Special Times

Wednesday evening, the 24th of June our delegation got together for the first time since we left Gaza. We gathered at Dorothy's apartment once again. Quite a different experience than when we met together for the first time.

I was staying overnight with my friend Gail. She's the one who introduced me to Palestine and invited me to join her and the Women of a Certain Age and travel to the West Bank. That was in 2004. Gail's a terrific woman: smart, generous, committed, informed, a problem solver and on top of all that, she's got a wonderful sense of humor. She instills courage and trust. I'd trust her with my life.

When ever I visit her apartment I'm reminded of the first time I stayed there. I had come to New York to meet with WCA and decide whether I'd travel with them to Palestine; if they'd have me. I was nervous and overwhelmed. I'd never even been inside a New York apartment building. Gail and I'd been exchanging phone calls and emails, but the only time I'd seen her was during our brief encounter protesting the anniversary of the invasion of Iraq. That's when the idea of Palestine, going to Palestine, was placed in my head. She opened the door, we hugged, I walked into her apartment, immediately feeling relaxed and at home.

It's been five years since we met and WCA journeyed to Palestine. An amazing trip with amazing women. I am not a group person, I try to avoid them. However when I walked into the meeting room where they'd gathered; I knew this was a group I would love being part of, would travel with and treasure for the rest of my life.

What a wonderful period in my life! I now had New York friends who were teaching me so much, when I could understand them. I learned to ride the subway, even all by myself (but not often). Most of these women are Jewish, New York Jews. This involved more education. The discovery that there are many Jews and many Jewish organizations supporting rights for Palestinians and openly opposing the Israeli government and Zionists was surprising. And they do it with a passion I'd rarely seen.

Our trip to Palestine was constantly an amazing journey with fun, protests, tears, fear, friendship, learning, sharing. All those things I'd resisted in groups. Now the sharing became especially necessary for me. I wanted and needed to know what my friends were experiencing and share my own thoughts and feelings. Sometimes it made facing the next day possible. Sometimes it kept me sane. It was a special time.

And now on June 24, I'm at Gail's apartment preparing for a meeting of my Gaza delegation. We never decided on a name for "us." I continue to wish we had. Since our return on June 1 I have remained in touch with Joyce and Emma. Emma lives near by. We meet for drinks one evening and some much needed talking. Re-entry is swallowing up both of us. The group's list serve has keep people in touch. Thank goodness for that or I'd be a basket case.

I've come to the realization that I'm a very needy person. Have I always been this way? Did the trauma of Gaza cause the need? I don't know. I've always relied on my independence; not needing other people. I'm emotional, always have been; but needy? I don't think so.

A friend from the trip stopped by. We visited with Gail, then headed off to Broadway and libations. As we walked it was obvious we were both stressed. We found a bar, sat down, ordered drinks and began talking in earnest. We both continued to struggle with re-entry and our traumatic Gaza experience. My friend was also struggling with his Jewishness. He's upset by the atrocities "his people" have inflicted upon the Palestinians, particularly those living in Gaza. It causes him pain! We had talked about this before during our days in Gaza. He was being much too hard on himself....little of what I said seemed to matter.......and I wanted to help him! Tonight he seemed so upset; almost as though a sore was festering below the skin, preparing to erupt.

When we arrived at Dorothy's it was very good to see my fellow travelers. We shared hugs, greetings and more hugs. We sat down in a loosely shaped circle. "A sharing circle?" I wished! Rarely when we had a time for sharing did people share. I was always ready even though talking was usually difficult and painful! I needed to express my emotions, fears and thoughts. Also I had a bit of hope that my sharing might prompt others to do the same. Which wasn't the case.

Conversations were buzzing around the room. Joyce said she'd like to talk about how she was doing since her return......everyone listened intently, sometimes shaking their heads in agreement. Next Ceil spoke up, then me. We were on a roll; a runaway train of emotion. Everyone spoke! And did so willingly, sitting on the edge of their chair, leaning forward, it was such a special time. Thank god we were finally having a "group experience" I think all of us were a bit surprised by the intimacy, the raw anger, fears and frustrations expressed. No, they were shared! I also would be willing to bet we each felt more in touch with ourselves and each other than before. It was a special time.

The next thing you know we'll be deciding on a name for "us".