Should Grandmothers throw stones?

How the underline appeared and why I can't delete it is a mystery. My apologies!

While visiting the West Bank in 2004 our group, Women of a Certain Age, participated in a non-violent protest against The Wall. It was a beautiful day, blue sky, music courtesy of scout bands,filled the air, hundreds of people: Israeli, Palestinian, Internationals....everyone was filled with energy, excitement and a commitment to peace.

Soldiers were watching from the top of a nearby hill...so what! We weren't threatening or causing trouble....we were peacefully walking. Suddenly tear-gas filled the air (from canisters marked made in the USA) sound bombs replaced the music, rubber bullets whizzed by....we ran for cover. Palestinian shopkeepers motioned us into the safety of an arcade. The soldiers continued with tear gas, sound bombs, rubber bullets....there would be a lull and then it would start anew. This went on for what seemed like hours.

Outside, Palestinian boys...young men.... began burning tires, making it more difficult for the soldiers to see. And the boys had stones, lots of stones....they began throwing them with all their might towards the Israeli soldiers, who were much to far away for a stone to reach...However they must have known bullets from the soldiers' guns could easily have reached them.

My reaction to the stone throwing shocked me....For a few seconds I wanted to stop them...then I realized I admired those boys; their bravery, their spirit, their defiance, their actions saying they would not give up. And much to my surprise, I wanted to join them, I wanted to throw stones....throw them as hard as I could toward those soldiers...but I didn't. My actions would have been an insult to those young men, which I certainly didn't want. Plus, I was participating in non-violent directing action, a practice I believe in and do my best to maintain. Isn't stone throwing considered "violent action"?

Throwing stones at Israeli soldiers, their tanks, jeeps, personnel carriers...is tempting the fates. The soldiers too often shoot to kill. As a mother and grandmother this causes me fear! I wouldn't want my son or grandsons to take that risk and I'm know I would try to stop them; lock them in their room, block the doorway, beg, plead!

However: If grandmothers could throw stones without causing insult; if they were able to trade places with young Palestinian men throwing stones.....I wonder what I would do.

The tank and the stone

Today I'm trying a new approach. Select a photo or photos that spark a particular thought, idea, subject or memory; then write about it. Keeping posts shorter and staying on topic are important. Sharing the Gaza I saw and experienced is my goal. I realize I'm also sharing much about myself, something I hadn't set out to do....it's just evolved. I'm told that happens and is good for blogs.
Let's begin with Palestinian weapons. In my ignorance the first weapons I associated with the Israel/Palestine conflict were the stones; it seems crazy to me now. Media accounts consistently referred to Palestinian boys throwing stones at tanks, jeeps, etc. The weapons, I mean stones, were causing Israeli soldiers. acting in self defense, to shoot the boys. Next the Israelis would need to destroy the boys' homes and then, for the sake of security, they were forced to destroy the entire village. The problem was the Palestinian boys and their stones! I couldn't understand why the boys' mothers or grandmothers didn't make them stop. After all, the stones were forcing the soldiers into military action. If the stone throwing stopped....no more military actions.

One day I saw a picture of a stone bouncing off a tank...the tank was shooting at a group of boys throwing stones. I finally thought about the actual damage a stone could do to a tank? Probably none; not even a "ping." And what about a jeep or armored truck? Why hadn't I realized that before? Why did soldiers respond so quickly and violently? Excessive force? An excuse to shoot? Because they wanted to? Because they could? There was no need to blast away and kill people because stones were thrown at a tank! The Israeli soldiers certainly weren't acting in self defense!!

It was a wake up call for me...finally! I began to see imbalance.....the imbalance of power: the power of Israel's weapons; the power of Israel's image as victim, causing a reluctance to criticize; the power Israel enjoys in the media....the power of ignorance, sloppy thinking, accepting what is told with out question. I felt so horribly stupid and embarrassed.

More about stones in the next post.

Change

Change is rarely easy!

How do the people of Gaza live with the constant changes being forced upon them? The trauma of bombardment and invasion fresh in their lives and always a possibility for tomorrow, the day after or in the future. People forced into temporary housing they remain in tents or crowded accommodations with friends or family; a temporary change that has no end in sight. They've lost jobs, houses, relatives, friends. I don't know how they adjust to the loss, the changes in so many areas of their day to day life.

When change involves the loss of someone you love it is often unbearable. The death of my brother is almost impossible for me to accept. I do not want to hear that he is gone. It's impacting every area of my life...and in such a sad, sad way.

