He was so proud of me... my involvement was necessary. He was so positive and interested, I even asked him if he would like to join our delegation. He declined but wished us well. I wonder how he would react to this trip his little sister is taking. I'm certain he would be proud of me and what I'm doing. He died in October so I'll never know.
Let me close this by saying I appreciate support....having re-read this I sound critical, ungrateful for people
giving me "support" I realize they are doing their best and I should accept it as support with out judgement of the person or what they've said. Life is not easy....it's a balancing act!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Gram, you're an amazing individual, motivating. I hope the kids you meet see that. I hope that you help them sort through hardships, a bit, and help them to find their anger & hurts without hatred, so that they bring about some of the peace they desire. I love you an already can't wait to hear your new recollections.
ReplyDelete-Allace
Hi Susan,
ReplyDeleteI saw a link to your blog on MondoWeiss. I am a 58 year old New Yorker looking to do pretty much what you are doing. I am working on getting a certificate in teaching English as a second language so that I might make some contribution while there. I grew up in the deep South in the Sixties and I see many similarities between Israel and the Jim Crow South. I was too young for the Civil Rights movement but I see the Palestinian struggle as the pivotal human rights struggle in the world today and i would like to contribute my little grain of sand as soon as i can. I admire your strength and courage. I hope you will be able to continue writing about your experiences in Gaza. I will be taking notes so that i can follow in your footsteps! Courage!
Yes, what a balancing act it is!
ReplyDeleteHello Susan! I found your blog through Mondoweiss too. I respect your efforts to try and make a difference. I was wondering about the art supplies you mentioned wanting to take. Are you trying to raise funds to buy them or taking donations of supplies, or are you just trying to fund these things yourself?
ReplyDeleteAre your plans still to be there Aug 24-Oct 6? That means your whole stay will be during Ramadan. I am sure the kids will enjoy any new activities you can arrange to help the days pass pleasantly, but are you prepared for the challenges you will face because of Ramadan? For instance, no restaurants will open during the day and you probably won't feel comfortable drinking in public in the heat of the day. And many of the children, since schools are still on vacation, will sleep half the day so they can be up more in the nights.
Well, good luck with your trip and I will be subscribing to your blog to hear more about it.
answering alajnablya:
ReplyDeleteThanks foe your comments, information and concerns.
art materials: I'd added art supplies into my trip budget and hoped (and expected) I would raise enough funds. Unfortunately, donations are running short.
I planned to purchase them in Egypt for a number of reasons...the major one being airline cost for extra luggage, I'll continue to do that with the money I have.
I have done thins as an individual
Ramadan: I've been told by the director of the center I'll work in and the Muslims in Gaza es as well as those in the states, that as a non- Muslim I will not be expected to observe the dietary restrictions; I just need to be discrete about eating. I do plan to refrain from eating but because of health and medication issues I'll need to drink water...being discrete. Ramadan ends around Sept 20 so the last two weeks I'm there won't involve fasting.
I had to schedule Aug 24-Oct 5 so that's what it is. Ramadan will be one more new experience to include in my presentations.
Thanks for the wishes for good luck! I appreciate them. I hope to post at least two or three times per week.
Thanks to yuu and all those who've posted comments or are reading and not commenting. The interest is so encouraging.
What a dunce I am sometimes, lol. Yes, of course Oct 5 is after Eid, I was thinking Sept 5. I hope you will enjoy the Eid in Gaza. I didn't mean to be condescending asking you if you were prepared for some difficulties relating to Ramadan, I just wanted to make sure you were aware. I was just thinking that it is so hot this year where I am in the West Bank, so I am sure that Gaza must be much hotter.
ReplyDeleteI am looking forward to hearing all about your experiences, and wish you the best of luck.