As I'm reading over this, I am reminded of many people in Gaza who have lost all their possessions I remember seeing the unrecognizable remains of orchards....orchards handed down in the family from generation to generation; the family's source of income; ripped from the earth and bulldozed beyond recognition. They were family heirlooms!

We take things/possessions for granted here in the US. My brother John was fortunate, he was able to inventory his family possessions; specifying gifts for his nieces, nephews, great-nieces and great-nephews and one great-great niece. We appreciate his gifts....forgetting how privileged we are he had them to give to us.

Next week my daughter and I are driving to his home on Lookout Mountain, Tennessee. We'll take possession of the family heirlooms and treasures left to my children and grand-children and me. Ironically, the oak dining room table I mentioned in my last post, was left to my daughter. Also, it needs a good waxing. I'll pass the secrets of waxing on to my grandchildren. Traditions!

Change: The November dates for Gaza presentations have been canceled; leaving me up in the air about whether to re-schedule them for December...a very busy month for most people. My plans for contacting schools and churches about scheduling presentation have come to a halt. I had hoped to send those emails and mailings off two weeks ago....they too wait for action.

Change: Sadly, my return to Gaza is being re-scheduled from January to May. I have health and medication issues....they must be stabilized before traveling to Gaza. Saying this is a major disappointment, is an understatement!.

Change: I no longer have my brother; my family treasure!

Loss

It is difficult to write this post, maybe not even appropriate, but I need to write; share my grief. My older brother John died; we believe he died Saturday evening or Sunday morning. He missed a church event Sunday; Monday he was getting together with our nephew, he never arrived. Tuesday morning my nephew and a neighbor went to his house; finding him dead on the floor. We believe he had a heart attack. I hope he died instantly! The thought of him suffering and having no one there to help him is awful.(10-22 having returned from John's funeral I have more accurate details of his death. He was found by a neighbor and friend; he was in bed, in his normal sleeping position, hugging his pillow; he must have died instantly, there were no signs of distress. I am thankful all signs indicate he died without trauma or suffering. I continue to suffer the loss.)

He was a special, special person. A true southern gentleman; gracious; hospitable; always paying respect and being proper; attending all family (many generations) weddings and funerals; he had exquisite taste, giving unique and lovely gifts...at Christmas everyone, adults children and in between, looking forward to opening Uncle John"s gift. John was an extraordinary cook, entertaining perfectly.

He was a recovering alcoholic...When he stopped drinking, about 30 years ago, he left his practice of law (which I believe he never loved) and began counseling; moving on to supervisory roles. He was never married or with a significant other or partner...very quiet about his personal life. He loved genealogy tracing our family to about 1400...it was his passion.

When my parents reached the point they could no longer live on their own they moved to Tennessee near John. He said it was like expecting twins, only the twins were 89 and 90. My father died shortly after moving there; my mother lived another 10 years. John and Mama became wonderful friends....he cared for her, keeping her happy and going strong. When she died, just short of 100 years of age, he said he'd lost his best friend.

And I have lost the brother I've loved for as long as I can remember. He wasn't my best friend...I actually don't have a best friend. His passing leaves an enormous void in my life...in my soul! Memories: we waxed the dining room table together..testing it for being shiny enough involved sliding the polishing cloth across the table with out it slowing down. Don't know why that's such a fond memory.

He wrote beautifully. He was in the army between college and law school; I was in high school. When he was stationed in Europe, letters home were amazingly descriptive; what he wrote about came to life for me. Once he described gargoyles on a castle, I was certain I saw them when I closed my eyes.

And I feel my heart is breaking. When my younger brother called telling me John died, I kept saying "I don't want to hear this. Stop, don't tell me!" Sobbing and sobbing...talking in a whisper or almost screaming. I continue to cry; feeling empty and devastated. Tomorrow morning I leave for Tennessee and his funeral. I feel so empty and sad.

I think of the Palestinians, especially those in Gaza...loosing family and friends in such violent ways. The constant fear they experience for themselves and their loved ones. During the bombardment and invasion, it must have been horrible....death happening all around you. And they live with loss and fear day in and day out! The my brother's death causes me to think deeply about loss. How are the people of Gaza able to continue....they've lost so very much; homes, jobs, loved ones, possessions...and they have the loss of their freedom! I admire their spirit and determination greatly!

I admire my brother. I love my brother. I don't want to hear that he is gone. My heart is breaking; I am filled with a painful emptiness. Loss is terrible, beyond words!

If you've stayed with me through my emotional rambling....thank you. I appreciate your reading this. I needed to write....whether or not anyone read my words of sorrow. Thank you!

Some thoughts

It's been weeks since my last post, which surprises me. I've been writing and writing....but not posting any thing on the blog. Perhaps I need to rethink my writing habits.

A friend has asked numerous times I share my posts on his blog, especially ones written about report backs. His blog is very well read. Nice offer, but I'm not that comfortable with my style and content. People contributing to his blog know what they're doing; unlike me...I'm just doing!

My plans of returning to Gaza seem to be spinning wheels...I am waiting for information from people in Gaza who've offered their help....they know about traveling, entering and staying in Gaza. I know so very, very little. Frustrating! Since I'm "going this alone" it's a bit tricky; especially when it comes to entering Gaza. Arrangements for flying to Cairo and accommodations there are OK; the remainder of my plans...other than volunteering at Qattan...are pretty much up in the air.

And raising the necessary funds to make this trip a reality are going much more slowly than they should. The fact that I hate asking for money probably has something to do with my procrastinating. Technology hasn't helped. I've created a short presentation intended for a DVD. My PhotoShop Elements 6 led me to believe it was capable of adding audio narrative...not so I'm afraid. My plan was sending this in a packet to prospective sponsors. The written narrative won't be as effective, but I should probably just accept it. Stop waiting for miracles!

Guess what I need to do is just DO SOMETHING and quit trying to do the perfect thing.

What do I truly want? to return to Gaza mid-January and volunteer at Qattan...staying four to six weeks! I believe I need to do this.

Yesterday someone asked what I thought "the trip/my goimg" would accomplish.... Though question! I want to know I've done something to to let at least some of the people in Gaza know I stand with them. I believe they deserve respect...support...I can not solve the Israel/Palestine situation...I can, as they say, "stand up and be counted."

Also. I go because if one child in Gaza finds, knows and remembers someone from the "outside world," a woman from the US, spent time with them, respected them ,was kind, fun, and maybe was even exciting to be with, then I will have accomplished something! That "something" will make a difference...a difference to me, if no one else. I want to leave this world having tried to make it a better place. That's not an easy task!

Ireland and a Report Back

We arrived in Dublin the evening of the 17. One look told me what I suspected; we should have planned days in the city. Talking the long version of bus trips and having a Guinness hardly count as having been to Dublin; once again I've neglected a wonderful city; not doing it justice!

Traveling by train from Dublin to Galway took us through the Irish countryside with hundreds of cows, sheep, stone walls enclosing beautiful plots of green pasture; houses nestled together forming small villages; rolling hills; beautiful sites! The only downside to this travel was changing trains..lugging suitcases up and down stairs; the scenery more than made up for the struggle with luggage.

My husband's known our hosts, Ted and Vi, since grad school days; attending their wedding; their daughter became the first baby he ever held; Ken and Ted earned doctorates in mathematics; became professors. They share a long history

When we "booked" our stay with them, I wondered out loud about the possibility of giving my Gaza report back in Galway. Vi's ingenuity and follow up put me in touch with Geraldine, an activist for Palestinian rights. Geraldine took charged and arranged for me to speak on August 20.

We arrived at Galway's train station and Ted was there to greets us; we loaded up his car with luggage and were on our way. Leaving the station I noticed a yellow poster on a lamp post...all I could read was "Gaza". This struck me as a good sign people in Galway had concern for Gaza. I didn't know what the poster said and hoped I'd see another one. When Ted's car stopped at a red light, I saw another yellow poster and began to read....United Nations, UNRWA delegate, Susan Johnson. The posters advertised my report back....200 posters...put up all over Galway! I was shocked! The reference to the United Nations seemed a bit much, a stretch; what we had was an UNRAWA letter of invitation. The posters were exciting.

Wednesday, Geraldine met us for lunch to reviewed plans for the report back. She told me Derek and Jenny Graham of the Free Gaza Movement would also be there Thursday night. This was exciting news. I hoped there would be time to talk with them. Geraldine kindly took us on a walking tour of Galway. We ended it at an Irish pub; enjoying a beer.

Speaking in a country I wasn't familiar with caused apprehensions. I knew the photos in my presentation were excellent and reminded myself, my Gaza story; what I saw, heard and experienced, had always met with a favorable response.

The room we used was very long and thin; not an easy room for a presentation. The borrowed projector was difficult to set up and focus; it took longer than I'd expected. When we were ready to begin the room was almost full, possibly fifty people. People continued to arrive and it became a standing room only crowd.

I began with a more detailed introduction than usual; including additional background information and a bit more about myself. I wanted to make sure the audience was as comfortable as possible with this American woman about to tell them the details of her trip to Gaza

I explained what we had to for entrance into Gaza. Egypt required we visit the US Embassy in Cairo to sign away our counselor rights. Adding insult to injury, the US charged each of us $30 for the privilege of signing: saying we knew our government wouldn't help us if we need them. The Irish audience couldn't believe it! Ireland doesn't treat her citizens that way! In fact many people said the Irish government was very helpful and supportive when they traveled to Gaza. I'm certain Israel's desire to keep internationals, especially Americans, out of Gaza led to the requirement. Egypt and the US generally respond positively to Israel's pressure.

Photos showing what remains of the American International School prompted a question as to why Israel would bomb a friendly site and a school, at that. Basicly, the IDF bombs what they want to bomb...even their friends.
As for schools, many in Gaza were bombed, as well as hospitals and other public service buildings.




The sight of sprinklers
watering the school's grounds, brought laughter. Who else would have sprinklers going on the lawn of a destroyed building? And during the drought season!

At the end of the program, I was rather abruptly questioned about how I was chosen to be a UN delegate (she must have seen the poster and also missed my introduction). Again I explained I wasn't chosen, I voluntarily joined the delegation. We traveled to Gaza at the invitation of UNRAWA. What followed was a rather angry statement that the Irish were actively supporting Gaza and well informed about Israel/Palestine; I should really go back to the US and speak to Americans because they have limited knowledge of Palestine. I answered that I was in Ireland on vacation and grateful to have the opportunity to speak and had spoken often in the US. She then told about her extensive experience on behalf of Palestinians; trips to the West Bank and Gaza and the many ways she was involved. I was extremely impressed by her dedication and active participation in support of Palestinians. I wanted to talk to with her; find out more about her and what she was doing. Unfortunately, she left before I had the chance.

Reporting Back Informally with my brother-in-law

Monday; August 10 my husband and I flew off to the UK...on separate planes (which I won't go into) We were attending his niece's wedding Aug 14 near Leeds, then traveling to Ireland August 17 for a week's stay in Galway with friends....Thursday, August 20, I was giving a report back in Galway.

On the flight over, I tried talking about Gaza with my seatmate, but to no avail. She was returning to Manchester after 4 weeks with her "mate" in Utah. Putting on lip gloss was almost an obsession; as was looking out the window, then asking me where we were. She tuned out most conversations, including Gaza and I never discovered if her "mate" was male or female.

Time in the UK was spent with family, their friends and some of our friends; presenting many opportunities for informal/mini report backs. Naturally, conversations and activities centered around the wedding, bride and groom.

Tuesday evening my brother-in-law proved to be a fairly receptive audience, so I brought out my laptop with the slide presentation. He was surprised by the extent of the destruction as are 99% of the people who view the pictures. Those who aren't shocked have usually been to Gaza. We talked about the Qattan Center and the children in Gaza. He shook his head while looking at the pictures painted by children in Qattan's art therapy program. As a retired pediatric oncologist and former head of a hospital, he knows about childhood trauma. He confirmed what the NGOs told us about the devastating effects of the bombing, invasion and siege on Gaza's children.

I shared my uncomfortable feelings about invading the privacy of many of the Gazans we met. Even though they freely shared their stories, I believe most spoke out of desperation. They hoped some how we would hear their stories, return to the US, tell others what we'd heard and seen; and then with our "magical powers" all would be right and fair and free in Gaza. The responsibility of that weighs heavy on me. Cliff relayed some of his experiences in India; of going through hospitals, having people beg him to help them.....the reality of how much was expected and hoped for and how little he could actually do.

Not only was this an informal/mini report back....it was a much needed conversation and sharing for me. Most people can't begin to understand my feelings about Gaza and the responsibility those feelings entail. Even when they try they can't understand. Those who've been to Gaza or other traumatic places are all too familiar with the feelings and emotions. Cliff immediately understood what I was experiencing. I appreciate our talking, sharing and finding we have a common bond.

Years ago we went with Cliff and Sylvia (his wife, my husband's sister) to an Indian restaurant in either Leeds of Bradford. While we were eating an Indian gentleman came over to Cliff...bowing, holding onto Cliff's hand after he'd shaken it, bowing again, fighting back tears, expressing thanks, appreciation, over and over and over again. Emotion choking his speech, he told us how Cliff saved his son's life. Cliff was gracious and appreciative, but clearly uncomfortable. When the man left none of us knew what to say. I remember thinking what an enormous responsibility rested on my brother-in-laws shoulders; so many people placing all their hope and their childrens' lives in his hands.